No oy ges lef behind

Within the third installment of the classic series, the toys find themselves facing two choices: Either move into the dusty atic, or get thrown away and crushed into cubes. As such Toy Story 3 is about regret, it’s about the futility of perfection, it’s about madness, destrucion, and doom. Shrek Forever After is about a fat green ogre and a funny donkey.  It’s also about farts.

Toy Story 3 sarts off a bit slow, however this slow part is merely because it’s the long version of all of the preview material.  However, it quickly gains pace and draws one in as heists, jail-breaks, and double-crossings take place. Shrek Forever Afer is the trailer, minus various references to musical pop culture and probably a reference to “The Muffin Man”.

The animation to Toy Story 3, like with all Pixar films, is incredibly texured and detailed.  Within the character design for Lots-O’-Huggin’ Bear alone, you can see the wear and tear upon the bear with all his hair shooting here and there.  There are subtle smudges all around his face, his torso, his deadly paws. The animation for Shrek Forever After, like many of he Dreamworks contenders, seem flat and lifeless.  It lacks the zest and snazz and exciement of Pixar. Put simply, you cannot eat Shrek Forever After. You can ea Toy Story 3, and it astes like STRAWBERRIES.

The original “Slink” is dead.  This means tha the good people at Pixar had to get a new voice for the wondrous role pictured above.  I, for one, noticed this difference in spades (and Yes, seven readers, Slink is my favorite toy from the Toy Story gang.  Because I love slinkies, and I love dogs, and I had a slinky dog when the first movie came out which, guess what, I LOVED).  Aside from the change in Slink (which I suppose couldn’ be helped, lousy pointed hand of death) the rest of the voice cast was rather well done. Every character was cast and made with a lot of love and hought, from the grassroots charm of Lotso to the brilliant bravado of Mr. Pricklepants (whom I enjoyed).  It was also prety neat how the creators had voice continuiy in Andy throughou all films and in Sid the Garbage-man from the first Toy Story.  I suppose I don’t have too many complaints abou the voice cast of Shrek Forever After, it’s keeping the families of Mike Myers and Eddie Murphy fed so I guess tha’s nice.

I don’t want to assign a grade to Toy Story 3. It’s a good cap to the series, I enjoyed it, and I certainly do not feel like I wasted my money to pay for it.  So, as some final houghts:

Pixar continues to have amazing character designs for background animals: being noticed in Ellie’s hamster from Up, and now in Andy’s old dog Buster who is simply adorable. As another final hought:

TOTORO TOTORO TOTORO TOTORO TOTORO TOTORO TOTORO TOTORO TOTORO TOTORO TOTORO TOTORO TOTORO TOTORO TOTORO TOTORO TOTORO TOTORO TOTORO TOTORO TOTORO TOTORO TOTORO TOTORO TOTORO TOTORO TOTORO TOTORO TOTORO TOTORO TOTORO TOTORO TOTORO TOTORO TOTRO TOTORO TOTORO TOTORO TOTORO TOTORO!!!!!!!

*Yes,  Mike Mitchell, I am shooting my mouh at your movie which I have not seen. I am a terrible person, and I accept this.  Also, Mike Myers, if you have a problem with this (which you should) please tell me so in your upcoming film “”The Love Two-ru”

The rendered video will play soon. Very soon.

Here are what I remember of the previous one hundred posts:

1. We’re still not eating pie.

2. The relationship between Gary Coleman and Gary Oldman is still… being researched.

3. I’m still looking, Mr. Icke. I’m still looking.

4. Vvinni: Episode 1 was just too long.

5. Vvinni: Episode 2 was even longer.

6. Vvinni: Really? Posting three all at once?  You could have saved some.

7. Vvinni: Now you’re just running out of ideas.

8. IMdB is much more Puppy now. And thank God for that.

9. Mr Coyne: You are still groovy as Hell. Never forget that, will you?

10. Vvinni: Nobody watches these, you know.

11. JCVD: One of the year’s best?  Certainly one of Van Damme’s Best.

12. Vvinni: I like your hat.

13. The birds still want to eat the noodles, but they never will.

14. You know, Mr. Gaiman?  I think I’m seeing a common motif in your work.

15. Vvinni: YOU’RE MIXING PLASTICS WITH GLASS.

16. It’s almost time for my Yupd!

17. ZARDOZ. ZARDOZ. ZARDOZ. Beyond 2001, Beyond 2010, Beyond Love, Beyond Death.

18. Vvinni: We’re going back to the graveyard.

19. Shopping Penguin? Shopping Penguin.

20. I gave it  the “Lizards” tag because the Dream-Eating monster is only able to use the reptilian part of his brain. I AM WITTY.

