The Impossible Adventures of Poohby

I have attached below the files that I included in the final, however due to the nature of how I went about doing the project all of the pieces should be jumbled together.  However, for the most part the things that I’m actually holding onto are in the stageplay version.

Qyleiryn Language

Summary?

MASTERPIECE

The Qyleiryn Incident

To Stop Nuclear

“Around them, down through ravines, and then along their edges, up the stony, earthy  sides of the gorges, until at length they halted as they believed in the very heart  of this wild looking place. “Here we are!” said Howard. “I don’t see how we can advance much further without going out to the other side.” “It’s the qua’rest sight I iver looked upon,” said Tim, turning round and round, meaning the wild scenery. ”But there is nothing learned of Elwood.” “Niver a sign do I saa of the youngster,” rejoined Tim. “I graive to think we cannot be near him.” “We have gone on the wrong track.” “I’m a feared so.” ”Too bad, too bad,” wailed Howard, “what is to come of the poor fellow?” “But we can’t till,” hastily added Tim, “do yees put your fingers in your mouth and give that jolly little whistle.” Howard Lawrence was in the very act of doing so when his arm was suddenly arrested by his companion, who, with an exclamation of surprise pointed to a ledge of rocks above them. CHAPTER XL. THE END OF THE SEARCH.  About a hundred and fifty feet above them, almost perpendicularly upward, stood an antelope, its small neck outstretched, and its dark, beautiful eyes fixed upon them with a wondering expression. It was on the very edge of a projecting rock where one step more would ….”

Would what? Perhaps I shall never know, and this is sad. Also in the e-mail was this wavy ad for experimental medications:

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A Rug repair company sent a trackback to the previous post on rugs.

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“Brim over I acquiesce in but I contemplate the list inform should prepare more info then it has.”

I hope you have enjoyed these, as they shall now be deleted.

Here are what I remember of the previous one hundred posts:

1. We’re still not eating pie.

2. The relationship between Gary Coleman and Gary Oldman is still… being researched.

3. I’m still looking, Mr. Icke. I’m still looking.

4. Vvinni: Episode 1 was just too long.

5. Vvinni: Episode 2 was even longer.

6. Vvinni: Really? Posting three all at once?  You could have saved some.

7. Vvinni: Now you’re just running out of ideas.

8. IMdB is much more Puppy now. And thank God for that.

9. Mr Coyne: You are still groovy as Hell. Never forget that, will you?

10. Vvinni: Nobody watches these, you know.

11. JCVD: One of the year’s best?  Certainly one of Van Damme’s Best.

12. Vvinni: I like your hat.

13. The birds still want to eat the noodles, but they never will.

14. You know, Mr. Gaiman?  I think I’m seeing a common motif in your work.

15. Vvinni: YOU’RE MIXING PLASTICS WITH GLASS.

16. It’s almost time for my Yupd!

17. ZARDOZ. ZARDOZ. ZARDOZ. Beyond 2001, Beyond 2010, Beyond Love, Beyond Death.

18. Vvinni: We’re going back to the graveyard.

19. Shopping Penguin? Shopping Penguin.

20. I gave it  the “Lizards” tag because the Dream-Eating monster is only able to use the reptilian part of his brain. I AM WITTY.

21. He-Yah! We gotta save the farm, rope those… cows…

22. My other documentary was about carpet.

23. It’s changed in ways you can never imagine.

24. PEA SOUP?!

25. Hello.

26. Vvinni: It makes me feel kind of bad I haven’t been having as many adventures this semester.

27. Worship me as a God.

28. YOU’RE TERING ME APART, LISA!

29. It’s still dripping blood all over my floor.

30. I left off here.

31. I picked it back up here.

32. Then I got shot by some bullets.

33. It’s cold inside, you’ll have to wear a cape.

34. I feel I’ve made much more intriguing work than what I did Freshman year.

35. Really? This is when the quest began?  And I haven’t picked it back up until… a few weeks ago?  I am NOT doing a good job questing.

