Firstly, the numbers:

This marks the 104th post. As of its writing there have been a total of 183 comments on The Great and Powerful Henceblog.  This is balanced out by the fact that there have been about 4,190 Spam comments made.

All in all, the comments on The Great and Powerful Henceblog average out to 94% spam and 6% Legitimate (This is, however, a massive improvement over where we were in the middle of the year).

The month where the most Legitimate comments were made was October with 43. The month where the most Spam comments were made was May with 794.

The Great and Powerful Henceblog has 17 Categories and 61 Tags.  We now move away from what may appear as a guilt trip, and onto much more fun areas.

Such as: The Most popular posts (with 7 comments each):

1) About Film, Time, and Pumas

2) A Letter to Mr. Whedon

3) Halloween: A Retrospective

4) Without the T’s: Slither

Now on to the most viewed films of mine in 2009:

1) Disfigurement Man: The Fear Wake

2) Skin Removal Cream

3) Lamplight Breakfast on a Burning Kitten

4) Coo Coo Clam and the Gravity Brigade

5) Deadisode 8

The most used tags are: Video (34), Things Better Than Hobgoblins (22), Kaboom! (19), Misco (17), Past (14), Discussion (14).

The least used tags are: Birthday Funtime! (1), Crustaceans (2), FAT (2), RO-BOT (2), Wind- (2).

The most useless posts are:

1) Filler

2) This one

3) A Letter to Mr. Perez

And so, to close: Here is 2009 in a picture:

]]> http://www.henceforthproductions.com/henceblog/archives/922/feed 2 http://www.henceforthproductions.com/henceblog/archives/838 http://www.henceforthproductions.com/henceblog/archives/838#comments Mon, 14 Dec 2009 18:46:46 +0000 Vv http://www.henceforthproductions.com/henceblog/?p=838 This is it, internet.  I have made a footprint in your soft soil that will someday become a mighty canyon due to soil erosion and overdevelopment.  I have posted one hundred things n this here Great and Powerful Henceblog.

Here are what I remember of the previous one hundred posts:

1. We’re still not eating pie.

2. The relationship between Gary Coleman and Gary Oldman is still… being researched.

3. I’m still looking, Mr. Icke. I’m still looking.

4. Vvinni: Episode 1 was just too long.

5. Vvinni: Episode 2 was even longer.

6. Vvinni: Really? Posting three all at once?  You could have saved some.

7. Vvinni: Now you’re just running out of ideas.

8. IMdB is much more Puppy now. And thank God for that.

9. Mr Coyne: You are still groovy as Hell. Never forget that, will you?

10. Vvinni: Nobody watches these, you know.

11. JCVD: One of the year’s best?  Certainly one of Van Damme’s Best.

12. Vvinni: I like your hat.

13. The birds still want to eat the noodles, but they never will.

14. You know, Mr. Gaiman?  I think I’m seeing a common motif in your work.

15. Vvinni: YOU’RE MIXING PLASTICS WITH GLASS.

16. It’s almost time for my Yupd!

17. ZARDOZ. ZARDOZ. ZARDOZ. Beyond 2001, Beyond 2010, Beyond Love, Beyond Death.

18. Vvinni: We’re going back to the graveyard.

19. Shopping Penguin? Shopping Penguin.

20. I gave it  the “Lizards” tag because the Dream-Eating monster is only able to use the reptilian part of his brain. I AM WITTY.

21. He-Yah! We gotta save the farm, rope those… cows…

22. My other documentary was about carpet.

23. It’s changed in ways you can never imagine.

24. PEA SOUP?!

25. Hello.

26. Vvinni: It makes me feel kind of bad I haven’t been having as many adventures this semester.

27. Worship me as a God.

28. YOU’RE TERING ME APART, LISA!

29. It’s still dripping blood all over my floor.

30. I left off here.

31. I picked it back up here.

32. Then I got shot by some bullets.

33. It’s cold inside, you’ll have to wear a cape.

34. I feel I’ve made much more intriguing work than what I did Freshman year.

35. Really? This is when the quest began?  And I haven’t picked it back up until… a few weeks ago?  I am NOT doing a good job questing.

