After an initial period of temper tantrums and hatred for the information (Summation: Not only is this information more or less useless, in that it’s merely saying “LOOK EVERYONE EARTHQUAKES EXIST AND PEOPLE DIE FROM THEM!”, but it’s also not intriguing and a form of catastrophe that I have no relation to whatsoever), I finally had a breakthrough: I don’t need to like this information, I just need to explore something that I do like using this information.

So I decided to explore color and type, which by proxy led me to explore form, in the form of floor tiles (after all, why would you put information about the ground opening up on a wall?).  The tiles are 2′x2′, and a 6″x6″ Handkey accompanies the footchart. I’ve put a few of the tiles below.

If you’re going to be in Santa Fe the early part of September, stop by the College of Santa Fe.  All of the infographics will be presented in their full scale and glory, possibly in a gallery setting.

And, yes, I do enjoy the phrase “coup-d’état”. Thank you for noticing.

Tiny Deaths

About 224,000 dead.

The Earthquake tiles were based off of percentages.

Let me know what you think, why not?

“Around them, down through ravines, and then along their edges, up the stony, earthy  sides of the gorges, until at length they halted as they believed in the very heart  of this wild looking place. “Here we are!” said Howard. “I don’t see how we can advance much further without going out to the other side.” “It’s the qua’rest sight I iver looked upon,” said Tim, turning round and round, meaning the wild scenery. ”But there is nothing learned of Elwood.” “Niver a sign do I saa of the youngster,” rejoined Tim. “I graive to think we cannot be near him.” “We have gone on the wrong track.” “I’m a feared so.” ”Too bad, too bad,” wailed Howard, “what is to come of the poor fellow?” “But we can’t till,” hastily added Tim, “do yees put your fingers in your mouth and give that jolly little whistle.” Howard Lawrence was in the very act of doing so when his arm was suddenly arrested by his companion, who, with an exclamation of surprise pointed to a ledge of rocks above them. CHAPTER XL. THE END OF THE SEARCH.  About a hundred and fifty feet above them, almost perpendicularly upward, stood an antelope, its small neck outstretched, and its dark, beautiful eyes fixed upon them with a wondering expression. It was on the very edge of a projecting rock where one step more would ….”

Would what? Perhaps I shall never know, and this is sad. Also in the e-mail was this wavy ad for experimental medications:

CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK

And that’s how one shows alchemy and the four classical elements through packaging and tapes.  But let’s take a closer look at this, shall we?

The outer box is, of course, the philosopher’s stone, rumored to grant immortality to those who possessed it.  Besides that, there are four tapes, one tape per element.

Tape of Fire:  Perhaps the most obvious one, tape of fire was surrounded in ashen paper and sealed with a salamander (the animal of fire).  And, yes Andrew, that WAS blood.  But it wasn’t real blood, this is because the humour that was most associated with fire in Medieval medicine was blood.  Tape of fire was inscribed with the symbol for “Salamander” and an upward oriented triangle, and the tape itself was a tennis tape: because tennis is firey and competitive.  As for how I “treated” the tape, it should be pretty clear: It covered it in lighter fluid and I BURNED IT. Oh, and to make sure that the wrapping would stay on I put the wrapped package in an oven for some seconds.

Tape of Water:  Perhaps the tape that took the longest to prepare, tape of water was mostly sealed with papers covered in water and glue and sealed with a manatee (The creature of water is technically an Undine, which is basically a mermaid.  So, I figured a manatee was basically a mermaid).  Tape of Water is the first tape opened in the film, it was inscribed with an Undine symbol and a downward facing triangle, and the tape itself was a Yoga tape (Because Yoga is smooth and fluid).  I “Treated” the tape by firstly submerging it in water for a couple of days.  After that, the taped was continuously frozen and thawed over a period of a week. Then, I took the block of ice that the tape was frozen in, and dropped it into a pot of boiling water.

Tape of Air: Perhaps the most difficult tape to conceptualize, after all how to give something “air damage” without the aid of a wind tunnel?  I decided a microwave was a good thing, and so I used it, after all the microwave works by manipulating the air around an object.  Aside from microwaving it I also smoked it, but that only gave it a strange yellow coloring.  I covered the tape with aerosol glue (hence the stickiness) and sealed it with a Quetzal (the creature of air is the sprite, so I figured a quetzal was a good spritely bird).  It was inscribed with an upward facing triangle bisected by a line, and the symbol for Saturn: Planet of Air.

