Tag Archives: Soup?!

100 Bad Restaurants

  1. A restaurant full of screaming monkeys
  2. A restaurant that only serves slabs of concrete
  3. A restaurant that leaves you handcuffed to a radiator for your entire meal.
  4. A restaurant that charges everything by the ounce (salt, napkins, plates, electricity, air, etc.)
  5. A restaurant that serves raw chicken
  6. A restaurant that serves food by throwing it in your face
  7. A restaurant full of angry bees
  8. A restaurant where everyone is forced to sing a “happy birthday” song every five minutes.
  9. A restaurant sitting on top of an active volcano
  10. A restaurant that combines all of the above.
  11. A restaurant where waiters flip over tables when they’re angry.
  12. A restaurant that insists that everything tastes better with pickled okra.
  13. A restaurant that only exists in restaurant review books.
  14. A restaurant that refuses business to everyone.
  15. A restaurant full of hungry pugs.
  16. A theme restaurant where the theme is “Hurricane Katrina”.
  17. A restaurant that has your waiter sit down and judge you for the entire meal.
  18. A restaurant that takes your wallet at the door and then refuses to give it back.
  19. A restaurant that acts like it doesn’t know what a restaurant is.
  20. A restaurant that combines all of the above.
  21. A theme restaurant where the theme is “Racial Stereotypes”.
  22. A restaurant that serves you food on plates made of plutonium.
  23. A restaurant inside of a CDC quarantine zone.
  24. A restaurant that has a gaping abyss in the middle, and when you stare deeply into it it stares also deeply into you. When you fall into the abyss you are never seen again, and the restaurant will only refund the meal but not pay for funerary expenses, as life is all but a meaningless exercise.  (It’s called “Nietzsche’s” It has a bleak atmosphere, small portions, and all meals have to be okayed by the owner’s sister.  It does, however, also have a fantastic cherry pie).
  25. A theme restaurant where the theme is “Killer clowns and harpsichords”.
  26. A beach taco stand that will only throw sand in your face.
  27. A food truck possessed by a serial child-killer who was recently executed and now roams the streets at night and kills people.  The real problem is that it’s a food truck.
  28. A food court restaurant that is an actual courtroom and you have to argue your case to be served food.  If you don’t win your case you can get up to three consecutive life sentences.
  29. A restaurant full of seagulls and Canadian geese.
  30. A restaurant that combines all of the above.
  31. An Ice Cream Shop that only serves tuna salad.
  32. A restaurant that takes “home cooked meal” to the extreme and hires actors to play your parents who spend the entire meal arguing with each other and at the end of the meal they tell you they’re getting a divorce.
  33. A restaurant that thinks a salad is a raw head of cabbage.
  34. A restaurant that demands you do all of the cooking for your meal yourself.
  35. A theme restaurant where the theme is “Bad Hospital”.
  36. A restaurant full of pumas.
  37. A restaurant that serves terrible food and when you complain about it insists that you just don’t “get it”.
  38. A restaurant that serves all of its food out of flaming tires.
  39. A restaurant and a tattoo parlor where you can eat a philly cheese steak while getting a tattoo of a philly cheese steak (they only know how to do philly cheese steaks).
  40. A restaurant that combines all of the above.
  41. A restaurant that decorates its interior with portraits of creepy little girls who watch you while you eat.
  42. A restaurant where everything is made of plexiglass and astroturf, even the food.
  43. A pizza place that makes its crust out of dead chickadees.
  44. A restaurant with a live mine field inside.
  45. A restaurant where everyone’s name is Tyler and all of the food is Tyler.
  46. A restaurant that decorates its interior with dead alligators with googly eyes.
  47. A theme restaurant where the theme is “Catholic School”
  48. A restaurant full of falcons.
  49. A restaurant where all of the salt has been replaced with Lye.
  50. A restaurant that combines all of the above.
  51. A beachside restaurant that the ocean engulffs during high tide.
  52. A hot dog stand that serves batteries instead of hot dogs.
  53. A theme restaurant where the theme is “radio shack”.
  54. A restaurant where every hour minutes the chef runs out of the kitchen and screams “DEAR GOD I’VE KILLED THEM ALL!” before getting dragged to the back by a bunch of men in suits.  The next hour it’s a different chef.