36. Vvinni: You’re trying to hard. Stop it.

37. Exploding Goldfish Films. Check them out, why don’t you?

38. OH MY GOD, IT’S A BEAR!!!!

39. See. This is a documentary about Carpet!

40. Help! It took six months to make this!

41. I kill you both.

42. Andrew did this, I have nothing to say about it.

43. Eggs: A common motif of mine.

44. The world would melt were it made of cheese.

45. OH DEAR GOD IT’S ANOTHER BEAR!

46. One of the best of 1991?

47. I got the problem fixed, but now I can’t see my tongue.

48. That’s definitely a Bear.

49. Chickens, Money omelets, and axe-wielding.

50. Gum: It’s really a disappointment nowadays.

51. No, Bicycles!

52. Goodbye.

53. Ethan Holbrook: He Travels through time and Astronauts.

54. If you want to know more about Discouraging Words, then you should be reading the EXGfilms blog. I’m too busy posting movie reviews that are too long and Filler.

55. The cat represents life because we are all being held by the arms of fate that are attached to the torso of our decisions and that torso is the torso of another cat which, oddly enough, represents the plight of minimum wage worker at Wendy’s.  So, in conclusion: A Cat is a hamburger.

56. J’ai besoin d’étudier à un examen français.

57. Sharks.

58. Sharks.

59. Sharks.

60. Sharks.

61. Sharks.

62. Sharks and Film.

63. Sharks.

64. Skin Removal Cream, Skin Removal Cream, Skin Removal Cream. SKIN REMOVAL CREAM! Skin. Removal. Cream. Skin Removal Cream? Skin Removal Cream! Skin Removal cream skin removal cram, skin, removal cream. Skin Removal Cream. Skin Removal Cream. SKIN. REMOVAL. CREAM. Skin, Removal, Cream, Skin, Removal, Cream. Skin Removal Cream; Skin Removal Cream. Skin Removal Cream: If it weren’t a product, it would BUY YOU! SKIN REMOVAL CREAM?!!!!

65. It is five o’ clock, and so Tea Time is over.

66. A Surprisingly coherent corpse, unlike a certain other one coming up.

67. One of the best of Moon-related sci-fis of 2009?

68. THERE ARE TOO MANY BEARS ON THIS BLOG.

69. ❦

70. Something (A Post).

71. Discouraging Words: Coming Summer of 2010.

72. Nom nom nom nomnom nom nom nom. Nom nom nom nom nomnom nom. Nom nom nom nom nomnom nom. Nom nom nom nom nomnom nom. Nom-nom, nom-nom, nom-nom, nom-nom. Nom-nom, nom-nom, nom-nom, nom-nom. NOM NOM NOM NOMNOM NOM NOM NOM. NOM NOM NOMNOM NOM NOM NOM. NOM NOM NOM NOMNOM NOM NOM NOM. NOM-NOM NOM-NOM NOM-NOM NOM-NOM NOM.

73. I don’t even care what the next post was, THERE WERE HAMSTERS IN THE LAST ONE.

74. Let’s see… Was there a tiger in this one? No, just time travel.

75.  Nathan Fillion: A Man of many talents. Like being both an astronaut and cowboy. Also, being pure evil’s right-hand man and an award-winning novelist.  Truly he accomplished more in a lifetime than any man can.

76. Nick Vogt: A Man whose cat might be a monster.

77. Trail of Terror?

78. I can’t stop this feeling. Deep inside of me. Girl you just don’t realize what you do to me. When you hold me, in your arms so tight, you let me know everything’s alright. I-I-I’m hooked on a feeling. And I’m high on believing that you’re in love with me.  Lips as sweet as candy, your taste is on my mind. Girl, you got me thirstin’ for another cup of wine. Got a bug from you, girl, but I don’t need no cure. I just take your picture (?) If I can be sure. All the good times, when we’re all alone, keep up girl. Yeah, you turn me on. I-I-I’m hooked on a feeling and I’m high on believing that you’re in love with me, oh yeah. All the good times, when we’re all alone. Keep it up girl, yeah you turn me on I-I-I’m Hooked on a feeling and I’m high on believing that you’re in love with me. I said I’m hooked on a feeling. And I’m high on believing that you’re in love me. Yeah, I’m hooked on a feeling!

