I hope you enjoy.

MAINFRAME – final draft

Fire Fire Fire

I'd like to shoot plasma beams from my hands.

It was thought that a number of alien monoliths would replicate on Jupiter and force its core to go through Nuclear fusion, thus making Jupiter into a small star by the name of Lucifer.

It was thought that the United States and the Soviet Union would agree to embark on a joint mission to Jupiter to restart the on-board computer of Discovery 1.

It was thought that mankind would be plagued by the super-power creating “Cyboplasm”.

It was thought that the world would have become a lawless desert, controlled by an evil corporation.

We were supposed to have interplanetary teleporters. We were supposed to have super-intelligent robots.  We were supposed to have been wiped out by a virus or subjected to subconscious mind-control.

The Future is now, and we haven’t done much. Will this change? Only time will tell.

Here are what I remember of the previous one hundred posts:

1. We’re still not eating pie.

2. The relationship between Gary Coleman and Gary Oldman is still… being researched.

3. I’m still looking, Mr. Icke. I’m still looking.

4. Vvinni: Episode 1 was just too long.

5. Vvinni: Episode 2 was even longer.

6. Vvinni: Really? Posting three all at once?  You could have saved some.

7. Vvinni: Now you’re just running out of ideas.

8. IMdB is much more Puppy now. And thank God for that.

9. Mr Coyne: You are still groovy as Hell. Never forget that, will you?

10. Vvinni: Nobody watches these, you know.

11. JCVD: One of the year’s best?  Certainly one of Van Damme’s Best.

12. Vvinni: I like your hat.

13. The birds still want to eat the noodles, but they never will.

14. You know, Mr. Gaiman?  I think I’m seeing a common motif in your work.

15. Vvinni: YOU’RE MIXING PLASTICS WITH GLASS.

16. It’s almost time for my Yupd!

17. ZARDOZ. ZARDOZ. ZARDOZ. Beyond 2001, Beyond 2010, Beyond Love, Beyond Death.

18. Vvinni: We’re going back to the graveyard.

19. Shopping Penguin? Shopping Penguin.

20. I gave it  the “Lizards” tag because the Dream-Eating monster is only able to use the reptilian part of his brain. I AM WITTY.

21. He-Yah! We gotta save the farm, rope those… cows…

22. My other documentary was about carpet.

23. It’s changed in ways you can never imagine.

24. PEA SOUP?!

25. Hello.

26. Vvinni: It makes me feel kind of bad I haven’t been having as many adventures this semester.

27. Worship me as a God.

28. YOU’RE TERING ME APART, LISA!

29. It’s still dripping blood all over my floor.

30. I left off here.

31. I picked it back up here.

32. Then I got shot by some bullets.

33. It’s cold inside, you’ll have to wear a cape.

34. I feel I’ve made much more intriguing work than what I did Freshman year.

35. Really? This is when the quest began?  And I haven’t picked it back up until… a few weeks ago?  I am NOT doing a good job questing.

36. Vvinni: You’re trying to hard. Stop it.

37. Exploding Goldfish Films. Check them out, why don’t you?

38. OH MY GOD, IT’S A BEAR!!!!

39. See. This is a documentary about Carpet!

40. Help! It took six months to make this!

41. I kill you both.

42. Andrew did this, I have nothing to say about it.

43. Eggs: A common motif of mine.

44. The world would melt were it made of cheese.

45. OH DEAR GOD IT’S ANOTHER BEAR!

46. One of the best of 1991?

47. I got the problem fixed, but now I can’t see my tongue.

48. That’s definitely a Bear.

49. Chickens, Money omelets, and axe-wielding.

50. Gum: It’s really a disappointment nowadays.

51. No, Bicycles!

52. Goodbye.

53. Ethan Holbrook: He Travels through time and Astronauts.

54. If you want to know more about Discouraging Words, then you should be reading the EXGfilms blog. I’m too busy posting movie reviews that are too long and Filler.

55. The cat represents life because we are all being held by the arms of fate that are attached to the torso of our decisions and that torso is the torso of another cat which, oddly enough, represents the plight of minimum wage worker at Wendy’s.  So, in conclusion: A Cat is a hamburger.

56. J’ai besoin d’étudier à un examen français.

57. Sharks.

58. Sharks.

59. Sharks.

60. Sharks.

61. Sharks.

62. Sharks and Film.

63. Sharks.

64. Skin Removal Cream, Skin Removal Cream, Skin Removal Cream. SKIN REMOVAL CREAM! Skin. Removal. Cream. Skin Removal Cream? Skin Removal Cream! Skin Removal cream skin removal cram, skin, removal cream. Skin Removal Cream. Skin Removal Cream. SKIN. REMOVAL. CREAM. Skin, Removal, Cream, Skin, Removal, Cream. Skin Removal Cream; Skin Removal Cream. Skin Removal Cream: If it weren’t a product, it would BUY YOU! SKIN REMOVAL CREAM?!!!!