36. Vvinni: You’re trying to hard. Stop it.

37. Exploding Goldfish Films. Check them out, why don’t you?

38. OH MY GOD, IT’S A BEAR!!!!

39. See. This is a documentary about Carpet!

40. Help! It took six months to make this!

41. I kill you both.

42. Andrew did this, I have nothing to say about it.

43. Eggs: A common motif of mine.

44. The world would melt were it made of cheese.

45. OH DEAR GOD IT’S ANOTHER BEAR!

46. One of the best of 1991?

47. I got the problem fixed, but now I can’t see my tongue.

48. That’s definitely a Bear.

49. Chickens, Money omelets, and axe-wielding.

50. Gum: It’s really a disappointment nowadays.

51. No, Bicycles!

52. Goodbye.

53. Ethan Holbrook: He Travels through time and Astronauts.

54. If you want to know more about Discouraging Words, then you should be reading the EXGfilms blog. I’m too busy posting movie reviews that are too long and Filler.

55. The cat represents life because we are all being held by the arms of fate that are attached to the torso of our decisions and that torso is the torso of another cat which, oddly enough, represents the plight of minimum wage worker at Wendy’s.  So, in conclusion: A Cat is a hamburger.

56. J’ai besoin d’étudier à un examen français.

57. Sharks.

58. Sharks.

59. Sharks.

60. Sharks.

61. Sharks.

62. Sharks and Film.

63. Sharks.

64. Skin Removal Cream, Skin Removal Cream, Skin Removal Cream. SKIN REMOVAL CREAM! Skin. Removal. Cream. Skin Removal Cream? Skin Removal Cream! Skin Removal cream skin removal cram, skin, removal cream. Skin Removal Cream. Skin Removal Cream. SKIN. REMOVAL. CREAM. Skin, Removal, Cream, Skin, Removal, Cream. Skin Removal Cream; Skin Removal Cream. Skin Removal Cream: If it weren’t a product, it would BUY YOU! SKIN REMOVAL CREAM?!!!!

65. It is five o’ clock, and so Tea Time is over.

66. A Surprisingly coherent corpse, unlike a certain other one coming up.

67. One of the best of Moon-related sci-fis of 2009?

68. THERE ARE TOO MANY BEARS ON THIS BLOG.

69. ❦

70. Something (A Post).

71. Discouraging Words: Coming Summer of 2010.

72. Nom nom nom nomnom nom nom nom. Nom nom nom nom nomnom nom. Nom nom nom nom nomnom nom. Nom nom nom nom nomnom nom. Nom-nom, nom-nom, nom-nom, nom-nom. Nom-nom, nom-nom, nom-nom, nom-nom. NOM NOM NOM NOMNOM NOM NOM NOM. NOM NOM NOMNOM NOM NOM NOM. NOM NOM NOM NOMNOM NOM NOM NOM. NOM-NOM NOM-NOM NOM-NOM NOM-NOM NOM.

73. I don’t even care what the next post was, THERE WERE HAMSTERS IN THE LAST ONE.

74. Let’s see… Was there a tiger in this one? No, just time travel.

75.  Nathan Fillion: A Man of many talents. Like being both an astronaut and cowboy. Also, being pure evil’s right-hand man and an award-winning novelist.  Truly he accomplished more in a lifetime than any man can.

76. Nick Vogt: A Man whose cat might be a monster.

77. Trail of Terror?

78. I can’t stop this feeling. Deep inside of me. Girl you just don’t realize what you do to me. When you hold me, in your arms so tight, you let me know everything’s alright. I-I-I’m hooked on a feeling. And I’m high on believing that you’re in love with me.  Lips as sweet as candy, your taste is on my mind. Girl, you got me thirstin’ for another cup of wine. Got a bug from you, girl, but I don’t need no cure. I just take your picture (?) If I can be sure. All the good times, when we’re all alone, keep up girl. Yeah, you turn me on. I-I-I’m hooked on a feeling and I’m high on believing that you’re in love with me, oh yeah. All the good times, when we’re all alone. Keep it up girl, yeah you turn me on I-I-I’m Hooked on a feeling and I’m high on believing that you’re in love with me. I said I’m hooked on a feeling. And I’m high on believing that you’re in love me. Yeah, I’m hooked on a feeling!