  55. A restaurant that will mail your meal to you in 6 to 8 weeks.
  56. A dinner theater that has a grateful dead concert every night and it takes eight hours to eat one meal (though the longest it’s taken is a week to eat one meal).
  57. An old fashioned 1950’s diner with old fashioned 1950’s racism and sexism.  The worst part is that there’s a minor discrepancy on their jukebox where they have one song that was recorded in 1959 but wasn’t released until 1960. It’s disgusting.
  58. A trendy restaurant that glues beards on to all of their food.
  59. A restaurant full of stink beetles.
  60. A restaurant that combines all of the above.
  61. A restaurant that only serves ketchup packets and milk cups.
  62. A fine dining establishment where the owner will dump molten gold on to patrons who aren’t wearing the right shoes.  Who decides what’s the right shoe and the wrong shoe? The owner, of course.
  63. A theme restaurant where the theme is “East Berlin”.
  64. A restaurant full of goats.
  65. A Barbeque restaurant that will slaughter a cow in front of you even if you order salad.
  66. A restaurant where you have sixty seconds to eat your meal.  If you fail, you explode, if you succeed you pay $8.95 and leave a generous tip.
  67. Damocles’: A restaurant where a sword is hanging over every seat by a thread that could snap at any moment.
  68. A restaurant where the waiter orders for you and then gets the order wrong.
  69. A restaurant that has such high turnaround in staff that people aren’t even sure if they work there or not. This include the manager, who may or may not be on their first day.
  70. A restaurant that combines all of the above.
  71. A restaurant where everything is painted a neon orange: menus, seats, floors, ceilings, chairs, faces.
  72. A restaurant where you have to eat your meal in front of an upset gorilla.
  73. A restaurant whose menu consists of two items: 1)BACON GREASE and 2) FISH WATER.
  74. A theme restaurant where the theme is “White Snake Concert”.
  75. A restaurant full of deer ticks.
  76. A hot dog stand that will serve Hot. Dogs. Like a Pembroke welsh corgi that’s been in a car for an hour with the windows up.
  77. A seafood restaurant that doesn’t seem to know what a fish is.
  78. A restaurant that is an elaborate death trap that you have to navigate your way through.  They do, however, have the best sopapillas in town.
  79. A fine dining establishment that has all of its signage and menus written in Comic Sans.
  80. A restaurant that combines all of the above.
  81. A Twin Peaks themed diner that has terrible cherry pie.
  82. A Steakhouse where all of the meals are named after your childhood pets.
  83. A restaurant full of mirrors, so that no matter where you look you’re forced to watch yourself eat.
  84. A restaurant that has an animatronic rat band sing songs by Andrew lloyd Webber out of key. The worse part is you’re expected to tip the robot band.
  85. A French Bakery that only serves Meat Pudding.
  86. An Irish Pub that only sells macarons.
  87. A restaurant that has only one employee who just wears different hats.  If you bring attention to it you are banned.
  88. A restaurant that insists everything tastes better with grape jelly and Worcestershire sauce.
  89. A restaurant where the only lighting is strobe lighting.
  90. A restaurant that combines all of the above.
  91. A restaurant that will banish you to a cornfield if you don’t tip enough.
  92. A restaurant that lets all of its financial decisions be made by pre-teens.
  93. A sports bar that only plays CNN .
  94. A restaurant full of hungry, sleepy cats.
  95. A restaurant that you have to take a standardized test in order to get in.
  96. A restaurant where the waiters are required to nudge you and ask “Say, you want some steak with that butter?” even if you are not eating steak or using butter.
  97. A restaurant that will constantly judge you on how attractive and hip you are, and if you fail in either one of these criteria then the restaurant has the right to bring you to the back where you will never be seen or heard from again. It’s a Burger place called”Logan’s Buns”.
  98. A piano bar where every 78 minutes the Space Jam theme starts playing and people in Looney Tunes outfits come out and start gyrating their hips in people and stock broker’s food.
  99. An old timey saloon full of memorabilia from the “Terminator” movie series.
  100. A restaurant that combines all of the above, so… Applebees.

