One eats a seal.

Watch out for these bears!

I hope you enjoy.

Zymogen: An inactive substance that is converted into an enzyme when activated by another enzyme.

Zyklon B: Hydrogen Cyanide held on or released from a carrier in the form of small tablets.  It is primarily used as an insecticide, but the Nazis used it for something much different.

Zygote: The fetus of a fetus.

Zygomorphic: (Botanical) having only one plane of symmetry, like a snapdragon or a pea.

Zygodactyl: A bird’s foot with two toes pointing forward and two backward.

Zygapophysis: One of the two paired processes of a vertebra that interlock it with the adjacent vertebrae.

Zydeco: A dance music from southern Louisiana featuring accordion, guitar, and possibly washboards.

Zyban: An antidepressant drug given to people in nicotine withdrawal (Trademark name).

ZARDOZ. ZARDOZ. ZARDOZ.

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“Wishes your valentine day to be joyful! Buy Cheap Shoes!”

A Rug repair company sent a trackback to the previous post on rugs.

“After reading you blog, I thought your articles is great! I am very like your articles and I am very interested in the field of Free trial. Your blog is very useful for me .I bookmarked your blog! I trust you will behave better from now on; I hope she understands that she cannot exepct a raise.”

“Brim over I acquiesce in but I contemplate the list inform should prepare more info then it has.”

I hope you have enjoyed these, as they shall now be deleted.

Since I’ve decided this to be the month of the Alphabet, I will now tell you about everyones friends: The Phoenicians.

The Phoenicians were an ancient civilization who lived along the coastline of modern Lebanon, Israel, and Syria.  They primarily traded through man-powered sailing vessels.

The Phoenicians are most known for their alphabet, which was spread through the Phoenicians extensive maritime tradings.  The Phoenician Alphabet is classified as “abjad”, because it only records consonant sounds.  The Phoenician Alphabet did not record vowel sounds. The Phoenician Alphabet consisted of the following consonant sounds: ‘, B, G, D, H, W, Z,Ch, T, Y, K, L, M, N, S, `, P, C, Q, R, Š, Th.  Although our modern alphabet is bigger, the Phoenician Alphabet was made around 1050 BC, so its okay that they didn’t have a “Tzc” sound.

The Phoenician Alphabet was non-pictoral, unlike any of the other languages that came before it.  But that didn’t stop the Phoenicians from having wacky symbols, like this one!

It's like "R"!

This looks funny to us, but then again so does “W” and “L”, and we like those letters! The Phoenicians also liked to trade Wine.  From this letter, descended the Grecian “M”, and a sound like the modern day “ts” or “ch” sound.  That’s complex for such a little symbol!

Although the Phoenicians were highly developed in terms of Alphabetic symbology, they did not have a strongly developed artistic style. This is because the Phoenicians liked to take Art lessons from the Egyptians and the Greeks.  They also liked to take religion lessons from the Egyptians and Greeks, as they believed both in Egyptian Gods like Osiris and Shed, but also in Greecian gods like Adonis and Baalat Gebal.  Those crazy Phoenicians!

The Greeks called Phoenician ships either horses or tubs.

In conclusion, the Phoenicians were a highly developed and influential civilization that gave us letters like M. Thanks Phoenicia, but no thanks for polytheism!

Here are what I remember of the previous one hundred posts:

1. We’re still not eating pie.

2. The relationship between Gary Coleman and Gary Oldman is still… being researched.

3. I’m still looking, Mr. Icke. I’m still looking.

4. Vvinni: Episode 1 was just too long.

5. Vvinni: Episode 2 was even longer.

6. Vvinni: Really? Posting three all at once?  You could have saved some.

7. Vvinni: Now you’re just running out of ideas.

8. IMdB is much more Puppy now. And thank God for that.

9. Mr Coyne: You are still groovy as Hell. Never forget that, will you?

10. Vvinni: Nobody watches these, you know.

11. JCVD: One of the year’s best?  Certainly one of Van Damme’s Best.

12. Vvinni: I like your hat.

13. The birds still want to eat the noodles, but they never will.

14. You know, Mr. Gaiman?  I think I’m seeing a common motif in your work.

15. Vvinni: YOU’RE MIXING PLASTICS WITH GLASS.

16. It’s almost time for my Yupd!

17. ZARDOZ. ZARDOZ. ZARDOZ. Beyond 2001, Beyond 2010, Beyond Love, Beyond Death.

18. Vvinni: We’re going back to the graveyard.

19. Shopping Penguin? Shopping Penguin.

20. I gave it  the “Lizards” tag because the Dream-Eating monster is only able to use the reptilian part of his brain. I AM WITTY.

