I like you as an art director and a production designer, and I think you’ve got some fantastic style and instincts.

This being said, I do not think you are not a good director.  I believe that you’re rather limited by the work you choose to do and the artists you choose to surround yourself with.  You are also not a writer.  None of your written work has much of a conflict and as such it doesn’t have a character arch.  This would be all well and good if this were the point, but if you meant it to be you also didn’t write that well as your films TRY to have conflict but fail.  For examples, I point to Be Kind, Rewind and your short film La Lettre.

I’d say your most successful film so far has been Eternal Sunshine on a Spotless Mind, and I think this is because you were working with a script by Master screenwriter Charlie Kaufman. So, you’re capable of making good work you just need to attach yourself to a very good script. So how will The Green Hornet turn out?  I don’t know. I just don’t know.

I want to like you, Mr. Gondry, but I’m just not sure I can.

Vvinni J. Gagnepain

Bella stared deeply into the deep pools of Edward’s eyes.  His eyes were like mirrors, that reflected the angelic version of all that they looked upon. Bella stared at Edward, her heart palpitating.

“I love you” said Bella

“I know, but you don’t want to be with me. For I am a vampire” Is what Bella thought Edward would say, but she was too busy staring as his lips; they were the color of fresh poppies. Bella loved poppies. They were smooth and much like the glorious face of mighty Adonis, also very much like Edward.  Edward appeared a god amongst the insects that lived on Earth, he was a beam of light, specifically when he was in sunlight and his skin shone a magnificent gold.  Bella also loved gold, for it reminded her of the golden embrace of Edward the Handsome.

Bella continued staring at Edward as his eyes darted back and forth, surveying the area and making sure no one could see them. He let out a growl. Bella turned around, and saw Jacob approaching, not in wolf form.

“Jacob, you have found me in Edward’s loving embrace”, said Bella, feeling sad for taking her eyes off of Edward magnificent form to gaze upon her werewolf friend.

“Yes, Bella, I have come here for I am concerned over how much you love Edward, and his hot muscular body” replied Jacob, not in wolf form.

“I should be the one concerned, wolfman” said Edward, his voice sounding a mighty boom accross the valley, shaking trees and making even the mightiest of elk cease and stare at the beast who uttered this mighty bellow. Truly, Edward was a man… or rather a VAMPIRE. Bella admired Edward, and gazed at his pulsating chest, which looked so lively and handsome despite not having a heart.

“Pah, I find that laughable hahahahaha!” Said Jacob.

“Jacob, please stop. You are drunk again. You don’t mean what you are saying” Pleaded Bella, whilst staring at Jacob.

“Drunk? I am only drunk in my caring for you, Bella. This beast will eat you, and not in a sexual way. Please, come back with me, your friend who is also a werewolf” said Jacob, still not in Wolf form but getting dangerously close.

“No, Jacob, you don’t understand. I love Edward. I love him, and I wish for him to non-sexually eat me because then I could stare at him FOREVER” Cried Bella, tears forming in her staring eyes.

Edward breathed heavily. He was MAGNIFICENT, although eh ahd put on some weight recently.  But this was okay, because it only accentuated the firm figure of Edward’s mighty figure. So quare, and yet so gentle.

“Graaaagaghgaarrrrraaaaa!” Yelled jacob, as he transformed. Transformed… into a wolf.

“No Jacob! No! Do Not wolf, otherwise we will fight with knives!”

“Aoooooooooo!” Howled Jacob at the moon. He was a wolf now.

Edward hissed a wonderful hiss at Jacob. Bella stared into the distance, wondering if she should go to college or continue staring at Edward professionally. Jacob pounced, and Edward prepared himself to fight, lowering his hands and making a sound like Zeus would make if he were eating alone in a cafeteria: Mysteriously handsome.

Then a bright light shone in the sky, and George the UFO from the future [ive made this part becuz i think it adds alot of symoblism] landed. He exited his spacecraft and pointed his laser gun at Jacob and Edward.

“Stop fighting, you too! Or else I will kill!” Shouted George.

