1. On a dark night in a carriage going across a remote mountain range in eastern Europe there is a scratching at the door. You had heard a strange monster inhabits these parts, but those are just superstitions, right? “Rat-a-tat” goes the scratching in return, accompanied with a cluster of nervous bubbles that begin popping in your stomach.
2. Spiders
3. Barracudas
4. You ask for the carriage to stop and ask the driver about the scratching. “Little English” says the driver before patting the horses “Good horses”. You nod: It was just a tree. You’re working yourself up too much. That, of course, doesn’t explain this deep feeling that not only are you being watched, but that you can almost make out the smiling face of your assailant in the forest.
5. Bumblebees: THEY JUST DON’T MAKE SENSE.
6. The Rhinoceros that just can’t stop laughing
7. Gangrene
8. Eyes.
9. The carriage has stopped at an inn for the night. The scratching has followed you. In your room you brush your teeth and get ready to sleep: It’s a tad early, but you and the carriage driver head out early in the morning. You lean down to spit, and look back into the mirror. There, standing behind you, is a cloaked figure with a bleeding club. “The driver is dead. There is no escape. You belong to us now” the figure says before knocking you over the head. You descend into blackness.
10. The look of absolute disapproval when you tell your extended family “I make movies for a living”.
11. Home invasions by people wearing lifelike animal masks.
12. Lifelike animal masks.
13. The liquefaction of your insides.
14. The Dark
15. Paintings of children
16. You awake, tied to a table with your head strapped in. Somewhere just outside of your field of vision comes the sound of a record skipping, far off in the distance is the sound of an air raid siren. Directly above you is a peeling picture of a wide-eyed smiling ape holding a cup of coffee. A gelatinous mixture drips slowly onto your forehead, you know full well that soon this mixture will drip into your eyes and it will sting. Oh how it will sting. The record almost plays something: It sounded like your name and a gunshot.
17.The sound of a dying cat.
18. Precious Moments Figurines: THEY JUST DON’T MAKE SENSE.
19. The many-toothed mouth of a lamprey.
20. The morning you wake up and realize that you’ve become everything you’ve ever hated.
21. Teddy Bears
22. Disembodied hands
24. A hen bathing in lamb’s blood
25. More paint peels form the picture above you. You don’t know how much time has passed, but the ooze has already started to flow into your eyes. It hurts more than you expected. The door to your chamber creaks open. A cloaked figure (A different one from the one who knocked you out. This one’s shorter) walks into the room. It hovers above you for a moment, watching you; observing you. Light creeps through the hood, and you’re able to see some of its face: Peeling skin, sharpened teeth, the works. The worst part is its smile, its near ever-present smile. You start to ask the figure something (perhaps yell, you haven’t decided which yet), but the figure presses a hand over your mouth. The hand smells like moldy blankets. The figure leaves its hand on your mouth for too long. Your breathing slows. You black out.
26. A lamb bathing in chicken’s blood
27. The farmhouse of the dead
28. Low light conditions, fog, and a mysterious drone coming from somewhere.
29. Marionettes
30. The knowledge that you are but a small cog in the infinite and meaningless machine of the universe. Worse still, you’re not even an important cog.
31. The face of a flounder
32. Furbies: THEY JUST DON’T MAKE SENSE.
33. G-G-G-G-Ghosts!
34. A Goat’s Eye
35. Leftover food that’s still stuck on a plate after its come out of the wash.
36. Falling. You feel as though you’re falling through an endless black void. You think your eyes are open, but there’s nothing around. No peeling ape, no cloaked figure, nothing. Your head spins. You try to breathe but all you smell is moldy blankets. You start to cough, but you can’t hear it. You try to scream, but nothing comes out. You scream and scream again, but not a sound can be heard.You feel yourself gasp for air. You feel your lungs grasp for air. You feel a metal enclosure push down on you, trapping you.
37. Nightstalkers
38. Clowns
39. Snake heads
40. One day you will be forgotten, and there’s nothing you can do to stop it.
41. Small screaming monkey-rodents gripping onto your leg with their terrible claws.
42. Red, squinty eyes and sharp teeth.
43. Giygas.
44. Young Adult Vampire Fictions: THEY JUST DON’T MAKE SENSE
45. Deep sea fish
46. Parasitic worms
47. A million tiny papercuts!
48. Rusty dentist drills
49. Your clothes stick to you with sweat. You’ve lost track of time, you’ve even lost track of your own mind. Finally, the metal box is opened. You’re alone in a large banquet hall: Just you, a large table of food, and a great stone ogre with glistening ruby eyes. You’d wonder how the box opened, but instead you eat. You eat and eat and eat, shoving as much food into your mouth as possible. Tastes don’t matter, the fire that’s slowly spreading over the room doesn’t matter, all that matters is shoving as much food into your mouth as you possibly can. After what seems to be a lifetime of eating, you gaze up at the stone ogre. It’s ruby eyes bore into you, it’s stone mouth gradually morphs into a hideous smile. You sweat, you panic, you see that the room is on fire and that there is no escape. The flames glisten in the ruby eyes. Your stomach starts to hurt, and you realize that there’s no way out of this. You lie on the floor and wait for the flames to eat you.