79. A whole new web is about to be spun, methinks.

80. Does this mean I might be the next Batman?

81. 100 Untitled pieces, most them involve things breaking.

82. Nathan Fillion: He also battle killer slugs from outer-space. Truly, he is a god.

83. Heart attacks.

• 84. OH NO, IT’S ANOTHER BEAR!!! THIS MAKES FOUR! FOUR BEARS!!!
• 85. Beat yourself with a 2×4.
• 86. OooOooOooOOOO Castles. SpoOOOoOoooOOky.
• 87. But doesn’t that explain us all?
• 88. I’m thinking of being Everything next year for Halloween.
• 89. Towed away at owner’s expense.
• 90. Vvinni: I’m thinking of a wall now to block their thought beams.
• 91. I am Rea-Gan! I am-Rea-Gan!
• 92. Don’t even think about coming to rescue me because I’m probably dead.

93. I just made another letter which I baked in the oven with a honey glaze. It was for Christmas.

94. Sword of Doom: One of the best?

95. Why did you kill this Lawn Ornament?

96. Wagga wagga wagga.

97. You’re tearing me apart, Mummy and Robot.

98. Ronald Q. Metellus: Man of Mystery and probably Sandwiches.

99. Joss Whedon: I wish you luck in your ventures outside of the television box, for I shall be on your side when all comes crashing down.

100. I- Oh no. I… I’m going to have to start this post inside of this post now… uh Okay. Here goes: WTIVVVVIMVJVTYVIZVSIHMIPHVWYIIITIIRVEOSHIAETOOITCGNGEITJSSSSSSSSIAOT❦DNILNNTIAD1NHOBOBITVIDISWWYRJ. I-On. I…Igthtstpiotpn… uO. Hg:

WIVVMJTVZIMPVYITIVOHATOTGGIJSSSSZTDINTA1HBBTIIWYJ. I-o. I… I… u. H:

IMP TIVO HAT DIDN’T HAVE. I. I… H:

Adapt vivid, thine moth. I. H:

AVTMIH:

01000001010101100101010001001101010010010100100000111010

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.    .   .   .   .

⠂⠄⠠⠤

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…

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∅

Ronald U. Metellus? NO.

Ron first came to the internet as the Emperor of Ice Cream, however sadly Ice Cream Land was thrown into chaos when a military coup, calling themselves the Waffle Alliance, overthrew the Emperor in order to restore the old “Republic of Frozen Yoghurt”.  But, if you wish to reminisce about the glory days of the empire and read/look at several ice cream related things, go ahead.  You MIGHT recognize a name of someone who has two ice cream related posts.  Because that person MIGHT have his own rarely-read blog.

Ron has escaped the ice cream land, and has taken over a small south pacific domain nation that he has renamed “The Blog of Ronald Metellus”. He is joined by the Chief of Fire Safety Nick Vogt (I’m also pretty sure he’s the head of Metellus Islands’ military [read: shaolin warriors]) and master of Mysticism Rex Horner (who is also probably also in charge of Propaganda).  Together these three, this triptych, form a blog that reaches through television, football, popular culture, esoteric Santa Fe-related references, and the Ghost Zone of the forgotten 90′s.

The Isle of Metellus, even though it was started in September, already has a sizable number of Citizen-Posts nearly living up to Mr. Ronald G. Metellus’ claim that on the “Ronblog”, as it is known, you can learn something new everyday.