Jacob transformed back into human form. Edward quit gasping, and once again stood around and looked AMAZING. His face was chilsed from the finest of marbles, his jawline perfectly square but not in an ugly way.  There was nothing ugly about Edward. The very presence of such a magnificent creature confirmed Bella’s undying belief in God.

George put away his space ray gun. He looked at Bella. “Bella, will go to the prom WITH ME?!”

Edward and Jacob both turned to face the alien. What was he doing? His customs were strange, almost alien, to them the children of the Earth.

Bella did not answer George. She was busy staring at the ground: it was wet and green, not like the ground of Arizona where she was from at first.  But she could learn to love this ground, if it meant spending eternity with Edward and his wonderfully triangular nose and his well-defined cheekbones.

and thats where im stopping 4 now but let me kno what u think k? luv you.

“Around them, down through ravines, and then along their edges, up the stony, earthy  sides of the gorges, until at length they halted as they believed in the very heart  of this wild looking place. “Here we are!” said Howard. “I don’t see how we can advance much further without going out to the other side.” “It’s the qua’rest sight I iver looked upon,” said Tim, turning round and round, meaning the wild scenery. ”But there is nothing learned of Elwood.” “Niver a sign do I saa of the youngster,” rejoined Tim. “I graive to think we cannot be near him.” “We have gone on the wrong track.” “I’m a feared so.” ”Too bad, too bad,” wailed Howard, “what is to come of the poor fellow?” “But we can’t till,” hastily added Tim, “do yees put your fingers in your mouth and give that jolly little whistle.” Howard Lawrence was in the very act of doing so when his arm was suddenly arrested by his companion, who, with an exclamation of surprise pointed to a ledge of rocks above them. CHAPTER XL. THE END OF THE SEARCH.  About a hundred and fifty feet above them, almost perpendicularly upward, stood an antelope, its small neck outstretched, and its dark, beautiful eyes fixed upon them with a wondering expression. It was on the very edge of a projecting rock where one step more would ….”

Would what? Perhaps I shall never know, and this is sad. Also in the e-mail was this wavy ad for experimental medications:

CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK

Wih Music by He Alking Heads

I suppose the most importan part of a concert movie is the concert, and the concer itself depends heavily on the band I’d say.  So: The Talking Heads.  What struck me most about Stop Making Sense is he amount of energy the band had, they were having a very good time feeding off of the energy of the audience and I think it really showed through the screen.  Of course I don’ think the film version of Stop Making Sense compares at all to the live version, but sadly hat concert is over 20 years old now.

So: The band was raher kicking I’d say, so the next question is: How was the concert?  Well, it sarts with an empy stage lit by a couple of overhead work lights.  David Byrne walks out onto stage with an acousic guitar and a boombox. “Hi, I’ve go a tape I want to play for you” says David.  With hat, he plays and sings “Psycho Killer” while all other parts are played on the boombox.  From this minimalist beginning a new se piece and a new member of the band is added with each new song until everyone is onstage and rockin’ (yes, tha IS an apostrophe instead of a “G”. ” “‘s aren’t the only thing I can emit!) with “Burning Down The House”. So, the concert is gimmicky, but I hink gimmicks are accepted in the concert world, are they not?  At any rate, I rather like gimmicks most of the ime. So…

Now, the actual filmmaking.  Demme’s voice I believe are mostly seen through the editing and the footage.  So, the fooage was taken from three days in a Las Angeles theare, however it all seems incredibly seamless.  And although I’ve already acknowledged hat a filmed version of any concert is a poor excuse for he live version, however tha being said I think Demme did a rather fantasic job at translaing it ino film.  The energy of the performers comes through in aces, the flow of the concert was preserved perfectly, and the interacion between camera, performer, and audience was provided and well balanced.

Thus, due to the grooviness of the Alking Heads, the energy of concert and he communication of it through the film, and through the bizarre dance stylin’s (I DID IT AGAIN!) I give Stop Making Sense:

A film I should own.

Final Houghts:  If you’re looking for just groovy Talking Heads action, I strongly suggest their film “True Stories“.  Personally, I prefer Rue Stories to Stop Making Sense, but hat may simply be because I’m me.

