If you are excited about the internship for True Grit, keep in mind I was just working with the production offices as a clerk. In fact, here are some of the exciting things I did:

-Stuff new shooting schedules into envelopes.

- Filed dailies (which include slides of scenes shot for the day, production breakdowns, PO forms)

- Filed PO forms.

- Filed check balances.

- Swept a stairwell.

But, nevertheless, it was a neat opportunity, and I still (in a very indirect way) helped the Coen Brothers make a movie. And that is supercool. Sadly, due to legal issues with the Texas production offices, I was relieved of my interning duties a few weeks ago.  But, during my time internning with them the Production Office staff was very nice and friendly, and I really enjoyed it.

As for what I can tell you about True Grit, not too much (I’m also not sure what all I’m allowed to reveal). But I can tell you this: There will be a man in a bear suit.

And what’s next on the Intern horizon for me?  Well, hopefully the upcoming John Favreau (Iron Man) directed feature “Cowboys and Aliens”. It’s about Cowboys and Indians setting down their arms against each other in order to fight invading aliens, and is rumored to be starring Harrison Ford and Daniel Craig.

I am posting from the Denver International Airport.  I am sorry to say that I have not seen any escaped children refugees, but I think the TSA guy might have eaten a fly.  But I’m still looking, Mr. Icke, I’ll always be looking.

Sincerely,

Vvinni J. Gagnepain

I feel that this might be one of the tightest films Culbert has made, although you can view many others by looking at the Naculbrionic Vimeo page.  He’s also the one who brought us the documentary into the life of Evan Bustria, filmmaker (?), Creeper, and Globetrotter.

Also, here’s one that I’m in.

Culbert has a specific voice in all of his works, and that certainly gets in the way of comprehension at points, however considering that the most recent film he’s done is Manifest Destiny, I think he’s certainly improving and growing beyond general film school fair.  So keep it going, Mr. Culbert. I’m fighting for you with laser beams and robo-boots.

Also, he did the epic tale of MANCATTE:

I’ve already gone into a lengthy look into whether or not Troll 2 is truly “The Worst Movie Ever”, however there are a few observations I’d like to make after seeing Best Worst Movie:

George Hardy: Also known as Farmer Waits, George now spends his time in his home state of Alabama practicing dentistry.  Of course, he never stopped practicing dentistry.  Even when filming Troll 2 he was practicing dentistry during the week.  But I digress. What really struck about seeing the real George Hardy, is that he really is a dentist.  What I mean by this is, when you’re getting your teeth cleaned your dentist makes small talk with you, generally about whatever field your involved with (for me and many filmmaking friends, they’re talking about what they liked about various movies they’ve seen, or ideas for a script they had, etc.).  However, what is truly fascinating is that they always remain a dentist.  They cannot, no matter how much they want to, escape from their toothy world no matter how neat and nice of people they may be.  And that perfectly describes George Hardy: A Dentist.

Want some... Joshua fffffffffffffffffffff

Claudio Fragasso: The director of such Italian classics as Evil Dead 5, Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3, Zombie 4: After Death, and Troll 2.  Fragasso continues working in the Italian Film industry, with his latest film coming out October 9th of this year titled Le Ultime 56 Ore.  In my previous post comparing Troll 2 and The Room, I conceded that Troll 2 was the worse film because it was the more despicably shot film.  I still feel this way after seeing a bit of Fragasso in life: The man is despicable.  Firstly, he calls his actors dogs.  As if actors cannot present any useful ideas themselves, but rather must blindly follow the director in his whims. Also, during the filming of Troll 2, Fragasso told all of the American actors that he knew English better than them.  He also told Connie Young (Who played Holly Waits) that he knew more about being an American preteen girl than she did, Connie at the time being an American Preteen Girl.  Fragasso also has this type of God complex about Troll 2, he assumes that when people tell him that Troll 2 is great that they actually mean it’s on par with such cinematic classics as Casablanca, Chinatown, or Fargo (This is clearly not the case.  If you think it is the case, I kindly show you the exit door to my website domain).

Grandpa Seth: His real name is Robert Ormsby, and he’s surprisingly depressing.  There’s an extended sequence in Best Worst Movie where Ormsby is talking about his life has been really unfulfilling and bleak, and it is incredibly sad. I’m sorry, Mr. Ormsby.  Please don’t be sad.