Just in case you can’t read through my mixed metaphors and grammatical errors, I will share with you now some of the things I’ve learned on the “Ronblog” or on the “Isle of Metellus” or on the “The Blog of Ronald Metellus” or on the “Not The Emperor of Ice Cream Because THOSE BASTARDS TRIED TO KILL ME Blog”:

JCVD: One of the years best?

X-Files: A Ghost. A Ghost… of christmas?

Spacemen: They’re music now?

Evan Bustria: Filmmaker, or creepy guy?

Suspira: SpooOOooky?

Dollhouse: Another Cancelled Masterpiece?

Ronald Q. Metellus: Does he really like colons?

In a similar train of thought: Does he have Colon cancer?

These are questions that can be answered in the land of Ronald Metellus. It is a magical land, and perhaps you should visit it.  They have a pretty great tourism bureau. It’s run by a flamingo. A Flamingo that’s also… A RUSSIAN SPY?! Yes. And if you don’t visit it, that flamingo will fight you. And that flamingo is ME. Except I don’t run the tourism bureau. And… and I’m not a Russian Spy.  But I can still poison you with Uranium.

The blog went down due to a Spam/RSS feed error of the bandwidth the site is located on.  But it’s fixed now, and soon there’ll be scripts and videos and worms. Hooray.

And he also co-directed and wrote another movie, which I cannot post but I can give you the website.

16 Heads and Counting

He’s also an award-winning screenwriter, an amateur stand-up comedian, and a man who writes strange stories about squirrels. He updates the blog in waves, and currently he hasn’t for a while. However, I feel a change coming, and something new and exciting shall come.

So, Ethan’s a neat guy. A neat guy with low self esteem. And if you don’t think he’s neat?

Well then I’ll see you at dawn with pistols.

Goodbye, Box

Once again, I rather like it. I suppose it could use another pass through to tighten some things up, but the paranoia of Constable Fortnite interrogating the ever-silent Box is nice. Or so say I, what say ye?

Also, on a blog-related note, I’ve got some real stuff coming up. I’m sure none of you mind, but I feel as though I’m putting off posting any real content. I’m sorry, but I’ll have a new Without the T’s soon, and it’s looking like I’ll have some time for editing together some fun things.

I’m going to take your silence as a “Yes”.

So, this one is about Andrew Gingerich, head of Exploding Goldfish Films.  What does Exploding Goldfish Films do? Well a little bit of this:

And some of this:

And let’s not forget this:

Aside from making movies and talking about making movies, on the EXG films blog you can also find some other movie reviews, some discussions on filmmaking in general, and some nice little quips about life as a film student/independent filmmaker. And, unlike me, a good deal of what he has to say is very intelligent and precise, and he actually HAS something to say, unlike me.  So check him out why don’t you? Because if you don’t, I will fight you. With a sword. On fire. The sword, not me. Will be on fire. And I can start sentence with whatever word I want to. Earthworm bakes the pie.

I have recieved your countless letters to me in the form of SPAM, and I have realized that we have both said some thing we regret.

Thus, I am willing to once again come under your employ for a lowered salary, as long I as get a casual Friday.

Also, I missed the taste of pool water.

Love,

Vvinni J. Gagnepain

I have worked for you for about four months now, and I am disappointed.  I wake up in the mornings dreading going to work, my coworkers don’t seem to acknowledge my existence, and the water in the water cooler tastes like it came from a pool.

I know of your long-term employee benefits, but I do not wish to wait that long and  I have another offer which I wish to explore.  So, thank you for your time and patience however I feel I must resign.

Within a month or so, perhaps I will come back and beg for my old job. Perhaps I will not.  This is the way it has to be, I fear.

Sincerely,

Vvinni J. Gagnepain

I know I’m not the most exciting person, and I know my ideas are a bunch of tired non-sequiturs.  I know there are billions of blogs out there with billions of vodcasts and billions of movie reviews, and those are really the only things I have to offer.

So, in short, I feel this blog is obsolete and useless. If you’d like this to continue existing, please let me know below, otherwise I will gracefully step down from the internet.

Thank you, and good night.