21. He-Yah! We gotta save the farm, rope those… cows…

22. My other documentary was about carpet.

23. It’s changed in ways you can never imagine.

24. PEA SOUP?!

25. Hello.

26. Vvinni: It makes me feel kind of bad I haven’t been having as many adventures this semester.

27. Worship me as a God.

28. YOU’RE TERING ME APART, LISA!

29. It’s still dripping blood all over my floor.

30. I left off here.

31. I picked it back up here.

32. Then I got shot by some bullets.

33. It’s cold inside, you’ll have to wear a cape.

34. I feel I’ve made much more intriguing work than what I did Freshman year.

35. Really? This is when the quest began?  And I haven’t picked it back up until… a few weeks ago?  I am NOT doing a good job questing.

36. Vvinni: You’re trying to hard. Stop it.

37. Exploding Goldfish Films. Check them out, why don’t you?

38. OH MY GOD, IT’S A BEAR!!!!

39. See. This is a documentary about Carpet!

40. Help! It took six months to make this!

41. I kill you both.

42. Andrew did this, I have nothing to say about it.

43. Eggs: A common motif of mine.

44. The world would melt were it made of cheese.

45. OH DEAR GOD IT’S ANOTHER BEAR!

46. One of the best of 1991?

47. I got the problem fixed, but now I can’t see my tongue.

48. That’s definitely a Bear.

49. Chickens, Money omelets, and axe-wielding.

50. Gum: It’s really a disappointment nowadays.

51. No, Bicycles!

52. Goodbye.

53. Ethan Holbrook: He Travels through time and Astronauts.

54. If you want to know more about Discouraging Words, then you should be reading the EXGfilms blog. I’m too busy posting movie reviews that are too long and Filler.

55. The cat represents life because we are all being held by the arms of fate that are attached to the torso of our decisions and that torso is the torso of another cat which, oddly enough, represents the plight of minimum wage worker at Wendy’s.  So, in conclusion: A Cat is a hamburger.

56. J’ai besoin d’étudier à un examen français.

57. Sharks.

58. Sharks.

59. Sharks.

60. Sharks.

61. Sharks.

62. Sharks and Film.

63. Sharks.

64. Skin Removal Cream, Skin Removal Cream, Skin Removal Cream. SKIN REMOVAL CREAM! Skin. Removal. Cream. Skin Removal Cream? Skin Removal Cream! Skin Removal cream skin removal cram, skin, removal cream. Skin Removal Cream. Skin Removal Cream. SKIN. REMOVAL. CREAM. Skin, Removal, Cream, Skin, Removal, Cream. Skin Removal Cream; Skin Removal Cream. Skin Removal Cream: If it weren’t a product, it would BUY YOU! SKIN REMOVAL CREAM?!!!!

65. It is five o’ clock, and so Tea Time is over.

66. A Surprisingly coherent corpse, unlike a certain other one coming up.

67. One of the best of Moon-related sci-fis of 2009?

68. THERE ARE TOO MANY BEARS ON THIS BLOG.

69. ❦

70. Something (A Post).

71. Discouraging Words: Coming Summer of 2010.

72. Nom nom nom nomnom nom nom nom. Nom nom nom nom nomnom nom. Nom nom nom nom nomnom nom. Nom nom nom nom nomnom nom. Nom-nom, nom-nom, nom-nom, nom-nom. Nom-nom, nom-nom, nom-nom, nom-nom. NOM NOM NOM NOMNOM NOM NOM NOM. NOM NOM NOMNOM NOM NOM NOM. NOM NOM NOM NOMNOM NOM NOM NOM. NOM-NOM NOM-NOM NOM-NOM NOM-NOM NOM.

73. I don’t even care what the next post was, THERE WERE HAMSTERS IN THE LAST ONE.

74. Let’s see… Was there a tiger in this one? No, just time travel.

75.  Nathan Fillion: A Man of many talents. Like being both an astronaut and cowboy. Also, being pure evil’s right-hand man and an award-winning novelist.  Truly he accomplished more in a lifetime than any man can.

