And that’s how one shows alchemy and the four classical elements through packaging and tapes.  But let’s take a closer look at this, shall we?

The outer box is, of course, the philosopher’s stone, rumored to grant immortality to those who possessed it.  Besides that, there are four tapes, one tape per element.

Tape of Fire:  Perhaps the most obvious one, tape of fire was surrounded in ashen paper and sealed with a salamander (the animal of fire).  And, yes Andrew, that WAS blood.  But it wasn’t real blood, this is because the humour that was most associated with fire in Medieval medicine was blood.  Tape of fire was inscribed with the symbol for “Salamander” and an upward oriented triangle, and the tape itself was a tennis tape: because tennis is firey and competitive.  As for how I “treated” the tape, it should be pretty clear: It covered it in lighter fluid and I BURNED IT. Oh, and to make sure that the wrapping would stay on I put the wrapped package in an oven for some seconds.

Tape of Water:  Perhaps the tape that took the longest to prepare, tape of water was mostly sealed with papers covered in water and glue and sealed with a manatee (The creature of water is technically an Undine, which is basically a mermaid.  So, I figured a manatee was basically a mermaid).  Tape of Water is the first tape opened in the film, it was inscribed with an Undine symbol and a downward facing triangle, and the tape itself was a Yoga tape (Because Yoga is smooth and fluid).  I “Treated” the tape by firstly submerging it in water for a couple of days.  After that, the taped was continuously frozen and thawed over a period of a week. Then, I took the block of ice that the tape was frozen in, and dropped it into a pot of boiling water.

Tape of Air: Perhaps the most difficult tape to conceptualize, after all how to give something “air damage” without the aid of a wind tunnel?  I decided a microwave was a good thing, and so I used it, after all the microwave works by manipulating the air around an object.  Aside from microwaving it I also smoked it, but that only gave it a strange yellow coloring.  I covered the tape with aerosol glue (hence the stickiness) and sealed it with a Quetzal (the creature of air is the sprite, so I figured a quetzal was a good spritely bird).  It was inscribed with an upward facing triangle bisected by a line, and the symbol for Saturn: Planet of Air.

Tape of Earth: The functional tape.  I decided Earth would be the real tape, because sealing it in a block of clay wouldn’t harm the tape but would be difficult to open.  It was sealed with mud and a Scarab Beetle (The creature for Earth is a dwarf, so… Scarab?).  It was inscribed with a downward pointing triangle bisected with a line and (MOST IMPORTANTLY) a protection rune against dark magics and telepathy.  I figured this would help us out during the shipping process, Andrew.  Aside from sealing the tape in a block of clay, I also covered the tape with aluminum foil (with the classical Chinese elements, Earth was replaced with the element of metal) in order to keep the tape from being damaged as the clay dried.

Oh, and you were wondering what you did to me to deserve this, Andrew?  You hurt my feelings. Try not to do that again.

If you don’t remember, then here’s a recap:

And now, here’s my reply (I recommend watching it full screen):

And now, here’s me overanalyzing and explaining:

“Happy Birthday Murderer” was about death.  This was the stone that I began my ideation process off of: What comes after death?  Well, to that I had one answer: Resurrection.  And what is an ongoing symbol for resurrection?  The Philosopher’s Stone.

However, along with resurrection and alchemy, I also wanted to explore the theme of multiplicity, which was certainly present in “Happy Birthday Murderer”, and I also feel it was present in the other three works of THE TAPE.  So, multiplicity+resurrection= The four classical elements.  My overall working point for this new web (in case you wondering “Copyright Infringement” was the theme and inspiration for the title of “In Fridge”. I have given away the secret). In order to explore the four classical elements, I broke each down into an exploration of a thematic portion of THE TAPE. Let’s take a look at that.

FIRE: I told you you weren’t the only one who could make soup, Andrew.  Except “No Chicken With Onions”, the calcuttan dish, is NOT A SOUP.  My feelings were hurt when Andrew cooked my package, showing a disregard to something I put a lot of time into and was very proud of.  I understand that Andrew did this because, in order to get “In Fridge” on THE TAPE I had to tape over “I Got The Poops” (Boulder’s dubbing facilities sucked, like many things), but it still hurt my feelings.  So, I devoted one entire element to the cooking and eating of package elements from the Hard-drive and the Perfectly Ordinary Box.  It was cooking, it was vengeful, and it was angry. Fire.