What I found very interesting about Best Worst Movie is that everyone involved with Troll 2 (Except the crew, many of whom still cannot speak English.  Most of whom cannot speak English very well) tried everything they could to run away from it.  However, much like the cursed blood of Duncan, they cannot clear the stigma of Troll 2.  And thus, how do they continue as human beings?  This problem is also seen with the cast of Star Trek, Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher, and perhaps even Johnny Depp.  Certain performances or characters become so iconic, that no matter how hard they try to escape, their tombstones will read “Troll 2″ “Luke Skywalker” “Mr. Spock” and “That Wacky Guy from Tim Burton’s Films”.  What seems inevitable, is that everyone must come back to their iconic performances and embrace it as part of who they are.

In closing: Deborah Reed (Credence Leonore Gielgud, or The Goblin Witch, or That Girl You Want To Kill Every Time She Shows Up On Screen) still remains a mystery.  And that is a problem for me.

Here are what I remember of the previous one hundred posts:

1. We’re still not eating pie.

2. The relationship between Gary Coleman and Gary Oldman is still… being researched.

3. I’m still looking, Mr. Icke. I’m still looking.

4. Vvinni: Episode 1 was just too long.

5. Vvinni: Episode 2 was even longer.

6. Vvinni: Really? Posting three all at once?  You could have saved some.

7. Vvinni: Now you’re just running out of ideas.

8. IMdB is much more Puppy now. And thank God for that.

9. Mr Coyne: You are still groovy as Hell. Never forget that, will you?

10. Vvinni: Nobody watches these, you know.

11. JCVD: One of the year’s best?  Certainly one of Van Damme’s Best.

12. Vvinni: I like your hat.

13. The birds still want to eat the noodles, but they never will.

14. You know, Mr. Gaiman?  I think I’m seeing a common motif in your work.

15. Vvinni: YOU’RE MIXING PLASTICS WITH GLASS.

16. It’s almost time for my Yupd!

17. ZARDOZ. ZARDOZ. ZARDOZ. Beyond 2001, Beyond 2010, Beyond Love, Beyond Death.

18. Vvinni: We’re going back to the graveyard.

19. Shopping Penguin? Shopping Penguin.

20. I gave it  the “Lizards” tag because the Dream-Eating monster is only able to use the reptilian part of his brain. I AM WITTY.

21. He-Yah! We gotta save the farm, rope those… cows…

22. My other documentary was about carpet.

23. It’s changed in ways you can never imagine.

24. PEA SOUP?!

25. Hello.

26. Vvinni: It makes me feel kind of bad I haven’t been having as many adventures this semester.

27. Worship me as a God.

28. YOU’RE TERING ME APART, LISA!

29. It’s still dripping blood all over my floor.

30. I left off here.

31. I picked it back up here.

32. Then I got shot by some bullets.

33. It’s cold inside, you’ll have to wear a cape.

34. I feel I’ve made much more intriguing work than what I did Freshman year.

35. Really? This is when the quest began?  And I haven’t picked it back up until… a few weeks ago?  I am NOT doing a good job questing.

36. Vvinni: You’re trying to hard. Stop it.

37. Exploding Goldfish Films. Check them out, why don’t you?

38. OH MY GOD, IT’S A BEAR!!!!

39. See. This is a documentary about Carpet!

40. Help! It took six months to make this!

41. I kill you both.

42. Andrew did this, I have nothing to say about it.

43. Eggs: A common motif of mine.

44. The world would melt were it made of cheese.

45. OH DEAR GOD IT’S ANOTHER BEAR!

46. One of the best of 1991?

47. I got the problem fixed, but now I can’t see my tongue.

48. That’s definitely a Bear.

49. Chickens, Money omelets, and axe-wielding.

50. Gum: It’s really a disappointment nowadays.

51. No, Bicycles!

52. Goodbye.

53. Ethan Holbrook: He Travels through time and Astronauts.

54. If you want to know more about Discouraging Words, then you should be reading the EXGfilms blog. I’m too busy posting movie reviews that are too long and Filler.

55. The cat represents life because we are all being held by the arms of fate that are attached to the torso of our decisions and that torso is the torso of another cat which, oddly enough, represents the plight of minimum wage worker at Wendy’s.  So, in conclusion: A Cat is a hamburger.

56. J’ai besoin d’étudier à un examen français.

57. Sharks.

58. Sharks.

59. Sharks.

60. Sharks.

61. Sharks.

62. Sharks and Film.

63. Sharks.

64. Skin Removal Cream, Skin Removal Cream, Skin Removal Cream. SKIN REMOVAL CREAM! Skin. Removal. Cream. Skin Removal Cream? Skin Removal Cream! Skin Removal cream skin removal cram, skin, removal cream. Skin Removal Cream. Skin Removal Cream. SKIN. REMOVAL. CREAM. Skin, Removal, Cream, Skin, Removal, Cream. Skin Removal Cream; Skin Removal Cream. Skin Removal Cream: If it weren’t a product, it would BUY YOU! SKIN REMOVAL CREAM?!!!!