65. It is five o’ clock, and so Tea Time is over.

66. A Surprisingly coherent corpse, unlike a certain other one coming up.

67. One of the best of Moon-related sci-fis of 2009?

68. THERE ARE TOO MANY BEARS ON THIS BLOG.

69. ❦

70. Something (A Post).

71. Discouraging Words: Coming Summer of 2010.

72. Nom nom nom nomnom nom nom nom. Nom nom nom nom nomnom nom. Nom nom nom nom nomnom nom. Nom nom nom nom nomnom nom. Nom-nom, nom-nom, nom-nom, nom-nom. Nom-nom, nom-nom, nom-nom, nom-nom. NOM NOM NOM NOMNOM NOM NOM NOM. NOM NOM NOMNOM NOM NOM NOM. NOM NOM NOM NOMNOM NOM NOM NOM. NOM-NOM NOM-NOM NOM-NOM NOM-NOM NOM.

73. I don’t even care what the next post was, THERE WERE HAMSTERS IN THE LAST ONE.

74. Let’s see… Was there a tiger in this one? No, just time travel.

75.  Nathan Fillion: A Man of many talents. Like being both an astronaut and cowboy. Also, being pure evil’s right-hand man and an award-winning novelist.  Truly he accomplished more in a lifetime than any man can.

76. Nick Vogt: A Man whose cat might be a monster.

77. Trail of Terror?

78. I can’t stop this feeling. Deep inside of me. Girl you just don’t realize what you do to me. When you hold me, in your arms so tight, you let me know everything’s alright. I-I-I’m hooked on a feeling. And I’m high on believing that you’re in love with me.  Lips as sweet as candy, your taste is on my mind. Girl, you got me thirstin’ for another cup of wine. Got a bug from you, girl, but I don’t need no cure. I just take your picture (?) If I can be sure. All the good times, when we’re all alone, keep up girl. Yeah, you turn me on. I-I-I’m hooked on a feeling and I’m high on believing that you’re in love with me, oh yeah. All the good times, when we’re all alone. Keep it up girl, yeah you turn me on I-I-I’m Hooked on a feeling and I’m high on believing that you’re in love with me. I said I’m hooked on a feeling. And I’m high on believing that you’re in love me. Yeah, I’m hooked on a feeling!

79. A whole new web is about to be spun, methinks.

80. Does this mean I might be the next Batman?

81. 100 Untitled pieces, most them involve things breaking.

82. Nathan Fillion: He also battle killer slugs from outer-space. Truly, he is a god.

83. Heart attacks.

• 84. OH NO, IT’S ANOTHER BEAR!!! THIS MAKES FOUR! FOUR BEARS!!!
• 85. Beat yourself with a 2×4.
• 86. OooOooOooOOOO Castles. SpoOOOoOoooOOky.
• 87. But doesn’t that explain us all?
• 88. I’m thinking of being Everything next year for Halloween.
• 89. Towed away at owner’s expense.
• 90. Vvinni: I’m thinking of a wall now to block their thought beams.
• 91. I am Rea-Gan! I am-Rea-Gan!
• 92. Don’t even think about coming to rescue me because I’m probably dead.

93. I just made another letter which I baked in the oven with a honey glaze. It was for Christmas.

94. Sword of Doom: One of the best?

95. Why did you kill this Lawn Ornament?

96. Wagga wagga wagga.

97. You’re tearing me apart, Mummy and Robot.

98. Ronald Q. Metellus: Man of Mystery and probably Sandwiches.

99. Joss Whedon: I wish you luck in your ventures outside of the television box, for I shall be on your side when all comes crashing down.

100. I- Oh no. I… I’m going to have to start this post inside of this post now… uh Okay. Here goes: WTIVVVVIMVJVTYVIZVSIHMIPHVWYIIITIIRVEOSHIAETOOITCGNGEITJSSSSSSSSIAOT❦DNILNNTIAD1NHOBOBITVIDISWWYRJ. I-On. I…Igthtstpiotpn… uO. Hg:

WIVVMJTVZIMPVYITIVOHATOTGGIJSSSSZTDINTA1HBBTIIWYJ. I-o. I… I… u. H:

IMP TIVO HAT DIDN’T HAVE. I. I… H:

Adapt vivid, thine moth. I. H:

AVTMIH:

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.    .   .   .   .

⠂⠄⠠⠤

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∴

…

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0

∅

Thank you for existing.

I was trying to come up with some words that would express my feelings for your body of work, and I feel the above about sums it up.

And... is that a houndstooth tie? NO!

In a recent interview I had with one Andrew Gingerich about future filmmaking projects for the Making of documentary Stories From Sturgeon, Mr. Gingerich expressed dismay that there no one in television worked in the fusion of genres.  Well, Mr. Whedon, I believe we could both disagree with Mr. Gingerich’s remark as I feel one of your many strengths as a filmmaker is in the seamless fusion of two disparate genres.

In one of your most well known works, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, for example you were able to explain life using demons and vampires and ghosts. And that is neat.  In your cult television show Firefly you were able to integrate the Western and Sci-Fi genres incredibly well, incorporating common elements of civil war, isolation, expansionism, and the idea of “A Man and his Horse”.  This is also very neat.