AIR: How best to represent Air?  Sound, which is something I feel Andrew’s pieces have had a bit of, but “In Fridge” was lacking.  So, I took an oral examine for my French class last semester and started editing it.  One of the ideas that I’ll explore later is that “Happy Birthday Murderer” was a film about me.  So, in return “Powerful Magics” had to be a film about Andrew.  Thus, I took his narration from Shrimpocalypse! which included some fun extras like “FooOOOooOOtbaaaaall PraaAAAaaaAAAActice”.  Finally, I also had Nepetalactone by Venetian Snares.  ”In Fridge” introduced the idea of “leit motif” (that’s film language for “A repeated musical theme”).  I decided to take this idea, and have a techno breakdown in the middle of the film.

WATER: Water was found footage.  I may have had reasoning behind this. “Happy Birthday Murderer” introduced actors, namely Landyn Banx.  I decided I’d use a common actor, and I took Landyn’s demo reel from youtube.  In “Happy Birthday Murderer” Andrew used footage from All The Presidents Men, an inspiration to him.  I decided that I would use footage from “The Room” in my reply to him.  I also wanted to bring back the cat motif we’ve established in the other two pieces, but was absent from “Happy Birthday Murderer”, both because I enjoy this motif and because THE CHOPSTICK CAT IS ADORABLE! Also, there’s the popular YouTube video/meme that’s been common since “I Got The Poops”.  I had my footage, and yet I was still missing something.  Fortunately, I had one other reference to Mr. Gingerich: 16 Heads and Counting.  How’d I get the footage?  Well, I did some sound editing for it, and due to my paranoid thinking that he may need the footage back, I’ve kept it all these years.  Finally, the photo of me from “Happy Birthday Murderer” was taken from promotional stills from 16 Heads (which also starred Landyn Banx, see the connection?).  I took Andrew’s promotional still from that very same photo shoot. Thank you Facebook.

EARTH: The only other reply to “Happy Birthday Murderer” that I had to address was the interviews.  Well, I don’t think “Happy Birthday Murderer” was an adequate response to “In Fridge”, mainly because I don’t think Andrew put as much work into it as I did mine and he did “I Got The Poops”.  This is understandable, as he’s editing together a Political epic, but I still wanted to make sure he knew I was calling his bluff.  So, I had people criticize his film.  After all, this was a movie about Andrew.  Also, over December (when Andrew was busy bettering the world and working on a nobel cause) I was housesitting for the Gingerich’s.  I’m sorry that I took advantage of this and filmed without your permission, Andrew, but….

So there we have it.  I could say plenty more about this film, but I don’t want to.  I have a headache.  But I CAN say more about the packaging, but must wait for another time.

The rendered video will play soon. Very soon.

Also see Jules Vern.

The answer I always give these people is: “I’m sorry, I think you have me mistaken for someone else, please let me finish walking my dog now”.  But if they persist, I give them the name Evan Bustria.  He has two eyes and speaks fluent French (and by “fluent”, I mean I never aksed), but he does drive a zeppelin and he does fight crime.

Those of my seven readers who are adventurous may have visited Mr. Bustria’s old blogsite, How Do I Work This?, wherein he chronicles such pains as making a cartoon man run, the killdozer, and everyone’s favorite The Room.  Those same adventurers may have been disappointed, as I was, by Evan’s discontinuing of his blog.  I have good news, friends, for Evan Bustria has joined the ranks on what is swiftly becoming a “Superblog”: The Blog of Ronald Metallus.

For those of you who don’t know Evan, which I suppose is most of you, I believe you will find that Mr. Bustria has a great deal of finesse and eloquence to articles as varied as Hated Films and Hated Critics to Meth and Pancake Houses (although he has yet to write on the connection between Meth and Pancake Houses).  But why listen to me, let me share with you some of his work:

METH

Ashley Anderson

Armond White

Still hungry for more Bustria?  Aren’t we all.  Well here’s a documentary on Evan, done by fellow filmmaker William P. Culbert.  Here you see Evan Film, and Creep, and Drink, and Video-Game.