65. It is five o’ clock, and so Tea Time is over.

66. A Surprisingly coherent corpse, unlike a certain other one coming up.

67. One of the best of Moon-related sci-fis of 2009?

68. THERE ARE TOO MANY BEARS ON THIS BLOG.

69. ❦

70. Something (A Post).

71. Discouraging Words: Coming Summer of 2010.

72. Nom nom nom nomnom nom nom nom. Nom nom nom nom nomnom nom. Nom nom nom nom nomnom nom. Nom nom nom nom nomnom nom. Nom-nom, nom-nom, nom-nom, nom-nom. Nom-nom, nom-nom, nom-nom, nom-nom. NOM NOM NOM NOMNOM NOM NOM NOM. NOM NOM NOMNOM NOM NOM NOM. NOM NOM NOM NOMNOM NOM NOM NOM. NOM-NOM NOM-NOM NOM-NOM NOM-NOM NOM.

73. I don’t even care what the next post was, THERE WERE HAMSTERS IN THE LAST ONE.

74. Let’s see… Was there a tiger in this one? No, just time travel.

75.  Nathan Fillion: A Man of many talents. Like being both an astronaut and cowboy. Also, being pure evil’s right-hand man and an award-winning novelist.  Truly he accomplished more in a lifetime than any man can.

76. Nick Vogt: A Man whose cat might be a monster.

77. Trail of Terror?

78. I can’t stop this feeling. Deep inside of me. Girl you just don’t realize what you do to me. When you hold me, in your arms so tight, you let me know everything’s alright. I-I-I’m hooked on a feeling. And I’m high on believing that you’re in love with me.  Lips as sweet as candy, your taste is on my mind. Girl, you got me thirstin’ for another cup of wine. Got a bug from you, girl, but I don’t need no cure. I just take your picture (?) If I can be sure. All the good times, when we’re all alone, keep up girl. Yeah, you turn me on. I-I-I’m hooked on a feeling and I’m high on believing that you’re in love with me, oh yeah. All the good times, when we’re all alone. Keep it up girl, yeah you turn me on I-I-I’m Hooked on a feeling and I’m high on believing that you’re in love with me. I said I’m hooked on a feeling. And I’m high on believing that you’re in love me. Yeah, I’m hooked on a feeling!

79. A whole new web is about to be spun, methinks.

80. Does this mean I might be the next Batman?

81. 100 Untitled pieces, most them involve things breaking.

82. Nathan Fillion: He also battle killer slugs from outer-space. Truly, he is a god.

83. Heart attacks.

• 84. OH NO, IT’S ANOTHER BEAR!!! THIS MAKES FOUR! FOUR BEARS!!!
• 85. Beat yourself with a 2×4.
• 86. OooOooOooOOOO Castles. SpoOOOoOoooOOky.
• 87. But doesn’t that explain us all?
• 88. I’m thinking of being Everything next year for Halloween.
• 89. Towed away at owner’s expense.
• 90. Vvinni: I’m thinking of a wall now to block their thought beams.
• 91. I am Rea-Gan! I am-Rea-Gan!
• 92. Don’t even think about coming to rescue me because I’m probably dead.

93. I just made another letter which I baked in the oven with a honey glaze. It was for Christmas.

94. Sword of Doom: One of the best?

95. Why did you kill this Lawn Ornament?

96. Wagga wagga wagga.

97. You’re tearing me apart, Mummy and Robot.

98. Ronald Q. Metellus: Man of Mystery and probably Sandwiches.

99. Joss Whedon: I wish you luck in your ventures outside of the television box, for I shall be on your side when all comes crashing down.

100. I- Oh no. I… I’m going to have to start this post inside of this post now… uh Okay. Here goes: WTIVVVVIMVJVTYVIZVSIHMIPHVWYIIITIIRVEOSHIAETOOITCGNGEITJSSSSSSSSIAOT❦DNILNNTIAD1NHOBOBITVIDISWWYRJ. I-On. I…Igthtstpiotpn… uO. Hg:

WIVVMJTVZIMPVYITIVOHATOTGGIJSSSSZTDINTA1HBBTIIWYJ. I-o. I… I… u. H:

IMP TIVO HAT DIDN’T HAVE. I. I… H:

Adapt vivid, thine moth. I. H:

AVTMIH:

01000001010101100101010001001101010010010100100000111010

000000010000100010001000100

.    .   .   .   .