SPAM II: The Spammoning

A New Year, and some new Spam.  It never stops, the Spam, it just keeps on coming like some sort of horrible train made not quite out of Spumoni and not quite out of Ham:

– “Fastidious answer back in return of this query with real arguments and explaining everything regarding that.”

– “Today, I went to the beach front with my kids. I found a sea shell and gave it to my 4 year old daughter and said ‘You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.’ She put the shell to her ear and screamed. There was a hermit crab inside and it pinched her ear. She never wants to go back! LoL I know this is completely off topic but I had to tell someone!”

– This from “Appliance Repair Valrico”: “Yes! Finally something about ssdfsdsf.”. I too have searched the weblogs long to find information on ssdfsdsf and have come up empty, that is why I try to write about ssdfsdsf any time I can. Happy to help, Valrico!

– “I need help, Hello World, Generisk Cialis Kop cialis”. You must be mistaken, I am not Hello World, though I have heard that I look like him.

– “An impressive share, I just given this onto a colleague who was doing a bit analysis on this. And he the truth is purchased me breakfast due to the fact I discovered it for him.. smile. So let me reword that: Thnx for the treat! But yeah Thnkx for spending the time to discuss this, I really feel strongly about it and enjoy reading even more on this topic. If achievable, as you turn out to be expertise, would you mind updating your blog with a lot more details? It truly is highly valuable for me. Large thumb up for this blog post!” I need to find these people who buy lunch/breakfast for reading my blog, because they’d probably buy me an entire restaurant for writing it.

– “One woman’s mission assignment-8:
One girl’s vision:
‘Pricey Ms. Roberts, i am certain a good keep director for Burlovergton layer manufacturer fortification David, Ind. I usually are not show how motivated my corporation is to choose this dress motivate an achievement. My goal is to have 3,000 apparel to help keep the entire family pleasant throughout the Ft. John,  Prezbindowski advised you in their movie’.
I had seize myself personally walking to my agency in addition to indicating, oh yea, it is abnormally cold out side. Following about the third day directly onto that it was just just one step pointing to myself implying, ya would, I’m not sure what icy is very much. I’m not sure what literally wicked cold might be. But there are lots of people on this system your the majority of engage in. So which had been my personal build. and that i preset a mission to arrive plan it also, Prezbindowski states that.
‘Ft. Wayne could be less location somewhere habitually lower income just isn’t detected onto all of my roadway, each displaced individuals more buried’, predicts Patty Nippy, ‘Pastor US president attached to Caris keep, the ladies and childrens category out of Ft. Wayne rescue Ministries.  Make are aware of June. in as they go along the understands that even if you are not on the road they could need a clothing properly they what are the personal requirements basic’, and she bought in which on the little to actually appropriate and go the extra mile, reveals crisp and clean.
Text message with regards to Prezbindowski’s grit passed on very quickly: much better 461 coats that were brought in to the range trash, your girlfriend’s hold received a full donation of 1,000 recently released coats throughout the weatherproof Corp. Considering 1,461 total wear, Prezbindowski designed a truck driver-stimulated plan to make more.
On what can have been the most important 80th birthday in Prezbindowski’s stepfar, this person start malbox to to collect coats 80 within the recognition.
‘And I am not returning to the property through which is produced’, Prezbindowski exclaimed as being the girl headed launched, ‘We in every case use to have enjoyment featuring the on your man’s birthday currently also Elvis Presley’s birthday and then he fell in love with which usually suggestion’, Prezbindowski pronounces. Fittingly, among the their prevalent Elvis songs had been ‘a lttle bit substantially less chat’ (And would definitely be a steps).
Prezbindowski’s first get rid of was already her own sister’s housing. Recently there her nieces endured pretty much handled 26 layers. About this next pause, they were pretty much waiting for her, far too. An additional number of women to Prezbindowski’s family skilled  got jackets 56 with each other to drive. Along with his or her third obstruct, it is exactly the same thing write-up, just that point the young woman established 132 clothes looking that are got.
One more forestall Prezbindowski available ended up being your girlfriend’s mum, who was gotten married to help you ron in 32 many,
‘Aloha Momma! We have already got 226 clothes’, Prezbindowski described, With a smile just as your ex moved up to your, ‘Very well one has 35 a lot more correct’.
The actual mom sent a reply, introduction Prezbindowski making use of large.  However be satisfied to consider this a number amigos met up to achieve, very happy birthday Ron. Through you in the present day, Prezbindowski shown as your girlfriend as the actual new mother hugged. Actually Prezbindowski has necessarily about 1,200 a good deal coats to get information.
‘I’ve inhibited this is my staff here at the workplace to get a fur, and i am buying an issue within the market in order to everybody in the Fort Wayne forum’, she says.
June did not have to do anything with the exception of her crucial job. She decide to put hobby and personal finances find layers. She became past the gist envisaged, and she or he performed somewhat more.
‘Heading greatly influence all how we live for a long time’, tells Frosty”.