50. Your children will never appreciate all you’ve done for them until it’s too late.
51. Vampire Mummies! Oh No!
52. Vampire Squids! Oh No!
53. Eyeless toads
54. Narrow hallways without any doors
55. Faceless names
56. Rotting pumpkin heads
57. Maggots
58. Clowns
59. The Krampus
60. Modern medicine will keep you alive long enough for your brain to turn into mush.
61. Ghost Popsicle!
62. Flaming shrews
63. Moldy peaches
64. Cold water. You hope it’s water, anyway. You open your eyes and find yourself in a doctor’s office. Antiquated charts of human anatomy decorate the walls, and one of the cloaked figures examines your medical chart (it’s also wearing a stethoscope, thank God). The figure looks up “Oh good, we weren’t sure if you’d make it and we’ve spent so long looking for you”. You open your mouth and realize that you’ve forgotten how to speak. Instead you let out a dry moan. The cloaked figure walks closer, the smell of blankets again invades your brain. “We need your blood. It’s not for us, though, it’s for the awakening of Garothe. And I’m happy to say that your blood will be perfectly healthy for it. Your skin’s mostly gone, and we’v head to restrain you again, but your blood will be perfect”. The figure winks at you and leaves you alone in the office. You turn your head and look at a jar of pickled eyeballs. You try to sit up, but the leather belts of your restraints dig into crispy shell that used to be your skin. Searing, blinding pain takes over. You let out another dry moan and stare at the eyeballs.
65. Parasitic worms
66. Sticking your hand into a vat of jiggling jelly
67. Old purple drapes with teal polka dots.
68. Bratz Dolls: THEY JUST DON’T MAKE SENSE.
69. Sewer mutants
70. Credit card debt
71. Frozen bodies
72. Baby Pigeons (Look it up)
73. Insects burrowing in and out of your skin.
74. Loud thuds
75. Crowds
76. Spiked walls slowly closing in
77. Body-snatching plant pods
78. The noise Donald Sutherland makes in the 1978 version of Invasion of the Body Snatchers
79. Microscopic lake organisms
80. People who are important to you will die, but no one around you will seem to care.
81. The tickling of the flies wakes you up. You’re back in the feast room, which hasn’t been cleaned out since you passed out. What food wasn’t burnt in the fire (and even some of the burnt food) has layers of mold growing on it. Your eyes meet the great stone ogre. This must be Garothe, you think. You try to stand, pain shoots through your legs. You fall on your back, only bringing forth more pain. And still, the flies buzz away. You start to gain more consciousness as the stress from food, fire, and kidnapping begins to wear off. You notices a tube leading from the blackened husk that was your arm straight into the cavernous mouth of Garothe. Your blood slowly drips into the ogre-demon’s mouth, and it’s all too happy to gobble it all up. You try to take the tube out, but your hands have been been fused shut due to fire and spider’s webs. Even if you could open your fingers, the tube itself has been fused to your skin. Your head feels weak, but your eyes stay open: Locked onto the gaping mouth of Garothe as all of your blood is drained into its great stone stomach. You notice a crowd of the hooded mutants around you now, they begin chanting and throwing handfulls of salt at you. This is either to spice your flesh for the monster you’re about to set loose, or just another in a long line of tortures.
82. Dunkleosteus Terelli
83. Crocodile smiles
84. I DON’T KNOW BUT IT’S RIGHT BEHIND YOU!
85. Ticks
86. Footsteps that you aren’t sure are real.
87. Nothingness
88. The popularity of Vince Vaughn: IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE.
89. Haunted Jukeboxes
90. When you realize that your heroes and mentors are awful, terrible people.
91. Proterozoic Monsters
92. The slow march of hot lava
93. Old mansions
94. Decaying statues
95. Fish bites
96. Fly stings
97. Festering pits
98. Ant lions
99. A beast with the head of a chicken, legs of a spider, and wings of a skeleton crow. We’ll call it “The Skelenid Fowl”.
100. Garothe’s ruby eyes let loose a stream of light. It’s mouth slowly clenches down on the tube of your blood. Your eyes stay open, though you can hardly muster any energy left. The stone paws of the great best move right towards you. The hooded figures chant and scream and cheer as Garothe bends down to sniff you. It opens its terrible mouth letting loose a breathe that smells like rotten eggs and burnt toast. As the great stone jaws of this infernal beast close around you, and you feel as your bones are slowly crushed, you realize that all of the time you’ve spent being locked and tortured and beaten in by this satanic mutant cult you probably would have wasted reading useless articles on the internet anyways.