And so there you are: Evan Bustria.  Keep on looking at his work, why don’t you?  Because if you don’t, I’m going to hop into a Mad-Max style bus and ram into your house multiple times.  And if you live in a high-rise apartment?  Well, let’s just say I’ve got access to materials.  Materials that are helicopters.

Here are what I remember of the previous one hundred posts:

1. We’re still not eating pie.

2. The relationship between Gary Coleman and Gary Oldman is still… being researched.

3. I’m still looking, Mr. Icke. I’m still looking.

4. Vvinni: Episode 1 was just too long.

5. Vvinni: Episode 2 was even longer.

6. Vvinni: Really? Posting three all at once?  You could have saved some.

7. Vvinni: Now you’re just running out of ideas.

8. IMdB is much more Puppy now. And thank God for that.

9. Mr Coyne: You are still groovy as Hell. Never forget that, will you?

10. Vvinni: Nobody watches these, you know.

11. JCVD: One of the year’s best?  Certainly one of Van Damme’s Best.

12. Vvinni: I like your hat.

13. The birds still want to eat the noodles, but they never will.

14. You know, Mr. Gaiman?  I think I’m seeing a common motif in your work.

15. Vvinni: YOU’RE MIXING PLASTICS WITH GLASS.

16. It’s almost time for my Yupd!

17. ZARDOZ. ZARDOZ. ZARDOZ. Beyond 2001, Beyond 2010, Beyond Love, Beyond Death.

18. Vvinni: We’re going back to the graveyard.

19. Shopping Penguin? Shopping Penguin.

20. I gave it  the “Lizards” tag because the Dream-Eating monster is only able to use the reptilian part of his brain. I AM WITTY.

21. He-Yah! We gotta save the farm, rope those… cows…

22. My other documentary was about carpet.

23. It’s changed in ways you can never imagine.

24. PEA SOUP?!

25. Hello.

26. Vvinni: It makes me feel kind of bad I haven’t been having as many adventures this semester.

27. Worship me as a God.

28. YOU’RE TERING ME APART, LISA!

29. It’s still dripping blood all over my floor.

30. I left off here.

31. I picked it back up here.

32. Then I got shot by some bullets.

33. It’s cold inside, you’ll have to wear a cape.

34. I feel I’ve made much more intriguing work than what I did Freshman year.

35. Really? This is when the quest began?  And I haven’t picked it back up until… a few weeks ago?  I am NOT doing a good job questing.

36. Vvinni: You’re trying to hard. Stop it.

37. Exploding Goldfish Films. Check them out, why don’t you?

38. OH MY GOD, IT’S A BEAR!!!!

39. See. This is a documentary about Carpet!

40. Help! It took six months to make this!

41. I kill you both.

42. Andrew did this, I have nothing to say about it.

43. Eggs: A common motif of mine.

44. The world would melt were it made of cheese.

45. OH DEAR GOD IT’S ANOTHER BEAR!

46. One of the best of 1991?

47. I got the problem fixed, but now I can’t see my tongue.

48. That’s definitely a Bear.

49. Chickens, Money omelets, and axe-wielding.

50. Gum: It’s really a disappointment nowadays.

51. No, Bicycles!

52. Goodbye.

53. Ethan Holbrook: He Travels through time and Astronauts.

54. If you want to know more about Discouraging Words, then you should be reading the EXGfilms blog. I’m too busy posting movie reviews that are too long and Filler.

55. The cat represents life because we are all being held by the arms of fate that are attached to the torso of our decisions and that torso is the torso of another cat which, oddly enough, represents the plight of minimum wage worker at Wendy’s.  So, in conclusion: A Cat is a hamburger.

