The Impossible Adventures of Poohby

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This first one is a project Andrew Gingerich and I shot last summer when we were trying to decide on a movie to watch, and instead decided to make this.  Remember Skin Removal Cream? Well that was for this same project. Enjoy!

Next is a commercial for Drunk Button, the button that makes you instantaneously drunk!  This is apparently for a multi-media play that’ll be showing in Santa Fe in the near future.

And finally… RRRR? That’s on the internet? Well okay, I guess this’ll work I guess. RRRR is from my Sophomore year of High School. It’s about Scrabble and the end of the world and… oranges maybe?

So there.  And, no, I’m not a one-dimensional actor.  Why would say that?  I’M THE GREATEST IN ALL THE WORLD!

I’ve already gone into a lengthy look into whether or not Troll 2 is truly “The Worst Movie Ever”, however there are a few observations I’d like to make after seeing Best Worst Movie:

George Hardy: Also known as Farmer Waits, George now spends his time in his home state of Alabama practicing dentistry.  Of course, he never stopped practicing dentistry.  Even when filming Troll 2 he was practicing dentistry during the week.  But I digress. What really struck about seeing the real George Hardy, is that he really is a dentist.  What I mean by this is, when you’re getting your teeth cleaned your dentist makes small talk with you, generally about whatever field your involved with (for me and many filmmaking friends, they’re talking about what they liked about various movies they’ve seen, or ideas for a script they had, etc.).  However, what is truly fascinating is that they always remain a dentist.  They cannot, no matter how much they want to, escape from their toothy world no matter how neat and nice of people they may be.  And that perfectly describes George Hardy: A Dentist.

Want some... Joshua fffffffffffffffffffff

Claudio Fragasso: The director of such Italian classics as Evil Dead 5, Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3, Zombie 4: After Death, and Troll 2.  Fragasso continues working in the Italian Film industry, with his latest film coming out October 9th of this year titled Le Ultime 56 Ore.  In my previous post comparing Troll 2 and The Room, I conceded that Troll 2 was the worse film because it was the more despicably shot film.  I still feel this way after seeing a bit of Fragasso in life: The man is despicable.  Firstly, he calls his actors dogs.  As if actors cannot present any useful ideas themselves, but rather must blindly follow the director in his whims. Also, during the filming of Troll 2, Fragasso told all of the American actors that he knew English better than them.  He also told Connie Young (Who played Holly Waits) that he knew more about being an American preteen girl than she did, Connie at the time being an American Preteen Girl.  Fragasso also has this type of God complex about Troll 2, he assumes that when people tell him that Troll 2 is great that they actually mean it’s on par with such cinematic classics as Casablanca, Chinatown, or Fargo (This is clearly not the case.  If you think it is the case, I kindly show you the exit door to my website domain).

Grandpa Seth: His real name is Robert Ormsby, and he’s surprisingly depressing.  There’s an extended sequence in Best Worst Movie where Ormsby is talking about his life has been really unfulfilling and bleak, and it is incredibly sad. I’m sorry, Mr. Ormsby.  Please don’t be sad.

What I found very interesting about Best Worst Movie is that everyone involved with Troll 2 (Except the crew, many of whom still cannot speak English.  Most of whom cannot speak English very well) tried everything they could to run away from it.  However, much like the cursed blood of Duncan, they cannot clear the stigma of Troll 2.  And thus, how do they continue as human beings?  This problem is also seen with the cast of Star Trek, Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher, and perhaps even Johnny Depp.  Certain performances or characters become so iconic, that no matter how hard they try to escape, their tombstones will read “Troll 2″ “Luke Skywalker” “Mr. Spock” and “That Wacky Guy from Tim Burton’s Films”.  What seems inevitable, is that everyone must come back to their iconic performances and embrace it as part of who they are.

In closing: Deborah Reed (Credence Leonore Gielgud, or The Goblin Witch, or That Girl You Want To Kill Every Time She Shows Up On Screen) still remains a mystery.  And that is a problem for me.