Also, CHECK OUT THIS INTERVIEW BEWEEN DAVID BYRNE AND HIMSELF!

Also there’s a railer.

Also, I think I may like films made by bands.  See my thoughs on Wayne Coyne and The Flaming Lip’s movie “Christmas on Mars”.

1. How to get to the Hospital.  Luckily, we here in the past have maps for free viewing on a massive intertwined web. Here is how to get to the Hospital:

View Larger Map

2. When entering into a hospital, it is very important NOT TO MAKE EYE CONTACT.  Hospitals are full of evil spirits who enter your soul through the nearest third dimensional gateway: The retina.

- As a sidenote, Hospitals cannot get rid of the evil spirits, because evil spirits are EXCELLENT Ear, Nose, and Heart doctors.

3. Many people like to sell hats in Hospitals; this is because they are chauvinistic vampires who prey off the sick and needy. DO NOT BUY A HOSPITAL HAT, THEY ARE ITCHY AND MADE OF WOOL.

4. In the current health system, the primary tool for doctoring is an axe.  If you provide your own, you may pay less.

5. In a hospital, the louder you are the sooner you will be helped.  Also, be sure to bleed a lot.  Hospital spirits LOVE blood, they eat it (remember: chauvinistic vampires).

6. Do not leave the hospital the same way you came in, if you do you will never escape.

The other details vary from place to place and on the weather, however with these simple 6 1/2 rule you can navigate your way into a hospital.  Good luck.

Here are what I remember of the previous one hundred posts:

1. We’re still not eating pie.

2. The relationship between Gary Coleman and Gary Oldman is still… being researched.

3. I’m still looking, Mr. Icke. I’m still looking.

4. Vvinni: Episode 1 was just too long.

5. Vvinni: Episode 2 was even longer.

6. Vvinni: Really? Posting three all at once?  You could have saved some.

7. Vvinni: Now you’re just running out of ideas.

8. IMdB is much more Puppy now. And thank God for that.

9. Mr Coyne: You are still groovy as Hell. Never forget that, will you?

10. Vvinni: Nobody watches these, you know.

11. JCVD: One of the year’s best?  Certainly one of Van Damme’s Best.

12. Vvinni: I like your hat.

13. The birds still want to eat the noodles, but they never will.

14. You know, Mr. Gaiman?  I think I’m seeing a common motif in your work.

15. Vvinni: YOU’RE MIXING PLASTICS WITH GLASS.

16. It’s almost time for my Yupd!

17. ZARDOZ. ZARDOZ. ZARDOZ. Beyond 2001, Beyond 2010, Beyond Love, Beyond Death.

18. Vvinni: We’re going back to the graveyard.

19. Shopping Penguin? Shopping Penguin.

20. I gave it  the “Lizards” tag because the Dream-Eating monster is only able to use the reptilian part of his brain. I AM WITTY.

21. He-Yah! We gotta save the farm, rope those… cows…

22. My other documentary was about carpet.

23. It’s changed in ways you can never imagine.

24. PEA SOUP?!

25. Hello.

26. Vvinni: It makes me feel kind of bad I haven’t been having as many adventures this semester.

27. Worship me as a God.

28. YOU’RE TERING ME APART, LISA!

29. It’s still dripping blood all over my floor.

30. I left off here.

31. I picked it back up here.

32. Then I got shot by some bullets.

33. It’s cold inside, you’ll have to wear a cape.

34. I feel I’ve made much more intriguing work than what I did Freshman year.

35. Really? This is when the quest began?  And I haven’t picked it back up until… a few weeks ago?  I am NOT doing a good job questing.

36. Vvinni: You’re trying to hard. Stop it.

37. Exploding Goldfish Films. Check them out, why don’t you?

38. OH MY GOD, IT’S A BEAR!!!!

39. See. This is a documentary about Carpet!

40. Help! It took six months to make this!

41. I kill you both.

42. Andrew did this, I have nothing to say about it.

43. Eggs: A common motif of mine.

44. The world would melt were it made of cheese.

45. OH DEAR GOD IT’S ANOTHER BEAR!

46. One of the best of 1991?

47. I got the problem fixed, but now I can’t see my tongue.

48. That’s definitely a Bear.

49. Chickens, Money omelets, and axe-wielding.

50. Gum: It’s really a disappointment nowadays.

51. No, Bicycles!

52. Goodbye.

53. Ethan Holbrook: He Travels through time and Astronauts.

54. If you want to know more about Discouraging Words, then you should be reading the EXGfilms blog. I’m too busy posting movie reviews that are too long and Filler.