21. He-Yah! We gotta save the farm, rope those… cows…

22. My other documentary was about carpet.

23. It’s changed in ways you can never imagine.

24. PEA SOUP?!

25. Hello.

26. Vvinni: It makes me feel kind of bad I haven’t been having as many adventures this semester.

27. Worship me as a God.

28. YOU’RE TERING ME APART, LISA!

29. It’s still dripping blood all over my floor.

30. I left off here.

31. I picked it back up here.

32. Then I got shot by some bullets.

33. It’s cold inside, you’ll have to wear a cape.

34. I feel I’ve made much more intriguing work than what I did Freshman year.

35. Really? This is when the quest began?  And I haven’t picked it back up until… a few weeks ago?  I am NOT doing a good job questing.

36. Vvinni: You’re trying to hard. Stop it.

37. Exploding Goldfish Films. Check them out, why don’t you?

38. OH MY GOD, IT’S A BEAR!!!!

39. See. This is a documentary about Carpet!

40. Help! It took six months to make this!

41. I kill you both.

42. Andrew did this, I have nothing to say about it.

43. Eggs: A common motif of mine.

44. The world would melt were it made of cheese.

45. OH DEAR GOD IT’S ANOTHER BEAR!

46. One of the best of 1991?

47. I got the problem fixed, but now I can’t see my tongue.

48. That’s definitely a Bear.

49. Chickens, Money omelets, and axe-wielding.

50. Gum: It’s really a disappointment nowadays.

51. No, Bicycles!

52. Goodbye.

53. Ethan Holbrook: He Travels through time and Astronauts.

54. If you want to know more about Discouraging Words, then you should be reading the EXGfilms blog. I’m too busy posting movie reviews that are too long and Filler.

55. The cat represents life because we are all being held by the arms of fate that are attached to the torso of our decisions and that torso is the torso of another cat which, oddly enough, represents the plight of minimum wage worker at Wendy’s.  So, in conclusion: A Cat is a hamburger.

56. J’ai besoin d’étudier à un examen français.

57. Sharks.

58. Sharks.

59. Sharks.

60. Sharks.

61. Sharks.

62. Sharks and Film.

63. Sharks.

64. Skin Removal Cream, Skin Removal Cream, Skin Removal Cream. SKIN REMOVAL CREAM! Skin. Removal. Cream. Skin Removal Cream? Skin Removal Cream! Skin Removal cream skin removal cram, skin, removal cream. Skin Removal Cream. Skin Removal Cream. SKIN. REMOVAL. CREAM. Skin, Removal, Cream, Skin, Removal, Cream. Skin Removal Cream; Skin Removal Cream. Skin Removal Cream: If it weren’t a product, it would BUY YOU! SKIN REMOVAL CREAM?!!!!

65. It is five o’ clock, and so Tea Time is over.

66. A Surprisingly coherent corpse, unlike a certain other one coming up.

67. One of the best of Moon-related sci-fis of 2009?

68. THERE ARE TOO MANY BEARS ON THIS BLOG.

69. ❦

70. Something (A Post).

71. Discouraging Words: Coming Summer of 2010.

72. Nom nom nom nomnom nom nom nom. Nom nom nom nom nomnom nom. Nom nom nom nom nomnom nom. Nom nom nom nom nomnom nom. Nom-nom, nom-nom, nom-nom, nom-nom. Nom-nom, nom-nom, nom-nom, nom-nom. NOM NOM NOM NOMNOM NOM NOM NOM. NOM NOM NOMNOM NOM NOM NOM. NOM NOM NOM NOMNOM NOM NOM NOM. NOM-NOM NOM-NOM NOM-NOM NOM-NOM NOM.