Here are what I remember of the previous one hundred posts:

1. We’re still not eating pie.

2. The relationship between Gary Coleman and Gary Oldman is still… being researched.

3. I’m still looking, Mr. Icke. I’m still looking.

4. Vvinni: Episode 1 was just too long.

5. Vvinni: Episode 2 was even longer.

6. Vvinni: Really? Posting three all at once?  You could have saved some.

7. Vvinni: Now you’re just running out of ideas.

8. IMdB is much more Puppy now. And thank God for that.

9. Mr Coyne: You are still groovy as Hell. Never forget that, will you?

10. Vvinni: Nobody watches these, you know.

11. JCVD: One of the year’s best?  Certainly one of Van Damme’s Best.

12. Vvinni: I like your hat.

13. The birds still want to eat the noodles, but they never will.

14. You know, Mr. Gaiman?  I think I’m seeing a common motif in your work.

15. Vvinni: YOU’RE MIXING PLASTICS WITH GLASS.

16. It’s almost time for my Yupd!

17. ZARDOZ. ZARDOZ. ZARDOZ. Beyond 2001, Beyond 2010, Beyond Love, Beyond Death.

18. Vvinni: We’re going back to the graveyard.

19. Shopping Penguin? Shopping Penguin.

20. I gave it  the “Lizards” tag because the Dream-Eating monster is only able to use the reptilian part of his brain. I AM WITTY.

21. He-Yah! We gotta save the farm, rope those… cows…

22. My other documentary was about carpet.

23. It’s changed in ways you can never imagine.

24. PEA SOUP?!

25. Hello.

26. Vvinni: It makes me feel kind of bad I haven’t been having as many adventures this semester.

27. Worship me as a God.

28. YOU’RE TERING ME APART, LISA!

29. It’s still dripping blood all over my floor.

30. I left off here.

31. I picked it back up here.

32. Then I got shot by some bullets.

33. It’s cold inside, you’ll have to wear a cape.

34. I feel I’ve made much more intriguing work than what I did Freshman year.

35. Really? This is when the quest began?  And I haven’t picked it back up until… a few weeks ago?  I am NOT doing a good job questing.

36. Vvinni: You’re trying to hard. Stop it.

37. Exploding Goldfish Films. Check them out, why don’t you?

38. OH MY GOD, IT’S A BEAR!!!!

39. See. This is a documentary about Carpet!

40. Help! It took six months to make this!

41. I kill you both.

42. Andrew did this, I have nothing to say about it.

43. Eggs: A common motif of mine.

44. The world would melt were it made of cheese.

45. OH DEAR GOD IT’S ANOTHER BEAR!

46. One of the best of 1991?

47. I got the problem fixed, but now I can’t see my tongue.

48. That’s definitely a Bear.

49. Chickens, Money omelets, and axe-wielding.

50. Gum: It’s really a disappointment nowadays.

51. No, Bicycles!

52. Goodbye.

53. Ethan Holbrook: He Travels through time and Astronauts.

54. If you want to know more about Discouraging Words, then you should be reading the EXGfilms blog. I’m too busy posting movie reviews that are too long and Filler.

55. The cat represents life because we are all being held by the arms of fate that are attached to the torso of our decisions and that torso is the torso of another cat which, oddly enough, represents the plight of minimum wage worker at Wendy’s.  So, in conclusion: A Cat is a hamburger.

56. J’ai besoin d’étudier à un examen français.

57. Sharks.

58. Sharks.

59. Sharks.

60. Sharks.

61. Sharks.

62. Sharks and Film.

63. Sharks.

64. Skin Removal Cream, Skin Removal Cream, Skin Removal Cream. SKIN REMOVAL CREAM! Skin. Removal. Cream. Skin Removal Cream? Skin Removal Cream! Skin Removal cream skin removal cram, skin, removal cream. Skin Removal Cream. Skin Removal Cream. SKIN. REMOVAL. CREAM. Skin, Removal, Cream, Skin, Removal, Cream. Skin Removal Cream; Skin Removal Cream. Skin Removal Cream: If it weren’t a product, it would BUY YOU! SKIN REMOVAL CREAM?!!!!

