Bella stared deeply into the deep pools of Edward’s eyes.  His eyes were like mirrors, that reflected the angelic version of all that they looked upon. Bella stared at Edward, her heart palpitating.

“I love you” said Bella

“I know, but you don’t want to be with me. For I am a vampire” Is what Bella thought Edward would say, but she was too busy staring as his lips; they were the color of fresh poppies. Bella loved poppies. They were smooth and much like the glorious face of mighty Adonis, also very much like Edward.  Edward appeared a god amongst the insects that lived on Earth, he was a beam of light, specifically when he was in sunlight and his skin shone a magnificent gold.  Bella also loved gold, for it reminded her of the golden embrace of Edward the Handsome.

Bella continued staring at Edward as his eyes darted back and forth, surveying the area and making sure no one could see them. He let out a growl. Bella turned around, and saw Jacob approaching, not in wolf form.

“Jacob, you have found me in Edward’s loving embrace”, said Bella, feeling sad for taking her eyes off of Edward magnificent form to gaze upon her werewolf friend.

“Yes, Bella, I have come here for I am concerned over how much you love Edward, and his hot muscular body” replied Jacob, not in wolf form.

“I should be the one concerned, wolfman” said Edward, his voice sounding a mighty boom accross the valley, shaking trees and making even the mightiest of elk cease and stare at the beast who uttered this mighty bellow. Truly, Edward was a man… or rather a VAMPIRE. Bella admired Edward, and gazed at his pulsating chest, which looked so lively and handsome despite not having a heart.

“Pah, I find that laughable hahahahaha!” Said Jacob.

“Jacob, please stop. You are drunk again. You don’t mean what you are saying” Pleaded Bella, whilst staring at Jacob.

“Drunk? I am only drunk in my caring for you, Bella. This beast will eat you, and not in a sexual way. Please, come back with me, your friend who is also a werewolf” said Jacob, still not in Wolf form but getting dangerously close.

“No, Jacob, you don’t understand. I love Edward. I love him, and I wish for him to non-sexually eat me because then I could stare at him FOREVER” Cried Bella, tears forming in her staring eyes.

Edward breathed heavily. He was MAGNIFICENT, although eh ahd put on some weight recently.  But this was okay, because it only accentuated the firm figure of Edward’s mighty figure. So quare, and yet so gentle.

“Graaaagaghgaarrrrraaaaa!” Yelled jacob, as he transformed. Transformed… into a wolf.

“No Jacob! No! Do Not wolf, otherwise we will fight with knives!”

“Aoooooooooo!” Howled Jacob at the moon. He was a wolf now.

Edward hissed a wonderful hiss at Jacob. Bella stared into the distance, wondering if she should go to college or continue staring at Edward professionally. Jacob pounced, and Edward prepared himself to fight, lowering his hands and making a sound like Zeus would make if he were eating alone in a cafeteria: Mysteriously handsome.

Then a bright light shone in the sky, and George the UFO from the future [ive made this part becuz i think it adds alot of symoblism] landed. He exited his spacecraft and pointed his laser gun at Jacob and Edward.

“Stop fighting, you too! Or else I will kill!” Shouted George.

Jacob transformed back into human form. Edward quit gasping, and once again stood around and looked AMAZING. His face was chilsed from the finest of marbles, his jawline perfectly square but not in an ugly way.  There was nothing ugly about Edward. The very presence of such a magnificent creature confirmed Bella’s undying belief in God.

George put away his space ray gun. He looked at Bella. “Bella, will go to the prom WITH ME?!”

Edward and Jacob both turned to face the alien. What was he doing? His customs were strange, almost alien, to them the children of the Earth.

Bella did not answer George. She was busy staring at the ground: it was wet and green, not like the ground of Arizona where she was from at first.  But she could learn to love this ground, if it meant spending eternity with Edward and his wonderfully triangular nose and his well-defined cheekbones.

and thats where im stopping 4 now but let me kno what u think k? luv you.