73. I don’t even care what the next post was, THERE WERE HAMSTERS IN THE LAST ONE.

74. Let’s see… Was there a tiger in this one? No, just time travel.

75.  Nathan Fillion: A Man of many talents. Like being both an astronaut and cowboy. Also, being pure evil’s right-hand man and an award-winning novelist.  Truly he accomplished more in a lifetime than any man can.

76. Nick Vogt: A Man whose cat might be a monster.

77. Trail of Terror?

78. I can’t stop this feeling. Deep inside of me. Girl you just don’t realize what you do to me. When you hold me, in your arms so tight, you let me know everything’s alright. I-I-I’m hooked on a feeling. And I’m high on believing that you’re in love with me.  Lips as sweet as candy, your taste is on my mind. Girl, you got me thirstin’ for another cup of wine. Got a bug from you, girl, but I don’t need no cure. I just take your picture (?) If I can be sure. All the good times, when we’re all alone, keep up girl. Yeah, you turn me on. I-I-I’m hooked on a feeling and I’m high on believing that you’re in love with me, oh yeah. All the good times, when we’re all alone. Keep it up girl, yeah you turn me on I-I-I’m Hooked on a feeling and I’m high on believing that you’re in love with me. I said I’m hooked on a feeling. And I’m high on believing that you’re in love me. Yeah, I’m hooked on a feeling!

79. A whole new web is about to be spun, methinks.

80. Does this mean I might be the next Batman?

81. 100 Untitled pieces, most them involve things breaking.

82. Nathan Fillion: He also battle killer slugs from outer-space. Truly, he is a god.

83. Heart attacks.

• 84. OH NO, IT’S ANOTHER BEAR!!! THIS MAKES FOUR! FOUR BEARS!!!
• 85. Beat yourself with a 2×4.
• 86. OooOooOooOOOO Castles. SpoOOOoOoooOOky.
• 87. But doesn’t that explain us all?
• 88. I’m thinking of being Everything next year for Halloween.
• 89. Towed away at owner’s expense.
• 90. Vvinni: I’m thinking of a wall now to block their thought beams.
• 91. I am Rea-Gan! I am-Rea-Gan!
• 92. Don’t even think about coming to rescue me because I’m probably dead.

93. I just made another letter which I baked in the oven with a honey glaze. It was for Christmas.

94. Sword of Doom: One of the best?

95. Why did you kill this Lawn Ornament?

96. Wagga wagga wagga.

97. You’re tearing me apart, Mummy and Robot.

98. Ronald Q. Metellus: Man of Mystery and probably Sandwiches.

99. Joss Whedon: I wish you luck in your ventures outside of the television box, for I shall be on your side when all comes crashing down.

100. I- Oh no. I… I’m going to have to start this post inside of this post now… uh Okay. Here goes: WTIVVVVIMVJVTYVIZVSIHMIPHVWYIIITIIRVEOSHIAETOOITCGNGEITJSSSSSSSSIAOT❦DNILNNTIAD1NHOBOBITVIDISWWYRJ. I-On. I…Igthtstpiotpn… uO. Hg:

WIVVMJTVZIMPVYITIVOHATOTGGIJSSSSZTDINTA1HBBTIIWYJ. I-o. I… I… u. H:

IMP TIVO HAT DIDN’T HAVE. I. I… H:

Adapt vivid, thine moth. I. H:

AVTMIH:

01000001010101100101010001001101010010010100100000111010

000000010000100010001000100

.    .   .   .   .

⠂⠄⠠⠤

⠦

∴

…

-

0

∅

Vvinni from the Future

Yes, this year for Halloween I was Vvinni from The Future… or perhaps Vvinni from the Future was me.  You of course know I’m from the future because I have a scar across my eye and I’m wearing black.

But I hear more cries.  Would you like to what I’ve been for halloween for the previous years?  Well okay, I will.

Robot Ghost Dinosaur

Last year I was the most terrifying of all Halloween creatures: The Robot Ghost Dinosaur.  And yes, I did do battle with a regular robot. I’m pretty sure Jesus saved us and afterwards we all danced the night away.

The Concept of Asymmetry

The year before that?  Well I was the Concept of Asymmetry.  That was nice one, because the months after Halloween I still had a quarter of my head shaved.