55. The cat represents life because we are all being held by the arms of fate that are attached to the torso of our decisions and that torso is the torso of another cat which, oddly enough, represents the plight of minimum wage worker at Wendy’s.  So, in conclusion: A Cat is a hamburger.

56. J’ai besoin d’étudier à un examen français.

57. Sharks.

58. Sharks.

59. Sharks.

60. Sharks.

61. Sharks.

62. Sharks and Film.

63. Sharks.

64. Skin Removal Cream, Skin Removal Cream, Skin Removal Cream. SKIN REMOVAL CREAM! Skin. Removal. Cream. Skin Removal Cream? Skin Removal Cream! Skin Removal cream skin removal cram, skin, removal cream. Skin Removal Cream. Skin Removal Cream. SKIN. REMOVAL. CREAM. Skin, Removal, Cream, Skin, Removal, Cream. Skin Removal Cream; Skin Removal Cream. Skin Removal Cream: If it weren’t a product, it would BUY YOU! SKIN REMOVAL CREAM?!!!!

65. It is five o’ clock, and so Tea Time is over.

66. A Surprisingly coherent corpse, unlike a certain other one coming up.

67. One of the best of Moon-related sci-fis of 2009?

68. THERE ARE TOO MANY BEARS ON THIS BLOG.

69. ❦

70. Something (A Post).

71. Discouraging Words: Coming Summer of 2010.

72. Nom nom nom nomnom nom nom nom. Nom nom nom nom nomnom nom. Nom nom nom nom nomnom nom. Nom nom nom nom nomnom nom. Nom-nom, nom-nom, nom-nom, nom-nom. Nom-nom, nom-nom, nom-nom, nom-nom. NOM NOM NOM NOMNOM NOM NOM NOM. NOM NOM NOMNOM NOM NOM NOM. NOM NOM NOM NOMNOM NOM NOM NOM. NOM-NOM NOM-NOM NOM-NOM NOM-NOM NOM.

73. I don’t even care what the next post was, THERE WERE HAMSTERS IN THE LAST ONE.

74. Let’s see… Was there a tiger in this one? No, just time travel.

75.  Nathan Fillion: A Man of many talents. Like being both an astronaut and cowboy. Also, being pure evil’s right-hand man and an award-winning novelist.  Truly he accomplished more in a lifetime than any man can.

76. Nick Vogt: A Man whose cat might be a monster.

77. Trail of Terror?

78. I can’t stop this feeling. Deep inside of me. Girl you just don’t realize what you do to me. When you hold me, in your arms so tight, you let me know everything’s alright. I-I-I’m hooked on a feeling. And I’m high on believing that you’re in love with me.  Lips as sweet as candy, your taste is on my mind. Girl, you got me thirstin’ for another cup of wine. Got a bug from you, girl, but I don’t need no cure. I just take your picture (?) If I can be sure. All the good times, when we’re all alone, keep up girl. Yeah, you turn me on. I-I-I’m hooked on a feeling and I’m high on believing that you’re in love with me, oh yeah. All the good times, when we’re all alone. Keep it up girl, yeah you turn me on I-I-I’m Hooked on a feeling and I’m high on believing that you’re in love with me. I said I’m hooked on a feeling. And I’m high on believing that you’re in love me. Yeah, I’m hooked on a feeling!

79. A whole new web is about to be spun, methinks.

80. Does this mean I might be the next Batman?

81. 100 Untitled pieces, most them involve things breaking.