65. It is five o’ clock, and so Tea Time is over.

66. A Surprisingly coherent corpse, unlike a certain other one coming up.

67. One of the best of Moon-related sci-fis of 2009?

68. THERE ARE TOO MANY BEARS ON THIS BLOG.

69. ❦

70. Something (A Post).

71. Discouraging Words: Coming Summer of 2010.

72. Nom nom nom nomnom nom nom nom. Nom nom nom nom nomnom nom. Nom nom nom nom nomnom nom. Nom nom nom nom nomnom nom. Nom-nom, nom-nom, nom-nom, nom-nom. Nom-nom, nom-nom, nom-nom, nom-nom. NOM NOM NOM NOMNOM NOM NOM NOM. NOM NOM NOMNOM NOM NOM NOM. NOM NOM NOM NOMNOM NOM NOM NOM. NOM-NOM NOM-NOM NOM-NOM NOM-NOM NOM.

73. I don’t even care what the next post was, THERE WERE HAMSTERS IN THE LAST ONE.

74. Let’s see… Was there a tiger in this one? No, just time travel.

75.  Nathan Fillion: A Man of many talents. Like being both an astronaut and cowboy. Also, being pure evil’s right-hand man and an award-winning novelist.  Truly he accomplished more in a lifetime than any man can.

76. Nick Vogt: A Man whose cat might be a monster.

77. Trail of Terror?

78. I can’t stop this feeling. Deep inside of me. Girl you just don’t realize what you do to me. When you hold me, in your arms so tight, you let me know everything’s alright. I-I-I’m hooked on a feeling. And I’m high on believing that you’re in love with me.  Lips as sweet as candy, your taste is on my mind. Girl, you got me thirstin’ for another cup of wine. Got a bug from you, girl, but I don’t need no cure. I just take your picture (?) If I can be sure. All the good times, when we’re all alone, keep up girl. Yeah, you turn me on. I-I-I’m hooked on a feeling and I’m high on believing that you’re in love with me, oh yeah. All the good times, when we’re all alone. Keep it up girl, yeah you turn me on I-I-I’m Hooked on a feeling and I’m high on believing that you’re in love with me. I said I’m hooked on a feeling. And I’m high on believing that you’re in love me. Yeah, I’m hooked on a feeling!

79. A whole new web is about to be spun, methinks.

80. Does this mean I might be the next Batman?

81. 100 Untitled pieces, most them involve things breaking.

82. Nathan Fillion: He also battle killer slugs from outer-space. Truly, he is a god.

83. Heart attacks.

• 84. OH NO, IT’S ANOTHER BEAR!!! THIS MAKES FOUR! FOUR BEARS!!!
• 85. Beat yourself with a 2×4.
• 86. OooOooOooOOOO Castles. SpoOOOoOoooOOky.
• 87. But doesn’t that explain us all?
• 88. I’m thinking of being Everything next year for Halloween.
• 89. Towed away at owner’s expense.
• 90. Vvinni: I’m thinking of a wall now to block their thought beams.
• 91. I am Rea-Gan! I am-Rea-Gan!
• 92. Don’t even think about coming to rescue me because I’m probably dead.

93. I just made another letter which I baked in the oven with a honey glaze. It was for Christmas.

94. Sword of Doom: One of the best?

95. Why did you kill this Lawn Ornament?

96. Wagga wagga wagga.

97. You’re tearing me apart, Mummy and Robot.

98. Ronald Q. Metellus: Man of Mystery and probably Sandwiches.

99. Joss Whedon: I wish you luck in your ventures outside of the television box, for I shall be on your side when all comes crashing down.

100. I- Oh no. I… I’m going to have to start this post inside of this post now… uh Okay. Here goes: WTIVVVVIMVJVTYVIZVSIHMIPHVWYIIITIIRVEOSHIAETOOITCGNGEITJSSSSSSSSIAOT❦DNILNNTIAD1NHOBOBITVIDISWWYRJ. I-On. I…Igthtstpiotpn… uO. Hg:

WIVVMJTVZIMPVYITIVOHATOTGGIJSSSSZTDINTA1HBBTIIWYJ. I-o. I… I… u. H:

IMP TIVO HAT DIDN’T HAVE. I. I… H:

Adapt vivid, thine moth. I. H:

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If you wish to see a higher resolution file, please contact me. I couldn’t figure out how to do an HD upload on Vimeo.