Tape of Earth: The functional tape.  I decided Earth would be the real tape, because sealing it in a block of clay wouldn’t harm the tape but would be difficult to open.  It was sealed with mud and a Scarab Beetle (The creature for Earth is a dwarf, so… Scarab?).  It was inscribed with a downward pointing triangle bisected with a line and (MOST IMPORTANTLY) a protection rune against dark magics and telepathy.  I figured this would help us out during the shipping process, Andrew.  Aside from sealing the tape in a block of clay, I also covered the tape with aluminum foil (with the classical Chinese elements, Earth was replaced with the element of metal) in order to keep the tape from being damaged as the clay dried.

Oh, and you were wondering what you did to me to deserve this, Andrew?  You hurt my feelings. Try not to do that again.

Les Lesons du Francais

1. How to get to the Hospital.  Luckily, we here in the past have maps for free viewing on a massive intertwined web. Here is how to get to the Hospital:

View Larger Map

2. When entering into a hospital, it is very important NOT TO MAKE EYE CONTACT.  Hospitals are full of evil spirits who enter your soul through the nearest third dimensional gateway: The retina.

- As a sidenote, Hospitals cannot get rid of the evil spirits, because evil spirits are EXCELLENT Ear, Nose, and Heart doctors.

3. Many people like to sell hats in Hospitals; this is because they are chauvinistic vampires who prey off the sick and needy. DO NOT BUY A HOSPITAL HAT, THEY ARE ITCHY AND MADE OF WOOL.

4. In the current health system, the primary tool for doctoring is an axe.  If you provide your own, you may pay less.

5. In a hospital, the louder you are the sooner you will be helped.  Also, be sure to bleed a lot.  Hospital spirits LOVE blood, they eat it (remember: chauvinistic vampires).

6. Do not leave the hospital the same way you came in, if you do you will never escape.

The other details vary from place to place and on the weather, however with these simple 6 1/2 rule you can navigate your way into a hospital.  Good luck.

I looked down at the blood-covered doctors coat I was wearing. I should never have agreed to this. I should never had let my guard down.

Now they are dead. They are dead, and I am the murderer. It is also my birthday.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am a Man who has been pushed over the edge.  And someone has just eaten my package.  A storm is coming, friends, and that storm is me.

A few stray observations on the “Murderer” package:

1) The boxes are getting larger.

2) We still have the inclusion of YouTube videos.

3) Whats this? Actors? ACTORS and SPECIAL FILMING?!

4) Ah, yes, still with the popular songs, I see?

5) Thank you for the homage.

6) You’re not the only one who can make soup.

And thus begins a new web to be woven.  What was on that most mysterious video tape?  Oh, well you shall know in due time.  For now, let’s just say it’s a birthday wish. A very special birthday wish.

Here are what I remember of the previous one hundred posts:

1. We’re still not eating pie.

2. The relationship between Gary Coleman and Gary Oldman is still… being researched.

3. I’m still looking, Mr. Icke. I’m still looking.

4. Vvinni: Episode 1 was just too long.

5. Vvinni: Episode 2 was even longer.

6. Vvinni: Really? Posting three all at once?  You could have saved some.

7. Vvinni: Now you’re just running out of ideas.

8. IMdB is much more Puppy now. And thank God for that.

9. Mr Coyne: You are still groovy as Hell. Never forget that, will you?

10. Vvinni: Nobody watches these, you know.

11. JCVD: One of the year’s best?  Certainly one of Van Damme’s Best.

12. Vvinni: I like your hat.

13. The birds still want to eat the noodles, but they never will.

14. You know, Mr. Gaiman?  I think I’m seeing a common motif in your work.

15. Vvinni: YOU’RE MIXING PLASTICS WITH GLASS.

16. It’s almost time for my Yupd!

17. ZARDOZ. ZARDOZ. ZARDOZ. Beyond 2001, Beyond 2010, Beyond Love, Beyond Death.

18. Vvinni: We’re going back to the graveyard.

19. Shopping Penguin? Shopping Penguin.

20. I gave it  the “Lizards” tag because the Dream-Eating monster is only able to use the reptilian part of his brain. I AM WITTY.