76. Nick Vogt: A Man whose cat might be a monster.

77. Trail of Terror?

78. I can’t stop this feeling. Deep inside of me. Girl you just don’t realize what you do to me. When you hold me, in your arms so tight, you let me know everything’s alright. I-I-I’m hooked on a feeling. And I’m high on believing that you’re in love with me.  Lips as sweet as candy, your taste is on my mind. Girl, you got me thirstin’ for another cup of wine. Got a bug from you, girl, but I don’t need no cure. I just take your picture (?) If I can be sure. All the good times, when we’re all alone, keep up girl. Yeah, you turn me on. I-I-I’m hooked on a feeling and I’m high on believing that you’re in love with me, oh yeah. All the good times, when we’re all alone. Keep it up girl, yeah you turn me on I-I-I’m Hooked on a feeling and I’m high on believing that you’re in love with me. I said I’m hooked on a feeling. And I’m high on believing that you’re in love me. Yeah, I’m hooked on a feeling!

79. A whole new web is about to be spun, methinks.

80. Does this mean I might be the next Batman?

81. 100 Untitled pieces, most them involve things breaking.

82. Nathan Fillion: He also battle killer slugs from outer-space. Truly, he is a god.

83. Heart attacks.

• 84. OH NO, IT’S ANOTHER BEAR!!! THIS MAKES FOUR! FOUR BEARS!!!
• 85. Beat yourself with a 2×4.
• 86. OooOooOooOOOO Castles. SpoOOOoOoooOOky.
• 87. But doesn’t that explain us all?
• 88. I’m thinking of being Everything next year for Halloween.
• 89. Towed away at owner’s expense.
• 90. Vvinni: I’m thinking of a wall now to block their thought beams.
• 91. I am Rea-Gan! I am-Rea-Gan!
• 92. Don’t even think about coming to rescue me because I’m probably dead.

93. I just made another letter which I baked in the oven with a honey glaze. It was for Christmas.

94. Sword of Doom: One of the best?

95. Why did you kill this Lawn Ornament?

96. Wagga wagga wagga.

97. You’re tearing me apart, Mummy and Robot.

98. Ronald Q. Metellus: Man of Mystery and probably Sandwiches.

99. Joss Whedon: I wish you luck in your ventures outside of the television box, for I shall be on your side when all comes crashing down.

100. I- Oh no. I… I’m going to have to start this post inside of this post now… uh Okay. Here goes: WTIVVVVIMVJVTYVIZVSIHMIPHVWYIIITIIRVEOSHIAETOOITCGNGEITJSSSSSSSSIAOT❦DNILNNTIAD1NHOBOBITVIDISWWYRJ. I-On. I…Igthtstpiotpn… uO. Hg:

WIVVMJTVZIMPVYITIVOHATOTGGIJSSSSZTDINTA1HBBTIIWYJ. I-o. I… I… u. H:

IMP TIVO HAT DIDN’T HAVE. I. I… H:

Adapt vivid, thine moth. I. H:

AVTMIH:

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.    .   .   .   .

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1. Bears.