82. Nathan Fillion: He also battle killer slugs from outer-space. Truly, he is a god.

83. Heart attacks.

• 84. OH NO, IT’S ANOTHER BEAR!!! THIS MAKES FOUR! FOUR BEARS!!!
• 85. Beat yourself with a 2×4.
• 86. OooOooOooOOOO Castles. SpoOOOoOoooOOky.
• 87. But doesn’t that explain us all?
• 88. I’m thinking of being Everything next year for Halloween.
• 89. Towed away at owner’s expense.
• 90. Vvinni: I’m thinking of a wall now to block their thought beams.
• 91. I am Rea-Gan! I am-Rea-Gan!
• 92. Don’t even think about coming to rescue me because I’m probably dead.

93. I just made another letter which I baked in the oven with a honey glaze. It was for Christmas.

94. Sword of Doom: One of the best?

95. Why did you kill this Lawn Ornament?

96. Wagga wagga wagga.

97. You’re tearing me apart, Mummy and Robot.

98. Ronald Q. Metellus: Man of Mystery and probably Sandwiches.

99. Joss Whedon: I wish you luck in your ventures outside of the television box, for I shall be on your side when all comes crashing down.

100. I- Oh no. I… I’m going to have to start this post inside of this post now… uh Okay. Here goes: WTIVVVVIMVJVTYVIZVSIHMIPHVWYIIITIIRVEOSHIAETOOITCGNGEITJSSSSSSSSIAOT❦DNILNNTIAD1NHOBOBITVIDISWWYRJ. I-On. I…Igthtstpiotpn… uO. Hg:

WIVVMJTVZIMPVYITIVOHATOTGGIJSSSSZTDINTA1HBBTIIWYJ. I-o. I… I… u. H:

IMP TIVO HAT DIDN’T HAVE. I. I… H:

Adapt vivid, thine moth. I. H:

AVTMIH:

01000001010101100101010001001101010010010100100000111010

000000010000100010001000100

.    .   .   .   .

⠂⠄⠠⠤

⠦

∴

…

-

0

∅

Another Video?! I am on a roll, or rather making up for lost time.

This is second of the video projects I’m doing for my “Constructing the Urban Landscape” class in Boulder (How I plan to construct something Urban in Boulder, I still don’t know).  This assignment was fairly open, we merely had to pick a spot one block outside of campus and explore space through film.  The spot I actually picked wasn’t one block away from campus, but I’m completely content with the place I picked.  It’s an abandoned pool by a playground with a rocket ship.

Anyhoo, let me know what you think. And, if you give me some good criticism before tomorrow (Friday Nov. 6) at 1:00 I can actually re-edit it to fix the errors. For once, I got something done before “on time”.

This is not really an exposé, but I’ve got the graphic all made up so I figured I’d use it.

Today, I wish to speak of a peculiar cinematic force known as the Astronaut Cowboy.  This has recently been brought to mind after seeing a mini-serial known as Stingray Sam about a week ago at the International Film Series in Boulder.  It’s a fun little piece that’s a Science Fiction serial mixed with the singing cowboy tradition and intercut with plenty of photo montages, and it’s much more fun than his other Astronaut Cowboy film The American Astronaut.

However, the Astronaut Cowboy character does not end there.  One of the most striking things about Joss Whedon’s Firefly series was how seamlessly it incorporated both the conventions of the Spaceship crew sub-genre of Science Fiction and the Western, what with the continual references to the Civil War (a different The Civil War), raiders, the endless void of space, the journey west (or rather, away from the center of the system), etc.  That’s also available for free watching on the internet, and I highly recommend it.

There’s also a more “realistic” Astronaut Cowboy movie in Space Cowboys, where Clint Eastwood and Tommy Lee Jones have to go into space to repair a Russian Satellite!  And it doesn’t really have much to do with Cowboys but… but it has the title Space Cowboys.

In fact, the astronaut cowboy has recently infiltrated into my subconscious, appearing in a dream of mine.  This black Space Cowboy was the only person who could help save me from a haunted house (because I think he was also a wizard.  He may also have been played by Tracy Morgan).  Also, directly after meeting the astronaut, this cat came up to me and mewed at me:

www.katebeaton.com

That sounds like a success if ever there was one.  And hey! I’ve also got another piece with an Astronaut Cowboy in it.  Remember Teh Cld Wr? My movie on IMdB? Well I do. And I’ve posted it here. BECAUSE I CAN. Now watch, and God Bless you Captain Spacecraft!