21. He-Yah! We gotta save the farm, rope those… cows…

22. My other documentary was about carpet.

23. It’s changed in ways you can never imagine.

24. PEA SOUP?!

25. Hello.

26. Vvinni: It makes me feel kind of bad I haven’t been having as many adventures this semester.

27. Worship me as a God.

28. YOU’RE TERING ME APART, LISA!

29. It’s still dripping blood all over my floor.

30. I left off here.

31. I picked it back up here.

32. Then I got shot by some bullets.

33. It’s cold inside, you’ll have to wear a cape.

34. I feel I’ve made much more intriguing work than what I did Freshman year.

35. Really? This is when the quest began?  And I haven’t picked it back up until… a few weeks ago?  I am NOT doing a good job questing.

36. Vvinni: You’re trying to hard. Stop it.

37. Exploding Goldfish Films. Check them out, why don’t you?

38. OH MY GOD, IT’S A BEAR!!!!

39. See. This is a documentary about Carpet!

40. Help! It took six months to make this!

41. I kill you both.

42. Andrew did this, I have nothing to say about it.

43. Eggs: A common motif of mine.

44. The world would melt were it made of cheese.

45. OH DEAR GOD IT’S ANOTHER BEAR!

46. One of the best of 1991?

47. I got the problem fixed, but now I can’t see my tongue.

48. That’s definitely a Bear.

49. Chickens, Money omelets, and axe-wielding.

50. Gum: It’s really a disappointment nowadays.

51. No, Bicycles!

52. Goodbye.

53. Ethan Holbrook: He Travels through time and Astronauts.

54. If you want to know more about Discouraging Words, then you should be reading the EXGfilms blog. I’m too busy posting movie reviews that are too long and Filler.

55. The cat represents life because we are all being held by the arms of fate that are attached to the torso of our decisions and that torso is the torso of another cat which, oddly enough, represents the plight of minimum wage worker at Wendy’s.  So, in conclusion: A Cat is a hamburger.

56. J’ai besoin d’étudier à un examen français.

57. Sharks.

58. Sharks.

59. Sharks.

60. Sharks.

61. Sharks.

62. Sharks and Film.

63. Sharks.

64. Skin Removal Cream, Skin Removal Cream, Skin Removal Cream. SKIN REMOVAL CREAM! Skin. Removal. Cream. Skin Removal Cream? Skin Removal Cream! Skin Removal cream skin removal cram, skin, removal cream. Skin Removal Cream. Skin Removal Cream. SKIN. REMOVAL. CREAM. Skin, Removal, Cream, Skin, Removal, Cream. Skin Removal Cream; Skin Removal Cream. Skin Removal Cream: If it weren’t a product, it would BUY YOU! SKIN REMOVAL CREAM?!!!!

65. It is five o’ clock, and so Tea Time is over.

66. A Surprisingly coherent corpse, unlike a certain other one coming up.

67. One of the best of Moon-related sci-fis of 2009?

68. THERE ARE TOO MANY BEARS ON THIS BLOG.

69. ❦

70. Something (A Post).

71. Discouraging Words: Coming Summer of 2010.

72. Nom nom nom nomnom nom nom nom. Nom nom nom nom nomnom nom. Nom nom nom nom nomnom nom. Nom nom nom nom nomnom nom. Nom-nom, nom-nom, nom-nom, nom-nom. Nom-nom, nom-nom, nom-nom, nom-nom. NOM NOM NOM NOMNOM NOM NOM NOM. NOM NOM NOMNOM NOM NOM NOM. NOM NOM NOM NOMNOM NOM NOM NOM. NOM-NOM NOM-NOM NOM-NOM NOM-NOM NOM.

73. I don’t even care what the next post was, THERE WERE HAMSTERS IN THE LAST ONE.

74. Let’s see… Was there a tiger in this one? No, just time travel.

75.  Nathan Fillion: A Man of many talents. Like being both an astronaut and cowboy. Also, being pure evil’s right-hand man and an award-winning novelist.  Truly he accomplished more in a lifetime than any man can.