2. Squid.

3. The Past Pluperfect.

4. Chainsaws.

5. Unicorns (They have shifty eyes).

6. Castles.

7. Tiny cars.

8. Breast Cancer.

9. Vampire Ravens wielding six-shooters.

10. Black Holes.

11. Bears holding chainsaws.

12. Squid Castle.

13. White Castle.

14. SPIKE TV.

15. Bears Holding Chainsaws in Tiny Cars.

16. Children.

17. Baby Seals with Knives.

18. No Life Insurance.

19. Milk.

20. Bloodletting.

21. Depression.

22. The Present Progressive.

23. Unicorn with Diabetes (They still have shifty eyes).

24. Rasputin.

25. Spiders on Motorcycles.

26. Ravens piloting a giant robot.

27. Sarah Palin.

28. That Gremlin on the side of the plane.

29. The Fearsome Mare of Germanic Folklore.

30. The Apocalypse.

31. The Unicorn Apocalypse (There are a lot of shifty eyes).

32. Bear holding chainsaw driving a tiny car without life insurance.

33. The green grass that grows all around all around, the green grass that grows all around.

34. Eyes.

35. Ignorance: The Most Horrifying Thing of All.

36. Ground Beef Monster.

37. Evil Lincoln.

38.  The Homeless.

39. The Room

40. Giant Leeches.

41. Vespa made of Knives.

42. Ghosts of nonexistent words that haunt your thoughts and eat your dreams.

43. The Scissormen of Orqwith.

44. Jack the Ripper.

45. Hideous Mutant Mind-Bug.

46. Phobos

47. Homeless Bears holding chainsaws while driving tiny cars without life insurance.

48. Twilight

49. Millipedes… FROM SPACE!

50. Gorilla with a mission.

51. Apocalypse Now as reenacted by Tommy Wiseau.

52. A Dangling Participle.

53. The Face-Melting stare of an angry rodent.

54. Undead Whales.

55. Joseph Stalin after three years in the Vietnamese wilderness.

56. Cheetos.

57. A Hallway with many doors. Each door leads to antoher hallways with even more doors that lead to other hallways.  At the end of all of the hallways there is a statue with a key in its mouth. The statue has eyes as large as saucer plates, and when you reach into the mouth for the key a trap door opens beneath you. You are in CELLAR, you have FLASHLIGHT. Use FLASHLIGHT?

58. The true face of the Hellmouth.

59. White Bread.

60. Unicorn tennis (Shifty eyes, all following a golden ball).

61. Zombie Raven Apocalypse.

62. The Blob that ate EVERYTHING.

63. Prof. Moriarty with an indestructible iron fist.

64. A Rubbish Heap.

65. Flaming Squid.

66. An Explosion.

67. Homeless Bear holding a chainsaw and drinking milk while driving a tiny car without life insurance.

68. The wrath of ZARDOZ. ZARDOZ. ZARDOZ.

69. A Typewriter with a face.

70. The Fiend without a Face.

71. Vampire Lincoln

72. The Lizard People.

73. The Molemen.

74. The Greys.

75. Smiles.

76. KHAN!!!

77. Gorgo: Godzilla of Ireland.

78. Godzilla: Godzilla of Godzillaland.

79. Godzilla Junior: Nothing should look like that.

80. The Fifth Horseman: Destruction.

81. The Painting that Ate Paris.

82. Three Peaches. Not two, not four, but THREE.

83. A Smiling Homeless Bear wielding a chainsaw and drinking milk while driving a tiny car without life insurance.

84. Ghost Robot.

85. The idea of One that goes against the Timecube®

86. Cats with access to Nuclear Technology.

87. William the Bloody.

88. Jory.

89. The Power to Make Hens Bleed.

90. Bleeding Hens.

91. Helios’ mighty lantern The Sun.

92. Fire, and lots of it!

93. Song and Dance Sequences.

94. An Unhealthy Breakfast.

95. Flaming Unicorns (The Fire makes their eyes bug out).

96. Smiling homeless bear wielding a chainsaw that cuts through space and time and drinking milk while driving a tiny car without life insurance.

97. History’s Greatest Villain: Shao Kahn.

98. Knife of fire, lathe of ice.

99. Smiling homeless bear wielding a chainsaw that cuts through space and time and drinking milk while driving a tiny car without life insurance over the green grass that grows all around all around over the green grass that grows all around.

100. The ever increasing void of infinity which forever grows but never expands as it slowly swallows the shadow universe where memories are stored as a thousand screaming cranes. Each crane owns three wagons and each wagon contains four heads of lettuce.  Within our universe these lettuces are known as the The Id, The Superid, The Post-Id, and the Anti-Lettuce, and each of these forces work within their own ways to consume our thoughts and make our hearts turn into vegetables (lettuce, mainly).  However, the lettuce is a spine and the spine is a car which drives down the dark eel infested road of eternity as life fades into a twinkling glimmer on the horizon and infinity swallows and expands evermore, but never grows.

Nevertheless, it’s a neat photo-blog of horrible monstrosities some call food.  It has brought some such things as the Hot Pocket Sandwhich, Velveeta Fudge, Deep Fried Bacon Encrusted Pork Rinds, and of course the Taco Burger.  If you like terrible food like I know I do, then you should check it out.  If you don’t, I can’t fight you over it, but I can SPITE you.  I can spite you with a knife of silence and the poison of shame.

Recently a new item was posted on This is Why You’re Fat, an item that needs the harsh green light of the internet shining on it.  Some call it “El Niño”, Some a product of human ingenuity, some mankind’s downfall.  I’ll let you be the judge.

We Did It.

Just in case you can’t tell, That’s ground beet, onions, sour cream, lettuce, tomatoes, and cheddar cheese wrapped up inside of a pepperoni pizza.  It weighs three pounds.  It costs one life.