However, simple genre integration, although super cool, would fail if it were written poorly.  Lucky for both of us that you’re not.  Yes, I heard some of your commentary on Buffy, and I was very glad to hear that you are indeed a smart filmmaker.  You’re also a very smart writer, as the characterization in all of the works of yours that I’ve seen is incredibly strong. It is because of these characters and these people that we are able to believe in your integrated worlds, and in a television dominated with shit like Heroes, it’s nice to watch a show that defines characters beyond “I JUST WANT TO FIT IN!” and “I’m bumbling and I’m a foreigner”.

So thank you Mr. Whedon. Thank you very much.

Sincerely,

Vvinni J. Gagnepain

PS: I suppose this post isn’t very useful, now is it?

Me being myself, I chose to go a different route.  I chose to shoot and create my own apocalypse.

This proved to be rather difficult however, because as of right now I still don’t know the Boulder area nor do I know any people to con into being on a film crew or to be actors.  This meant I had to make the apocalypse alone.

With the help of Andrew Gingerich, the Wikimedia Commons, and Night of the Living Dead, I’ve created this: Shrimpocalypse! Now originally it was to be due yesterday (Friday), however it’s been pushed back a week.  This means that you, my seven readers, can tell me if this works or not.  Please, any feedback you can give would be greatly appreciated. Please. Tell me anything.

Vvinni from the Future

Yes, this year for Halloween I was Vvinni from The Future… or perhaps Vvinni from the Future was me.  You of course know I’m from the future because I have a scar across my eye and I’m wearing black.

But I hear more cries.  Would you like to what I’ve been for halloween for the previous years?  Well okay, I will.

Robot Ghost Dinosaur

Last year I was the most terrifying of all Halloween creatures: The Robot Ghost Dinosaur.  And yes, I did do battle with a regular robot. I’m pretty sure Jesus saved us and afterwards we all danced the night away.

The Concept of Asymmetry

The year before that?  Well I was the Concept of Asymmetry.  That was nice one, because the months after Halloween I still had a quarter of my head shaved.

Before Asymmetry I worked for a couple of week constructing a Tetris Block out of cardboard and some reinforcing wood.  However, I couldn’t wear it for most of the day because it wouldn’t fit into the trunk of my car.  So my secondary costume for this year was being “The Desert”.  I don’t have a picture, but I was draped in a beige curtain and I carried around a cactus.  Also, I made wind noises.

This is where the pictures stop, but just in case you’re interested, here are other costumes of mine (we’ll see how far back we can go): 11- Space Pirate, 10- The 80′s (Equipped with a “Frankie says RELAX” shirt and Flock of Seagulls haircut), 9- A Lollipop (some people thought I was an Aztec God), 8- (Here’s where we get less creative) Vampress, 7- Monk, 6- Lifeguard, 5- (See if you can find the motif for the next few years) Taco Bell Chihuahua, 4- Black Lab, 3- Dog, 2- Comet, and that’s where memory fails me.  I know at some point in my early years I was a rooster. And for next year?  Well, we’ll just have to see.  Perhaps I’ll make an esoteric reference to the Doom Patrol comic book series, specifically from the Grant Morrison run.

So now you can stop crying, internet.  Please. It’s very distracting and you’re being whiny.

This is not really an exposé, but I’ve got the graphic all made up so I figured I’d use it.

Today, I wish to speak of a peculiar cinematic force known as the Astronaut Cowboy.  This has recently been brought to mind after seeing a mini-serial known as Stingray Sam about a week ago at the International Film Series in Boulder.  It’s a fun little piece that’s a Science Fiction serial mixed with the singing cowboy tradition and intercut with plenty of photo montages, and it’s much more fun than his other Astronaut Cowboy film The American Astronaut.

However, the Astronaut Cowboy character does not end there.  One of the most striking things about Joss Whedon’s Firefly series was how seamlessly it incorporated both the conventions of the Spaceship crew sub-genre of Science Fiction and the Western, what with the continual references to the Civil War (a different The Civil War), raiders, the endless void of space, the journey west (or rather, away from the center of the system), etc.  That’s also available for free watching on the internet, and I highly recommend it.

There’s also a more “realistic” Astronaut Cowboy movie in Space Cowboys, where Clint Eastwood and Tommy Lee Jones have to go into space to repair a Russian Satellite!  And it doesn’t really have much to do with Cowboys but… but it has the title Space Cowboys.

In fact, the astronaut cowboy has recently infiltrated into my subconscious, appearing in a dream of mine.  This black Space Cowboy was the only person who could help save me from a haunted house (because I think he was also a wizard.  He may also have been played by Tracy Morgan).  Also, directly after meeting the astronaut, this cat came up to me and mewed at me:

www.katebeaton.com

That sounds like a success if ever there was one.  And hey! I’ve also got another piece with an Astronaut Cowboy in it.  Remember Teh Cld Wr? My movie on IMdB? Well I do. And I’ve posted it here. BECAUSE I CAN. Now watch, and God Bless you Captain Spacecraft!