“Around them, down through ravines, and then along their edges, up the stony, earthy  sides of the gorges, until at length they halted as they believed in the very heart  of this wild looking place. “Here we are!” said Howard. “I don’t see how we can advance much further without going out to the other side.” “It’s the qua’rest sight I iver looked upon,” said Tim, turning round and round, meaning the wild scenery. ”But there is nothing learned of Elwood.” “Niver a sign do I saa of the youngster,” rejoined Tim. “I graive to think we cannot be near him.” “We have gone on the wrong track.” “I’m a feared so.” ”Too bad, too bad,” wailed Howard, “what is to come of the poor fellow?” “But we can’t till,” hastily added Tim, “do yees put your fingers in your mouth and give that jolly little whistle.” Howard Lawrence was in the very act of doing so when his arm was suddenly arrested by his companion, who, with an exclamation of surprise pointed to a ledge of rocks above them. CHAPTER XL. THE END OF THE SEARCH.  About a hundred and fifty feet above them, almost perpendicularly upward, stood an antelope, its small neck outstretched, and its dark, beautiful eyes fixed upon them with a wondering expression. It was on the very edge of a projecting rock where one step more would ….”

Would what? Perhaps I shall never know, and this is sad. Also in the e-mail was this wavy ad for experimental medications:

CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK

uh

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Also known as a type of Golden Tetra.

The X-ray fish is found in the South American Coastal Rivers where the freshwater from the river meets the salted water of the ocean.  This is known as an “estuary”, and is also the type of habitat that brackish aquariums tend to try and emulate.

The X-Ray fish has a yellowish tint to it and a prominent dorsal fin.  They may grow as large as 22 cm, however their average size is around 5 cm.  Male X-ray fish are smaller and thinner than female X-Ray fish, however this is the only prominent difference.  When in an aquarium, it is important to keep X-ray fish away from predators and in a large group of six other fish.

Brushie Brushie Brushie

Brushie.

The Letter Side.

She oftentimes asks for other mail artists to send her a letter, and she recently asked me. I wasn’t exactly sure what to send her, for as opposed to In Fridge, It wasn’t so much an ongoing correspondence, but rather a response to mailing theme (in my case, Autumn).  So I began with the first word: Mail. Mail is a communication, so I wrote a letter to my Aunt on five separate notecards. However, much like there is little point in sending a package that is supposed to be opened, there is little point in sending a letter that is meant to be read. So I cut up the five notecards, and stitched them together into one.

The Picture Side.

I then expanded on another ongoing motif in my body of work: I decided that I would take that notecard, and sauté it with olive juice. After that I let it dry off for a couple of days to get rid of excess grease (don’t worry, it still smelled like olives).

I then cut out some images from magazines and drew little pictures on it, all corresponding to what I think of when I think of autumn: October, Halloween, and Wonder.  Then I sealed it in an envelope, and wrote a series of messages on it (mostly apologies that the letter was coming so late and after the mailing deadline).

Hello Postman!

I must say I’ve been enjoying sending strange letters and packages to people.  So, if you’d like a letter or what-not, just let me know your address.

Until next time.

Nevertheless, it’s a neat photo-blog of horrible monstrosities some call food.  It has brought some such things as the Hot Pocket Sandwhich, Velveeta Fudge, Deep Fried Bacon Encrusted Pork Rinds, and of course the Taco Burger.  If you like terrible food like I know I do, then you should check it out.  If you don’t, I can’t fight you over it, but I can SPITE you.  I can spite you with a knife of silence and the poison of shame.

Recently a new item was posted on This is Why You’re Fat, an item that needs the harsh green light of the internet shining on it.  Some call it “El Niño”, Some a product of human ingenuity, some mankind’s downfall.  I’ll let you be the judge.

We Did It.

Just in case you can’t tell, That’s ground beet, onions, sour cream, lettuce, tomatoes, and cheddar cheese wrapped up inside of a pepperoni pizza.  It weighs three pounds.  It costs one life.