79. A whole new web is about to be spun, methinks.

80. Does this mean I might be the next Batman?

81. 100 Untitled pieces, most them involve things breaking.

82. Nathan Fillion: He also battle killer slugs from outer-space. Truly, he is a god.

83. Heart attacks.

• 84. OH NO, IT’S ANOTHER BEAR!!! THIS MAKES FOUR! FOUR BEARS!!!
• 85. Beat yourself with a 2×4.
• 86. OooOooOooOOOO Castles. SpoOOOoOoooOOky.
• 87. But doesn’t that explain us all?
• 88. I’m thinking of being Everything next year for Halloween.
• 89. Towed away at owner’s expense.
• 90. Vvinni: I’m thinking of a wall now to block their thought beams.
• 91. I am Rea-Gan! I am-Rea-Gan!
• 92. Don’t even think about coming to rescue me because I’m probably dead.

93. I just made another letter which I baked in the oven with a honey glaze. It was for Christmas.

94. Sword of Doom: One of the best?

95. Why did you kill this Lawn Ornament?

96. Wagga wagga wagga.

97. You’re tearing me apart, Mummy and Robot.

98. Ronald Q. Metellus: Man of Mystery and probably Sandwiches.

99. Joss Whedon: I wish you luck in your ventures outside of the television box, for I shall be on your side when all comes crashing down.

100. I- Oh no. I… I’m going to have to start this post inside of this post now… uh Okay. Here goes: WTIVVVVIMVJVTYVIZVSIHMIPHVWYIIITIIRVEOSHIAETOOITCGNGEITJSSSSSSSSIAOT❦DNILNNTIAD1NHOBOBITVIDISWWYRJ. I-On. I…Igthtstpiotpn… uO. Hg:

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1. Bears.

2. Squid.

3. The Past Pluperfect.

4. Chainsaws.

5. Unicorns (They have shifty eyes).

6. Castles.

7. Tiny cars.

8. Breast Cancer.

9. Vampire Ravens wielding six-shooters.

10. Black Holes.

11. Bears holding chainsaws.

12. Squid Castle.

13. White Castle.

14. SPIKE TV.

15. Bears Holding Chainsaws in Tiny Cars.

16. Children.

17. Baby Seals with Knives.

18. No Life Insurance.

19. Milk.

20. Bloodletting.

21. Depression.

22. The Present Progressive.

23. Unicorn with Diabetes (They still have shifty eyes).

24. Rasputin.

25. Spiders on Motorcycles.

26. Ravens piloting a giant robot.

27. Sarah Palin.

28. That Gremlin on the side of the plane.

29. The Fearsome Mare of Germanic Folklore.

30. The Apocalypse.

31. The Unicorn Apocalypse (There are a lot of shifty eyes).

32. Bear holding chainsaw driving a tiny car without life insurance.

33. The green grass that grows all around all around, the green grass that grows all around.

34. Eyes.

35. Ignorance: The Most Horrifying Thing of All.

36. Ground Beef Monster.

37. Evil Lincoln.

38.  The Homeless.

39. The Room

40. Giant Leeches.

41. Vespa made of Knives.

42. Ghosts of nonexistent words that haunt your thoughts and eat your dreams.

43. The Scissormen of Orqwith.

44. Jack the Ripper.

45. Hideous Mutant Mind-Bug.

46. Phobos

47. Homeless Bears holding chainsaws while driving tiny cars without life insurance.

48. Twilight

49. Millipedes… FROM SPACE!

50. Gorilla with a mission.

51. Apocalypse Now as reenacted by Tommy Wiseau.

52. A Dangling Participle.

53. The Face-Melting stare of an angry rodent.

54. Undead Whales.

55. Joseph Stalin after three years in the Vietnamese wilderness.

56. Cheetos.

57. A Hallway with many doors. Each door leads to antoher hallways with even more doors that lead to other hallways.  At the end of all of the hallways there is a statue with a key in its mouth. The statue has eyes as large as saucer plates, and when you reach into the mouth for the key a trap door opens beneath you. You are in CELLAR, you have FLASHLIGHT. Use FLASHLIGHT?