Before Asymmetry I worked for a couple of week constructing a Tetris Block out of cardboard and some reinforcing wood.  However, I couldn’t wear it for most of the day because it wouldn’t fit into the trunk of my car.  So my secondary costume for this year was being “The Desert”.  I don’t have a picture, but I was draped in a beige curtain and I carried around a cactus.  Also, I made wind noises.

This is where the pictures stop, but just in case you’re interested, here are other costumes of mine (we’ll see how far back we can go): 11- Space Pirate, 10- The 80′s (Equipped with a “Frankie says RELAX” shirt and Flock of Seagulls haircut), 9- A Lollipop (some people thought I was an Aztec God), 8- (Here’s where we get less creative) Vampress, 7- Monk, 6- Lifeguard, 5- (See if you can find the motif for the next few years) Taco Bell Chihuahua, 4- Black Lab, 3- Dog, 2- Comet, and that’s where memory fails me.  I know at some point in my early years I was a rooster. And for next year?  Well, we’ll just have to see.  Perhaps I’ll make an esoteric reference to the Doom Patrol comic book series, specifically from the Grant Morrison run.

So now you can stop crying, internet.  Please. It’s very distracting and you’re being whiny.

In writing a letter, you are given a series of statements and questions about yourself which you address in your reply.  For example The sender writes “Linda just gave birth to puppies. How’s your wife?” to which you reply “My wife IS Linda, what have you done to her you son-of-a-bitch!”.  I treated the video correspondence the same way.

I Got the Poops was the letter.

In Fridge is my reply.

I shall now discuss the motifs and ideas I decided to elaborate on.  This may be very pointless and self-indulgent. If you wish to skip this, be my guest. Also, if viewing this post on The Facebook, please visit the mothersite to see the video.

I Got the Poops presented me with the basic format: We first begin with a long segment to weed out those who may not actually be interested in viewing the work. In I Got the Poops it’s hand-processed 8mm film of people walking on the beach.  In In Fridge, it’s the interior of a refrigerator.  Of course, to the spectator it just appears as blackness.  About a minute of blackness.

This idea of terribly long things where nothing happens is a motif I continued throughout the piece, also seen in the minute of me staring at the camera (as the color grows ever so slightly redder) and the ongoing Mudkip exchange.  I also feel this was a motif in I Got the Poops, the segment I’ll call “The Alpha Cat Adjustment” takes it’s time, Andrew blinking in Night Vision is also drawn out, and who can forget the credits?  I feel I expanded on this, however that’s how correspondences work.

After the browsers have been taken out, it’s time for us to move into the meat of the piece, meaning YouTube videos.  Andrew decided to work with funny cat videos, specifically cat videos that are internet phenomena ranging from the horrible screaming demon cat to the cat who iterates “Oh Long Johnson, Oh Long Johnson, Oh Don Piano”.  I decided to focus on a different internet phenomena: Mudkip, the mud-fish pokèmon.  Why? Because I want to be the very best, that no one ever was. Catching monster is my quest, to train them is my cause.  However this wasn’t it, for I decided to explore this strange new world of YouTube.  I also included a Perry Grip music video with rodents, you know the one, as well as thirty minutes of Disney Films (Which I of course reduced to thirty seconds).

So, we have two motifs that I’ve identified thusfar: The motif of something terribly long and the motif of YouTube.  There is one final motif I want to point out:  Andrew stole my Adventures through Art School.  I returned the favor.  Many of you either may not know or may not remember, but Andrew himself had an unsuccessful vodcast many moons ago, much as I do now.  It was called “The Diary of a Mad Filmmaker”.  I decided that if I’d be making a diary of a mad filmmaker, I’d be mad. I’d be REALLY MAD. I’D BE JUMPING UP AND DOWN I’D BE SO MAD. Need I go on? No. Because you’ve seen the piece, and you’re probably not reading this unless you’re me.

Once we get through the weeding period and the montage of YouTube videos, we move on to the Chapters. I Got the Poops included three I believe, In Fridge contains ten.  One of the chapters in I Got The Poops didn’t work, but this works in to the overall stylistic difference between the two works, of which I will discuss later.

No, I will discuss it now, because I’m tired.