– “More, these moveable versions tend to be far more responsible than coronary heart rate screens on treadmill rails”.

– This from the honestly named “Visit our Website”: “Nοw I am going away to ԁo my breakfаst, lаter than having my breakfаst coming аgain to read furtheг news”.

– Someone named “Damelin” is going to hold a “beauty parade” for all of the banks in order to help it with loans.  I hope this works.

– “This article is really wally, a friend gave me a look. I saw, I would like to express the feelings I looked. Others did not feel that I do not mind, at least now I convey myself….”. I’m not sure if “Wally” is the friend or a an adjective.

– This one is an interesting look into how Spam is put together. I’m not to going to include the whole thing (as it goes on for about a page), but here are some:
“{Wow|Whoa|Incrediblе|Αmazing}! This blog looκѕ {eхactly|јust} liκe my olԁ one! It’s on a {completely|entirely|totally} different {topic|subject} but it has pretty much the same {layout|page layout} and design {Excellent|Wonderful|Great|Outstanding|Superb} choice of colors!| {There is|There’s} {defіnatеly|сeгtаinly} {а lot to|a greаt dеal to} {knоw abοut|learn about|find out about} this {subject|topic|іssue}. ”
“Greetings from {Idaho|Сarοlina|Οhio|Ϲolorado|Floriԁa|Los angeles|Califοгnia}! ”
“{Hoωԁy|Hі thеre|Hеy there|Hеllо|Hey} ϳust wаntеd to give you а quiсk heads up. The {tеxt|woгds} in youг {content|post|artiсle} ѕeеm tο be runnіng off thе ѕcгeen in {Iе|Internet explorer|Chrome|Firеfox|Safarі|Opеra}.
І’m not sure if this is a {format|formatting} issue or something to do with {web browser|internet browser|browser} compatibility but I {thought|figured} I’d post to lеt yοu know. The {style and design|ԁesіgn and ѕtуle|layout|ԁеsіgn} lοok great
thοugh! Hope уou get the {problem|іssue} {sοlved|rеsolved|fixed} sоon. {Kudos|Сhеers|Маny thankѕ|Thаnkѕ}”

– “Google is probably the most popular things out there in the Internet. Google dominates the field of serps.” Actually, Cats and cheeseburgers are the most popular things on the internet.

– “This is be cool 8) [ubikhead.com] limitations. Completes limitations. Completes inquisitive. limitations. Completes limitations. Completes”. Philip K. Dick’s future is here.

– I had no idea there were so many sunglasses: “Your own purchasing and sell you want to so also . You can also weather dark glasses moved using malaysia spectacles large new york from wholesale prices musician sun shades uk 8oz glasses intended for facial skin pattern glassesshop comprehensive glasses Ohio the country’s most suitable eye-glasses cups inexpensive shops cups caravan assist eyeglasses America wine glasses pictures gentlemen. As the their consistent materials expenses where to find discovering believe that them selves to select from while endanger minutes recognize how sleeve as well as a hat . Satisfied many of these the front .However your next sunglasses comprehensive arnette comprehensive famous label tinted glasses because of singapore spectacles or contact lenses approved eyeglasses for girl predict”

– “Beginner radio or ham can be hobby hobby”.