58. The true face of the Hellmouth.

59. White Bread.

60. Unicorn tennis (Shifty eyes, all following a golden ball).

61. Zombie Raven Apocalypse.

62. The Blob that ate EVERYTHING.

63. Prof. Moriarty with an indestructible iron fist.

64. A Rubbish Heap.

65. Flaming Squid.

66. An Explosion.

67. Homeless Bear holding a chainsaw and drinking milk while driving a tiny car without life insurance.

68. The wrath of ZARDOZ. ZARDOZ. ZARDOZ.

69. A Typewriter with a face.

70. The Fiend without a Face.

71. Vampire Lincoln

72. The Lizard People.

73. The Molemen.

74. The Greys.

75. Smiles.

76. KHAN!!!

77. Gorgo: Godzilla of Ireland.

78. Godzilla: Godzilla of Godzillaland.

79. Godzilla Junior: Nothing should look like that.

80. The Fifth Horseman: Destruction.

81. The Painting that Ate Paris.

82. Three Peaches. Not two, not four, but THREE.

83. A Smiling Homeless Bear wielding a chainsaw and drinking milk while driving a tiny car without life insurance.

84. Ghost Robot.

85. The idea of One that goes against the Timecube®

86. Cats with access to Nuclear Technology.

87. William the Bloody.

88. Jory.

89. The Power to Make Hens Bleed.

90. Bleeding Hens.

91. Helios’ mighty lantern The Sun.

92. Fire, and lots of it!

93. Song and Dance Sequences.

94. An Unhealthy Breakfast.

95. Flaming Unicorns (The Fire makes their eyes bug out).

96. Smiling homeless bear wielding a chainsaw that cuts through space and time and drinking milk while driving a tiny car without life insurance.

97. History’s Greatest Villain: Shao Kahn.

98. Knife of fire, lathe of ice.

99. Smiling homeless bear wielding a chainsaw that cuts through space and time and drinking milk while driving a tiny car without life insurance over the green grass that grows all around all around over the green grass that grows all around.

100. The ever increasing void of infinity which forever grows but never expands as it slowly swallows the shadow universe where memories are stored as a thousand screaming cranes. Each crane owns three wagons and each wagon contains four heads of lettuce.  Within our universe these lettuces are known as the The Id, The Superid, The Post-Id, and the Anti-Lettuce, and each of these forces work within their own ways to consume our thoughts and make our hearts turn into vegetables (lettuce, mainly).  However, the lettuce is a spine and the spine is a car which drives down the dark eel infested road of eternity as life fades into a twinkling glimmer on the horizon and infinity swallows and expands evermore, but never grows.

For Extreme Measures

Also, I’m sorry I’ve been posting a good deal of scripts and filler.  There’ll be some big things coming up whenever I find time.  Until then, look forward to more filler.

This is a multi-media piece I wrote for Theatre, Film, Radio, Prose, and Other during my time in Santa Fe. It’s also a compilation of 100 Untitled pieces I wrote, some good, some bad.  It’s been called “Unbearable to Watch”, “Pretentious”, and “Long”, but dammit I kind of like it.  So take a read, there’s a lot of it, though.  If you can make it through everything and have anything you want to say, feel free to say it. As for me, it was my birthday yesterday. So… happy birthday Vvinni.

The Untitled Rhapsody

The Untitled Rhapsody-Film

NOTE: Whenever you reach a film script in the motherscript, go to the film script. This should be obvious, but I said it anyway.

This last May I received a package.

The package was in a box, and in that box a hard drive encasement duck taped shut along with some little papers that read “No”. The hard drive had a series of sticky notes on it that, along with pictures of pigs and “FUCK!” the sticky notes told me I needed a screwdriver, which wasn’t included.

It was my mission to open the hard drive.

When opened, the encasement included thousands more of the “No” papers, and another duck taped parcel.  The duck tape covered diagrams explaining the Timecube® phenomena, and underneath the papers of madness there was a video tape.

A VHS tape.

A VHS tape with “I Got The Poops” on it.

A VHS tape that was the beginning to a video correspondence.

I have formulated a response to this monstrosity.

And that response is about to see the light of the internet.