⠂⠄⠠⠤

⠦

∴

…

-

0

∅

Me being myself, I chose to go a different route.  I chose to shoot and create my own apocalypse.

This proved to be rather difficult however, because as of right now I still don’t know the Boulder area nor do I know any people to con into being on a film crew or to be actors.  This meant I had to make the apocalypse alone.

With the help of Andrew Gingerich, the Wikimedia Commons, and Night of the Living Dead, I’ve created this: Shrimpocalypse! Now originally it was to be due yesterday (Friday), however it’s been pushed back a week.  This means that you, my seven readers, can tell me if this works or not.  Please, any feedback you can give would be greatly appreciated. Please. Tell me anything.

This is the first of four assignments I am to make for this class.  For the first of which we were to create a “digital essay” combining footage from Chantal Ackerman’s Jeanne Dielman, 23 Quai du Commerce, 1080 Bruxelles, Shirley Clarke’s Ornette: Made in America and The Cool World, and At Land and Meshes of the Afternoon by Maya Deren.  What exactly a “digital essay” is, and why our professor couldn’t say “film”, I don’t know.  But here it is, let me know what you think.

And, no, I don’t think it’s legal to have this up on the internet.

I received I Got the Poops in a sealed hard drive encasement.

I did not have a hard drive encasement, so what kind of devious package could I send the tape back to Andrew in?

How I made it.

Well, what I DID have was a few boxes, some mailing envelopes, stacks upon stacks of old time magazines, and Netflix flaps that I’d be recycling.  I also had a motif I was working with for the entirety of this piece (including In Fridge).  Thus, I got to work creating what can be described as a complicated web of papers and lies.  I shall now go backwards, starting with the tape.

The tape itself came to me with no blemishes and no markings. I returned it that way.

I placed the tape within a small white mailing envelope.  But just having it inside of the envelope would be too easy, so I glued it shut.  But the glue didn’t stick, and even if it did, there was still something missing.  So, I decided to paint the Lyrics to the Beatles’ “Happiness is a Warm Gun” in black paint onto the envelope. Somehow, it seemed fitting.

When I received the tape, it was wrapped in Timecube®.  I went for a much more mainstream conspiracy theory, but one that’s gaining temporal significance.  I speak, of course, about 2012.  I didn’t have any paper, so I printed it onto some old worm drawings I had for a design project.

This has little to do with what is being discussed.

But the package was still too easy to open.  I needed to supply my own screwdriver to open mine, and what’s the point of sending a package if I want it to be opened?  My gaze turned to the box.  I had two of them, one of which I’d be using to send it.  But what about the other?  And the magazines? What could I do with them?

I could construct a complicated box-like cardboard skeleton out of the box, cut up the magazines and the Netflix pages (with some adjustments, of course) and boil them into a papier maché-like substance which I would then seal the tape into the structure with!  Of Course, it was so simple!

I had a box. I had a sculpture. And it fit into the other box.  Also I start sentences with prepositions.

Two Gods, Putin, a Flying Conchord...

But it was still all too easy, he just had to cut through some layers of paper.  What else could I do? Ah-ha! I could glue another cardboard “lid” over the complicated sculpture and glued it into the box.  I also sealed it in there with some of the remaining “paper soup” I used on the complicated box.  It created an interesting I-Spy effect, as if it were an I-Spy gone terribly terribly wrong.

After I also sealed half of a fork in there (I had to help Andrew out with opening the box, and I had a broken fork due to a faulty refrigerator).  So I taped up the box. I taped it all kinds of up, I also stapled instructions for creating the box to some extra cardboard and sealed it in a paper cocoon on the bottom.

You won't get one million dollars with the press of a button, though.

I then covered the whole thing with a paper bag, so as to make it look more mystical and presentable. I painted the addresses on, wrapped it in wire, and went off to send it.  Unfortunately the clerk at the mailing center told me that I couldn’t wrap the package in wire, what with computers and everything.  So I took the wire off, and sent it to Andrew.

“BUT VVINNI,” You yell at your computer’s screen, “WHAT WAS IT LIKE OPENING THE PACKAGE AFTER IT WAS MAAAAAAIIIIIILLLLLLED?!??!?!?!?????!”

Yes, Andrew recorded himself opening the package and uploaded it into the Internet cloud. He also took all the pictures you see on this post. Wasn’t that nice of him?

Bear v. Pack of Wolves: WHO WILL WIN?!

Yes. A Bear.