56. J’ai besoin d’étudier à un examen français.

57. Sharks.

58. Sharks.

59. Sharks.

60. Sharks.

61. Sharks.

62. Sharks and Film.

63. Sharks.

64. Skin Removal Cream, Skin Removal Cream, Skin Removal Cream. SKIN REMOVAL CREAM! Skin. Removal. Cream. Skin Removal Cream? Skin Removal Cream! Skin Removal cream skin removal cram, skin, removal cream. Skin Removal Cream. Skin Removal Cream. SKIN. REMOVAL. CREAM. Skin, Removal, Cream, Skin, Removal, Cream. Skin Removal Cream; Skin Removal Cream. Skin Removal Cream: If it weren’t a product, it would BUY YOU! SKIN REMOVAL CREAM?!!!!

65. It is five o’ clock, and so Tea Time is over.

66. A Surprisingly coherent corpse, unlike a certain other one coming up.

67. One of the best of Moon-related sci-fis of 2009?

68. THERE ARE TOO MANY BEARS ON THIS BLOG.

69. ❦

70. Something (A Post).

71. Discouraging Words: Coming Summer of 2010.

72. Nom nom nom nomnom nom nom nom. Nom nom nom nom nomnom nom. Nom nom nom nom nomnom nom. Nom nom nom nom nomnom nom. Nom-nom, nom-nom, nom-nom, nom-nom. Nom-nom, nom-nom, nom-nom, nom-nom. NOM NOM NOM NOMNOM NOM NOM NOM. NOM NOM NOMNOM NOM NOM NOM. NOM NOM NOM NOMNOM NOM NOM NOM. NOM-NOM NOM-NOM NOM-NOM NOM-NOM NOM.

73. I don’t even care what the next post was, THERE WERE HAMSTERS IN THE LAST ONE.

74. Let’s see… Was there a tiger in this one? No, just time travel.

75.  Nathan Fillion: A Man of many talents. Like being both an astronaut and cowboy. Also, being pure evil’s right-hand man and an award-winning novelist.  Truly he accomplished more in a lifetime than any man can.

76. Nick Vogt: A Man whose cat might be a monster.

77. Trail of Terror?

78. I can’t stop this feeling. Deep inside of me. Girl you just don’t realize what you do to me. When you hold me, in your arms so tight, you let me know everything’s alright. I-I-I’m hooked on a feeling. And I’m high on believing that you’re in love with me.  Lips as sweet as candy, your taste is on my mind. Girl, you got me thirstin’ for another cup of wine. Got a bug from you, girl, but I don’t need no cure. I just take your picture (?) If I can be sure. All the good times, when we’re all alone, keep up girl. Yeah, you turn me on. I-I-I’m hooked on a feeling and I’m high on believing that you’re in love with me, oh yeah. All the good times, when we’re all alone. Keep it up girl, yeah you turn me on I-I-I’m Hooked on a feeling and I’m high on believing that you’re in love with me. I said I’m hooked on a feeling. And I’m high on believing that you’re in love me. Yeah, I’m hooked on a feeling!

79. A whole new web is about to be spun, methinks.

80. Does this mean I might be the next Batman?

81. 100 Untitled pieces, most them involve things breaking.

82. Nathan Fillion: He also battle killer slugs from outer-space. Truly, he is a god.

83. Heart attacks.

• 84. OH NO, IT’S ANOTHER BEAR!!! THIS MAKES FOUR! FOUR BEARS!!!
• 85. Beat yourself with a 2×4.
• 86. OooOooOooOOOO Castles. SpoOOOoOoooOOky.
• 87. But doesn’t that explain us all?
• 88. I’m thinking of being Everything next year for Halloween.
• 89. Towed away at owner’s expense.
• 90. Vvinni: I’m thinking of a wall now to block their thought beams.
• 91. I am Rea-Gan! I am-Rea-Gan!
• 92. Don’t even think about coming to rescue me because I’m probably dead.

93. I just made another letter which I baked in the oven with a honey glaze. It was for Christmas.

94. Sword of Doom: One of the best?

95. Why did you kill this Lawn Ornament?

96. Wagga wagga wagga.

97. You’re tearing me apart, Mummy and Robot.

98. Ronald Q. Metellus: Man of Mystery and probably Sandwiches.

99. Joss Whedon: I wish you luck in your ventures outside of the television box, for I shall be on your side when all comes crashing down.