76. Nick Vogt: A Man whose cat might be a monster.

77. Trail of Terror?

78. I can’t stop this feeling. Deep inside of me. Girl you just don’t realize what you do to me. When you hold me, in your arms so tight, you let me know everything’s alright. I-I-I’m hooked on a feeling. And I’m high on believing that you’re in love with me.  Lips as sweet as candy, your taste is on my mind. Girl, you got me thirstin’ for another cup of wine. Got a bug from you, girl, but I don’t need no cure. I just take your picture (?) If I can be sure. All the good times, when we’re all alone, keep up girl. Yeah, you turn me on. I-I-I’m hooked on a feeling and I’m high on believing that you’re in love with me, oh yeah. All the good times, when we’re all alone. Keep it up girl, yeah you turn me on I-I-I’m Hooked on a feeling and I’m high on believing that you’re in love with me. I said I’m hooked on a feeling. And I’m high on believing that you’re in love me. Yeah, I’m hooked on a feeling!

79. A whole new web is about to be spun, methinks.

80. Does this mean I might be the next Batman?

81. 100 Untitled pieces, most them involve things breaking.

82. Nathan Fillion: He also battle killer slugs from outer-space. Truly, he is a god.

83. Heart attacks.

• 84. OH NO, IT’S ANOTHER BEAR!!! THIS MAKES FOUR! FOUR BEARS!!!
• 85. Beat yourself with a 2×4.
• 86. OooOooOooOOOO Castles. SpoOOOoOoooOOky.
• 87. But doesn’t that explain us all?
• 88. I’m thinking of being Everything next year for Halloween.
• 89. Towed away at owner’s expense.
• 90. Vvinni: I’m thinking of a wall now to block their thought beams.
• 91. I am Rea-Gan! I am-Rea-Gan!
• 92. Don’t even think about coming to rescue me because I’m probably dead.

93. I just made another letter which I baked in the oven with a honey glaze. It was for Christmas.

94. Sword of Doom: One of the best?

95. Why did you kill this Lawn Ornament?

96. Wagga wagga wagga.

97. You’re tearing me apart, Mummy and Robot.

98. Ronald Q. Metellus: Man of Mystery and probably Sandwiches.

99. Joss Whedon: I wish you luck in your ventures outside of the television box, for I shall be on your side when all comes crashing down.

100. I- Oh no. I… I’m going to have to start this post inside of this post now… uh Okay. Here goes: WTIVVVVIMVJVTYVIZVSIHMIPHVWYIIITIIRVEOSHIAETOOITCGNGEITJSSSSSSSSIAOT❦DNILNNTIAD1NHOBOBITVIDISWWYRJ. I-On. I…Igthtstpiotpn… uO. Hg:

WIVVMJTVZIMPVYITIVOHATOTGGIJSSSSZTDINTA1HBBTIIWYJ. I-o. I… I… u. H:

IMP TIVO HAT DIDN’T HAVE. I. I… H:

Adapt vivid, thine moth. I. H:

AVTMIH:

01000001010101100101010001001101010010010100100000111010

000000010000100010001000100

.    .   .   .   .

⠂⠄⠠⠤

⠦

∴

…

-

0

∅

Thank you for existing.

I was trying to come up with some words that would express my feelings for your body of work, and I feel the above about sums it up.

And... is that a houndstooth tie? NO!

In a recent interview I had with one Andrew Gingerich about future filmmaking projects for the Making of documentary Stories From Sturgeon, Mr. Gingerich expressed dismay that there no one in television worked in the fusion of genres.  Well, Mr. Whedon, I believe we could both disagree with Mr. Gingerich’s remark as I feel one of your many strengths as a filmmaker is in the seamless fusion of two disparate genres.

In one of your most well known works, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, for example you were able to explain life using demons and vampires and ghosts. And that is neat.  In your cult television show Firefly you were able to integrate the Western and Sci-Fi genres incredibly well, incorporating common elements of civil war, isolation, expansionism, and the idea of “A Man and his Horse”.  This is also very neat.

However, simple genre integration, although super cool, would fail if it were written poorly.  Lucky for both of us that you’re not.  Yes, I heard some of your commentary on Buffy, and I was very glad to hear that you are indeed a smart filmmaker.  You’re also a very smart writer, as the characterization in all of the works of yours that I’ve seen is incredibly strong. It is because of these characters and these people that we are able to believe in your integrated worlds, and in a television dominated with shit like Heroes, it’s nice to watch a show that defines characters beyond “I JUST WANT TO FIT IN!” and “I’m bumbling and I’m a foreigner”.

So thank you Mr. Whedon. Thank you very much.

Sincerely,

Vvinni J. Gagnepain

PS: I suppose this post isn’t very useful, now is it?