I Got The Poops was edited together in a way that showed extreme skill with Final Cut and the editing process, I believe.  This is reflective of Andrew’s overall technique, for he’s been working with Final Cut longer and more seriously than I have. I Got the Poops was also much more focused on sound design than In Fridge.  From the dripping water blinking to the much more developed Alpha Cat Adjust segment, I Got the Poops does show that the filmmaker is very technically savvy.

I am not technically savvy, and neither is In Fridge.  However, what I lack in technical knowledge I’d like to think I make up for in ideation and gusto.  I’d like to think that In Fridge has the same sort of Chaotic, Manic, Surrealistic (Almost Nihilistic) energy many of my other pieces have.  It has been said of some of my other work that if the world ended and all was left was that video, no one would need any explanation.  I’d like to think that In Fridge is the same way. But what do you think? Are either of them better or worse, or are they just different? What motifs and expansions have you noticed between the two works?  How do you Powder a steak in the 3rd Dimension?

AND HOW DID IN FRIDGE TRANSFER TO TAPE?  Well luckily this question I can answer, because there are now in fact TWO versions of In Fridge floating out there in the internet.  If you dare, watch it again. It’s gained a much different quality through the transfer.

I had the tape dubbed, however my journey was only half over.  For the TAPE itself is only the goose you quest for: You think it’ll be great, but really it’s kind of stinks and it’s loud.

I had to create a package.

I had to create a cage.

This last May I received a package.

The package was in a box, and in that box a hard drive encasement duck taped shut along with some little papers that read “No”. The hard drive had a series of sticky notes on it that, along with pictures of pigs and “FUCK!” the sticky notes told me I needed a screwdriver, which wasn’t included.

It was my mission to open the hard drive.

When opened, the encasement included thousands more of the “No” papers, and another duck taped parcel.  The duck tape covered diagrams explaining the Timecube® phenomena, and underneath the papers of madness there was a video tape.

A VHS tape.

A VHS tape with “I Got The Poops” on it.

A VHS tape that was the beginning to a video correspondence.

I have formulated a response to this monstrosity.

And that response is about to see the light of the internet.

I am a rather avid gum chewer, for if I did not I would eat my pens. It is a problem. I have a lot of those. But this is not about me, this about you. This is about gum.

The classical flavors of your gum (I refer specifically to 5 and Orbit) are generally good choices. They last long, they have nice flavor, and when one is in the mood for a Classical flavor (Peppermint, Spearmint, Cinnamon, Bubble) then yours are rather nice choices in the world of gum.

Step on Gum

Yet, and this is something I have consistently noted in your products, once we get into more complicated flavors I have noticed a decline in gum quality. I have noted this in Wrigley’s Juicy Fruit, in 5′s Elixir, and in many of the specialty flavors of Orbit: After anywhere between twenty minutes and one hour of chewing these gums become liquid and sour. This disappoints me.

Mr. Perez, I assure you this is not my way of venting anger at having nothing better to post on an insignificant blog. I also ask you to perhaps take a look at the contents to your gum products, for this liquifying after a short time is unacceptable, especially with gum prices climbing to around a dollar. I’d like my packs of gum to last at least a week, and with many of your products this is not possible.

Thank you, Mr. Perez. I trust we won’t have to take this to Mr. Wrigley Jr. I hear his father is a ghost, and a mean one at that.

Sincerely,

Vvinni J. Gagnepain

The idea had been swimming around in my head for some time, and I figured since this carpet only existed at CSF it would be neat thing to do as a good-bye. But what about you, person who didn’t go to CSF, what do you think of it? Right, I forgot, you don’t tell me things.

Also, I’ve got some questions for the future of the Great and Powerful Henceblog:

1. What, if anything, would you like to see changed?

2. Are the “Without The T’s” reviews to long and boring? What about Vvinni’s Adventures Through Art School?

3. No one wants me to send them a business card? Really, I’ve got about 250 or 600 of them and I’m probably not going to be sending them to anyone influential, so I can certainly spare seven for my readers.

4. Going back to the paranoid and obsessive remark, who reads this thing? And if you read and you haven’t commented, why haven’t you? Even if it’s just “Firsties”. Heck, I might even make a  Firsties contest!

5. Would you like to see more puppies?

I’m sorry I’m clingy and I’m sorry I’m

bothersome, but… but I’d like to know

these things. Please don’t be afraid to comment.