100. I- Oh no. I… I’m going to have to start this post inside of this post now… uh Okay. Here goes: WTIVVVVIMVJVTYVIZVSIHMIPHVWYIIITIIRVEOSHIAETOOITCGNGEITJSSSSSSSSIAOT❦DNILNNTIAD1NHOBOBITVIDISWWYRJ. I-On. I…Igthtstpiotpn… uO. Hg:

WIVVMJTVZIMPVYITIVOHATOTGGIJSSSSZTDINTA1HBBTIIWYJ. I-o. I… I… u. H:

IMP TIVO HAT DIDN’T HAVE. I. I… H:

Adapt vivid, thine moth. I. H:

AVTMIH:

01000001010101100101010001001101010010010100100000111010

000000010000100010001000100

.    .   .   .   .

⠂⠄⠠⠤

⠦

∴

…

-

0

∅

A sory abou a psychoic swordsman in Feudal Japan.

Let’s sart talking about the movie.  Let’s star talking about the script.  It’s got a lot of scenes of talking and ploting, as do many Japanese films from this era.  Yes, it can be tedious, but it’s also inertwined with scenes of horrible hand-chopping violence.  Which is always nice.  As I said above, Sword of Doom combines elements of noir (an all around feeling of doom and dread), the ridiculous action (Sword fights, hand-chopping, sword fights, talk about fighting, and sword fights), Igmar Bergman (The talking and inaction), and the Japanese Ghost Film (this comes mainly through the subtex and what’s going on underneath the dialogue.  It also comes in the ghosts).  So we’ve got a script with heavy subext going on between the characters where one word from the main character (an unstoppable killing machine with a sword) can say leaps and bounds about his character.  Yes, it’s long, yes, there is a reason they’re called “samurai epics”, but DAMMIT I LIKE IT.

Let’s move on to acting, shall we?  The stone face is an acting technique hat can either make or break a film.  We’ve seen it put to excellent use in the films of Buster Keaton, in noirs such as In a Lonely Place or The Big Sleep, and even in films like Naked Lunch.  On the flipside we’ve seen terrible blank and flat performances from movies such as The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Decided to Stop Living and Become Mixed Up Zombies!!? and the television show “Heroes”.  So what is the difference between these two?  For, I would say Tasuya Nakadai, who plays Ryunosuke Tsukue (wielder of the Sword of Doom and the Silent Technique), provides a stunning stone-faced performance.  The difference between stone-face and flat (good and bad, undersated and “I found this guy on a stree”) I believe all boils down to what I feel is at the core of my acting philosophy: The eyes.  You do not act with your hands, or your face, or your feet, but you act with your eyes.  For the eyes are the gateways to your soul, and if you do not believe what you’re saying, if you are merely reading words off of a page in front of a whirring machine, then it will show in your eyes.  In Sword of Doom, when you look into Ryunosuke’s eyes you see a sociopathic detachmen, you see calculation and angst, you see… DOOM.

Finally, I’m going to quickly talk about the cinematography of the film.  Here we once again head into Bergman-esque terriory with bizarrely framed close-ups and even stranger medium shots where the frame is so deep you can throw a rock into the screen and it’ll fall forever until it hits the girl who standing sideways back there. Yet, these oddly consructed closer shots are mixed with Japanese new-wave wides as we’ve seen in the work of Kurosawa and Teshigahara.  The camera is staic and what maters in the frame is not our actors, but rather the atmosphere around them and the effect the characters have over the atmosphere. So now, it’s time for our favorite part of Withou the ‘s: My arbitrary assignment of a grade:

A film I should own.

I give it an A. The atmosphere this film creates is incredible, as it’s one of dread and mystery.  It’s a world that is unforgiving and evil, much like the “City at Night” of film noir.  Only, unlike noir, it’s a world hat is rooted in emptiness and nature, a world where person’s psyche becomes his environment and at the root of all of the characters’ minds is something dark and desructive.  Also, I rather like the melding of genres… and dropping names. Orson “Fucking” Welles… bitches (Sorry for the profanity, but I’m pretty sure tha’s what it says on his tombsone).