2. Shark with hat.

3. Shark eating other shark.

4. Whale shark.

5. Shark whale.

6. Sad shark.

7. Upset shark.

8. Irritated Shark.

9. Metashark (Shark inside of another Shark).

10. Shark with Chicken Pox.

11. Free Shark.

12. Shark with mustache.

13. Shark nobody likes.

14. Shark that loves puppies.

15. Red Shark.

16. Blue Shark.

17. Cojoined Shark.

18. Shark Cancer.

19. Street shark.

20. Shark Bacon.

21. Dead Shark.

22. Shark from a broken home.

23. Shark that has been overshadowed by a sibling and turns to crime to make up for it.

24. Shark on Bicycle.

25. Shark on boat.

26. Elephant Shark.

27. Robot Shark (They don’t last long).

28. Shark eating peanuts.

29. Shark wondering where it parked.

30. Shark that is a religious fanatic that marries a gullible woman whose children won’t tell the shark where they last father hid $10,000.

31. Shark with lung cancer.

32. Land Shark.

33. Air Shark.

34. Mars Shark.

35. Shark that ate the sun.

36. Hate Shark.

37. Shark of bears.

38. Shark wearing a new t-shirt to get attention.

39. Shark that is unable to interact with others.

40. Shark who can’t write cursive.

41. Shark Mic.

42. Ice Cream Shark Surprise.

43. Potato Shark.

44. Shark with a tattoo.

45. Shark without a cause.

46. Shark on bridge.

47. Shark over troubled waters.

48.  Shark unsure of its health care.

49. Bourgeois Shark.

50. Shark Valshark.

51. Shark Shave.

52. Shark playing cards.

53. Shark dead with bicycles.

54. Shark Single.

55. Mega Shark.

56. Suprashark.

57. Shark unable to cope with death of loved one.

58. Shark in love with cactus.

59. Imaginary Shark.

60. Shark on telephone.

61. Shark Maggot.

62. Shark Vertebrae.

63. Shark with a headache.

64. Shark in Utah.

65. Shark with plant on head.

66. Shark fire.

67. Automated Shark Machine.

68. Shark taped to another shark.

69. Sleeping Shark.

70. Shark who has trouble taking down messages.

71. Shark going to night school.

72. Fossilized Shark.

73. Shark infested waters.

74. Shark allergic to dairy.

75. Shark on Moon.

76. Belgian Shark.

77. Shark Baby.

78. Beetle Shark.

79. Shark in Bathtub.

80. S.H.A.A.R.K (Sharks Against Allegations on Rope Killing).

81. Shark with baseball bat.

82. Shark slightly annoyed by change in weather.

83. Shark best friends with a pig and living in the same house.

84. Shark covered in blood, sobbing.

85. Shark not covered in blood but still sobbing.

86. Shark X.

87. Shark #87.

88. Bull Shark.

89. Saw Shark.

90. Port Jackson Shark.

91. Shark Without a Face.

92. The Shark that Wouldn’t Die.

93. Golden Shark.

94. The Fat Shark Who Always Gets Picked Last in Gym Class.

95. Jello Shark.

96. Invisible Shark.

97. Shark Made out of Reconstituted Bread Crumbs.

98. Disgruntled Shark.

99. Proletariat Shark.

100. The Last Shark.

I’m going to take your silence as a “Yes”.

So, this one is about Andrew Gingerich, head of Exploding Goldfish Films.  What does Exploding Goldfish Films do? Well a little bit of this:

And some of this:

And let’s not forget this:

Aside from making movies and talking about making movies, on the EXG films blog you can also find some other movie reviews, some discussions on filmmaking in general, and some nice little quips about life as a film student/independent filmmaker. And, unlike me, a good deal of what he has to say is very intelligent and precise, and he actually HAS something to say, unlike me.  So check him out why don’t you? Because if you don’t, I will fight you. With a sword. On fire. The sword, not me. Will be on fire. And I can start sentence with whatever word I want to. Earthworm bakes the pie.