Do not kill the Bear, it only wants to LOVE.

They kill what they don’t understand.

Exerminae all raionl hough

I have seen Videodrome and was wowed by it, I have seen Crash and was… confused and frightened by it, and I’ve also seen his two most recent films: A History of Violence and Eastern Promises (which presents a drastic shift in his filmmaking style). Anyhoo, I had those to base my expectations on. Those films, and this description:       

 Naked Lunch, William S. Burroughs’s hallucinatory, “unfilmable” novel is finally realized onscreen by director David Cronenberg. Part-ime exerminator and full-time drug addict Bill Lee (Peter Weller) plunges into the nightmarish netherworld of the Interzone, pursuing a mysterious project hat leads him to confront sinister cabals and giant talking bugs. The fruit of an unholy union between two masters of the hilarious and the macabre, Naked Lunch mingles aspects of Burroughs’s novel with incidents from his own life, resulting in a compendium of paranoid fantasies and a searching invesigation into the mysteries of the writing process. 

I knew I was in for something strange. I was not disappointed. Oh my, was I not disappointed.

Why did I enjoy this film?  I’ll sart by saying hat it’s intriguing.  The world of the film is completely ridiculous, and yet Cronenberg’s writing draws you in and keeps you capivated, and soon you accept all of the oddities and insects.  However, the writing of this film couldn’t have been realized properly if it weren’t for the actors. Peter Weller speaks in a fanastically flat stream-of-consciousness with a stone face to match.  Add Ian Holm (always a pleasure) to the mix with Roy Scheider and Judy Davis giving two different performances of the same person: And you’ve got a really nice cast.

However my enjoying of this film goes beyond this and into (yes you guessed it) the mise-en-scene with the coloration and special effects.  We’ll begin with color. It was fantasic, the first portion of the film is in incredible pastels and the second half in richly antique burgundies and browns, each enhancing the mood and style of the location.  And the special effects? The fact hat there’s both a human-sized fish-insect-phallus creature and several cockroach-ypewriter hybrids should speak for itself. However, what’s even beter is hat all of these otherworldly creatures are living, walking, breathing, moving, excreting entiies. And hat is cool. Furthermore, all of the special effects are real and not computer-generaed bullshit.  If Cronenberg pulled a George Lucas and digitized the whole film, then I think Naked Lunch would lose a lot of it’s charm and become a much worse film. Why? Because the fact hat they’re created adds to their insect-ness, it adds to the surrealism, and it adds to the overall ambience. 

So, why then is it that many people hate this film? Drugs playing an integral part, sex playing an integral part, homosexuality playing an integral part, general nonsensicality; take your pick.  Also, I have never read the Burroughs novel, and so I cannot ates to the adapation staying true to the writen word.  However, to those who dislike this film: I say fie! I give it:

A raher good film

“Vvinni”, you say, “You like this movie because it’s weird and surreal”.  No, person I made up, I don’t.  I like this movie because it’s well made, it had a fascinating narrative sructure, and it provides fantasic visuals hat are disturbing but lively. Good job, Mr. Cronenberg. I applaud you: clap clap clap.

       It comes from my “Script-a-day” plan, where every day for the year of 2008 I wrote 1 script (sometimes more!).  This one is a story about a person who becomes cheese after a freak lab accident involving cow hormones. It’s a nice story, and No I’m not planning on incorporating it into anything. I can write stand alone prose pieces, can’t I?

Marty Cheese

I rather like it, but what say you facebook/blog/RSS feed reader?

As such when the film premiered at the Colorado Thespian Festival winter 2006, there were random frames of color, the footage froze at random intervals, and everything was basically shit.

So, last year I took the original cut into Final Cut and created this digitally re-mastered director’s cut.  You can see the same thing inside of Vvinni’s Adventures Through Art School Episoud 2, but why would you go through that whole ordeal for five minutes? You wouldn’t. So here it is.

There are still plenty of errors, but hey, it’s fine for a film from my transitional period from Basement films to Amateur films. What about you, anonymous reader? What be your thoughts?