In writing a letter, you are given a series of statements and questions about yourself which you address in your reply.  For example The sender writes “Linda just gave birth to puppies. How’s your wife?” to which you reply “My wife IS Linda, what have you done to her you son-of-a-bitch!”.  I treated the video correspondence the same way.

I Got the Poops was the letter.

In Fridge is my reply.

I shall now discuss the motifs and ideas I decided to elaborate on.  This may be very pointless and self-indulgent. If you wish to skip this, be my guest. Also, if viewing this post on The Facebook, please visit the mothersite to see the video.

I Got the Poops presented me with the basic format: We first begin with a long segment to weed out those who may not actually be interested in viewing the work. In I Got the Poops it’s hand-processed 8mm film of people walking on the beach.  In In Fridge, it’s the interior of a refrigerator.  Of course, to the spectator it just appears as blackness.  About a minute of blackness.

This idea of terribly long things where nothing happens is a motif I continued throughout the piece, also seen in the minute of me staring at the camera (as the color grows ever so slightly redder) and the ongoing Mudkip exchange.  I also feel this was a motif in I Got the Poops, the segment I’ll call “The Alpha Cat Adjustment” takes it’s time, Andrew blinking in Night Vision is also drawn out, and who can forget the credits?  I feel I expanded on this, however that’s how correspondences work.

After the browsers have been taken out, it’s time for us to move into the meat of the piece, meaning YouTube videos.  Andrew decided to work with funny cat videos, specifically cat videos that are internet phenomena ranging from the horrible screaming demon cat to the cat who iterates “Oh Long Johnson, Oh Long Johnson, Oh Don Piano”.  I decided to focus on a different internet phenomena: Mudkip, the mud-fish pokèmon.  Why? Because I want to be the very best, that no one ever was. Catching monster is my quest, to train them is my cause.  However this wasn’t it, for I decided to explore this strange new world of YouTube.  I also included a Perry Grip music video with rodents, you know the one, as well as thirty minutes of Disney Films (Which I of course reduced to thirty seconds).

So, we have two motifs that I’ve identified thusfar: The motif of something terribly long and the motif of YouTube.  There is one final motif I want to point out:  Andrew stole my Adventures through Art School.  I returned the favor.  Many of you either may not know or may not remember, but Andrew himself had an unsuccessful vodcast many moons ago, much as I do now.  It was called “The Diary of a Mad Filmmaker”.  I decided that if I’d be making a diary of a mad filmmaker, I’d be mad. I’d be REALLY MAD. I’D BE JUMPING UP AND DOWN I’D BE SO MAD. Need I go on? No. Because you’ve seen the piece, and you’re probably not reading this unless you’re me.

Once we get through the weeding period and the montage of YouTube videos, we move on to the Chapters. I Got the Poops included three I believe, In Fridge contains ten.  One of the chapters in I Got The Poops didn’t work, but this works in to the overall stylistic difference between the two works, of which I will discuss later.

No, I will discuss it now, because I’m tired.

I Got The Poops was edited together in a way that showed extreme skill with Final Cut and the editing process, I believe.  This is reflective of Andrew’s overall technique, for he’s been working with Final Cut longer and more seriously than I have. I Got the Poops was also much more focused on sound design than In Fridge.  From the dripping water blinking to the much more developed Alpha Cat Adjust segment, I Got the Poops does show that the filmmaker is very technically savvy.

I am not technically savvy, and neither is In Fridge.  However, what I lack in technical knowledge I’d like to think I make up for in ideation and gusto.  I’d like to think that In Fridge has the same sort of Chaotic, Manic, Surrealistic (Almost Nihilistic) energy many of my other pieces have.  It has been said of some of my other work that if the world ended and all was left was that video, no one would need any explanation.  I’d like to think that In Fridge is the same way. But what do you think? Are either of them better or worse, or are they just different? What motifs and expansions have you noticed between the two works?  How do you Powder a steak in the 3rd Dimension?

AND HOW DID IN FRIDGE TRANSFER TO TAPE?  Well luckily this question I can answer, because there are now in fact TWO versions of In Fridge floating out there in the internet.  If you dare, watch it again. It’s gained a much different quality through the transfer.

I had the tape dubbed, however my journey was only half over.  For the TAPE itself is only the goose you quest for: You think it’ll be great, but really it’s kind of stinks and it’s loud.

I had to create a package.

I had to create a cage.

The Greatest Damn Fucking Play Because I Wrote and I’m a Fucking Genius So Love Me. LOVE ME!