 

– “When thе hеro јoinеԁ the girl on the rοcκ he fell in love with her bеauty and lеаrned of her fаte. Тhe uρgrades to thе 9900 and іts opеrating system are likеly to offег nοt only mail through RIΜ’s own system, but, if you look closely at the applications that are available, you will likely find there is now an iOS-compatible mail application. One clinic director has estimated as many as 2.5 million Chinese suffer from the condition. Assuming you’ѵe dοne that, and now you reallу
need to wοrry about whісh collection iѕ best beyond ρurely conceptuаl rеasons. Lеt’s move on to point 2: children’s pandora jewelry high еnd jewelгy the right gifts our kidѕ have to Black.  So i wish you goοd luck аnd i hope іt all woгks out for you.
In ordеr to be yоgurt, theгe must be a mіnimum οf 10 mіlliοn live cultureѕ per gram οf substancе, says asѕociation ѕpoκeѕman Chuck Fuqua. The highest ρeгсentage of the nurѕing рopulation is found in hospitаls.”

– “For The Reader. He hangs out online, doesn’t message you and even ignores your messages if you instant message him. He’s also showing signs which he’s excited to meet your pals also — so make it happen soon.”

– “I appreciate your article.Your article is like a big tree, so that we can squat in your tree, feel yourself a real. I feel very touched, very empathy.”

– This one just about covers most Spam: “Is actually most likely which in turn determining to while you prior favorite , by today , these are generally expenses on structural , it is easy to weighty having good value interbank dark glasses synthetic version shades retail outlet affordable tinted glasses Chinese People glasses window frames for men how to pick goblets goblets events cups in abundance eyewear straps low cost colored glasses Asia to offer a inexpensive . Developing as an alternative louboutin heels. The normal offer you about . These kind of , craigslist and ebay satisfied superior rooting from would be the A group? If you are lower best place words and phrases.”

Happy New Year, and happy new Spam.

Lamplight Breakfast on a Burning Kitten

Ladies and gentlemen, this is it. This is the greatest film I ever have and ever will make. I hope you enjoy it.

Lamplight Breakfast on a Burning Kitten from Andrew Gingerich on Vimeo.

I enjoy this piece mostly because of the odd manic energy it manages to exist in.  It’s a movie about High School, first and foremost, and I don’t think it ever takes its concept of Prom or its characters as seriously as the characters themselves seem to take it, which I feel is perfect for a movie about high school.  This is also the piece that has a cartoon frog spitting on the protagonist’s shoe, one of the most half-hearted and fantastic song-and-dance sequences ever, a character who enters and exits by exploding, a character who enters and exits by pelvic thrusting, a character played by a stuffed wombat, and several dance sequences that aren’t so much dancing than a  surreal glimpse into these characters minds.  To top it all off, it’s shoddiness, it’s location work of all being shot inside and outside of Andrew Gingerich’s grandmother’s house, and the putrid color work all make this into one of the most oddly surreal pieces about a kid falling in love with a wombat ever.   As I said, it’s the best thing I ever have or ever will make.

Also, I really enjoy the line “This absolves Teff of all his previous social faux-pas”.

Skin Removal Cream Ad

Many times during the summer when both Andrew and I were out of Film School we got bored and decided to make a movie.  One of those turned out to be “Plastix Ultimate Meets his Maker”, a story of a person who is unstoppable and indestructible and under the advising from the dark lord of finance.  At some point, he decides to watch and/or invest in Skin Removal Cream (although Pepsi Throwback is really where it’s at), at any rate we needed an ad for Skin Removal Cream.  So, We shot the ad on wonderful VHS, I edited it together, and here we are: Skin Removal Cream.

Skin Removal Cream Ad from Vvinni Gagnepain on Vimeo.

I never get tired of this piece, and apparently neither do a lot of other people as  ever since it was released into the digital realm it has been one of my top viewed videos and I am more than happy to be known as “that guy who did Skin Removal Cream”.  I think the piece is a fantastically surreal version of a late-night infomercial ad, and the VHS and yellow bland typeface only add to that.  The VHS also did a great job of picking up the sickly green cream and  the bright red poppies, and Andrew got wonderfully into the role of this mysterious Skin Removal Cream Salesman, demanding that I continue to film him as he washed out the horrid cream from his teeth (which is where we got the astute observation that “…you can really taste the pepper”.

VATAS: Episoh 4

And we’re back to uploading VATAS onto YouTube, starting (as we would) from where we left off: Episode 4.  If memory serves me right, Number 4 was filmed a few months after the first three, and I think the time away from VATAS to reflect on how the series would function did it a world of good. The titles and editing work well together to bring a freeform guide through the otherwise dull world of me being sick, and it even helps break up the longer section of Tracy McKnightly. Let’s watch now, shall we?

VATAS 4 on YouTube

So we’re really continuing with the scattered approach first tried in Episplode 3, only this time with a much more focused narrative.  Also of worthy note, the acting within the piece itself is becoming more free-roaming and entertaining.  I also think the candle setpiece gave me something fun to work with, and the color treatment (while still pretty overkilled) manages to be nicely fitting for a summer sickness. We’re moving up in the world, and now we’re through the growing pains and into VATAS proper. I hope you’ll enjoy.  In fact, you can enjoy all you want by viewing every VATAS episode on Vimeo. Or you can wait a few days for Number 5.

Happy Birthday, Murderer!

When I transferred “In Fridge” to the tape, I made a mistake.  I transferred over the taped version of I Got the Poops, effectively deleting it.

It was the first casualty for the next twist in… THE COMPLICATED WEB OF PAPERS AND LIES.

VAT15-2

It was December, 2009. I had finished my semester at CU Boulder and I was looking forward to starting again at the newly re-opened CSF and building it back up to be the school I knew it could be.  I wasn’t looking for this, though.  “Boxco: Perfectly Ordinary Boxes for Perfectly Ordinary Human Beings” said the package I received, but a glance at who sent me this package told me that the contents of this box weren’t going to be ordinary. No, because this box was going to have The Tape somewhere inside.  Fortunately, I taped the unpackaging process and we can view it below:

VATAS: Epostode 15 from Vvinni Gagnepain on Vimeo.

One Onion, a few custom T-Shirts (which didn’t last that long, they faded after one wash), some accusations of me being a murderer, and a video tape.  All inside of a large box (The onion stain came off, by the way). I was excited at the fact that the tape itself was beginning to get altered, and I was also excited because this marked the first (and perhaps only) time I would be able to watch the next installment on the tape itself.  So I popped it into the VCR, and what I saw forever altered how this correspondence would continue.  Let’s watch, shall we?

Happy Birthday, Murderer! from Andrew Gingerich on Vimeo.

Yikes. I had called Andrew to inform him that “I Got the Poops” was gone directly after I deleted it, and I apologized for it, and made sure he had a digital copy so it wouldn’t be lost forever; but that wasn’t enough.  I had destroyed something he worked hard on, and so he had to do the same to me.  I was particularly fond of my infringement collage from the “In Fridge” package, and I thought it came out as a wonderful bit of ad-vomit.  Well, Andrew had to make sure it would become real vomit. At the time of first watching this, I was upset.  Not only at the package, but at how incredibly personal things had gotten: It seemed as though every bit of this video was meant to cut into my very being. Even now that I understand that something like this had to happen, I still feel like it’s a bit of overkill the depths at which this installment goes to make sure I knew I did something wrong and I would be punished for it.

Don't Go To Art School
We’ll Never Forgive You.

So, if we are continuing to think about the journey of the tape in terms of the internet, I suppose we’ve now entered into the trenches of the internet: Comment sections.  Not developed critical analysis, mind you (although I have a feeling we’re getting to that), but the rather inane, often irrelevant comments found on most YouTube videos. “Kirby scares about Scarecrows”, for example.  We see this with the dual voices talking about the same thing but never connecting in regards to the multiple heads, the continuing wishing and forgetting about Great Uncle Wilbur (or is it Webber?), and of course in the scathing blow that is the soup sequence.  Also worthy of note, is that we have finally entered into Poop territory with the “All The President’s Men” sequence (A “Poop” referring to the YouTube phenomenon wherein people take and re-edit various footage from cartoons and films, often in hope to create something much more humorous or frightening).  It’s true that Poops have been referenced in the Tape before, but this marks the first time we actually made one.

If you’d like to hear Andrew’s thoughts on this part of the Tape, click here.  Otherwise, stay tuned because the flame war is just beginning and soon it will consume this…

COMPLICATED WEB OF PAPERS AND LIES.