I like you as an art director and a production designer, and I think you’ve got some fantastic style and instincts.

This being said, I do not think you are not a good director.  I believe that you’re rather limited by the work you choose to do and the artists you choose to surround yourself with.  You are also not a writer.  None of your written work has much of a conflict and as such it doesn’t have a character arch.  This would be all well and good if this were the point, but if you meant it to be you also didn’t write that well as your films TRY to have conflict but fail.  For examples, I point to Be Kind, Rewind and your short film La Lettre.

I’d say your most successful film so far has been Eternal Sunshine on a Spotless Mind, and I think this is because you were working with a script by Master screenwriter Charlie Kaufman. So, you’re capable of making good work you just need to attach yourself to a very good script. So how will The Green Hornet turn out?  I don’t know. I just don’t know.

I want to like you, Mr. Gondry, but I’m just not sure I can.

Vvinni J. Gagnepain

I am posting from the Denver International Airport.  I am sorry to say that I have not seen any escaped children refugees, but I think the TSA guy might have eaten a fly.  But I’m still looking, Mr. Icke, I’ll always be looking.

Sincerely,

Vvinni J. Gagnepain

Thank you for existing.

I was trying to come up with some words that would express my feelings for your body of work, and I feel the above about sums it up.

And... is that a houndstooth tie? NO!

In a recent interview I had with one Andrew Gingerich about future filmmaking projects for the Making of documentary Stories From Sturgeon, Mr. Gingerich expressed dismay that there no one in television worked in the fusion of genres.  Well, Mr. Whedon, I believe we could both disagree with Mr. Gingerich’s remark as I feel one of your many strengths as a filmmaker is in the seamless fusion of two disparate genres.

In one of your most well known works, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, for example you were able to explain life using demons and vampires and ghosts. And that is neat.  In your cult television show Firefly you were able to integrate the Western and Sci-Fi genres incredibly well, incorporating common elements of civil war, isolation, expansionism, and the idea of “A Man and his Horse”.  This is also very neat.

However, simple genre integration, although super cool, would fail if it were written poorly.  Lucky for both of us that you’re not.  Yes, I heard some of your commentary on Buffy, and I was very glad to hear that you are indeed a smart filmmaker.  You’re also a very smart writer, as the characterization in all of the works of yours that I’ve seen is incredibly strong. It is because of these characters and these people that we are able to believe in your integrated worlds, and in a television dominated with shit like Heroes, it’s nice to watch a show that defines characters beyond “I JUST WANT TO FIT IN!” and “I’m bumbling and I’m a foreigner”.

So thank you Mr. Whedon. Thank you very much.

Sincerely,

Vvinni J. Gagnepain

PS: I suppose this post isn’t very useful, now is it?

The Letter Side.

She oftentimes asks for other mail artists to send her a letter, and she recently asked me. I wasn’t exactly sure what to send her, for as opposed to In Fridge, It wasn’t so much an ongoing correspondence, but rather a response to mailing theme (in my case, Autumn).  So I began with the first word: Mail. Mail is a communication, so I wrote a letter to my Aunt on five separate notecards. However, much like there is little point in sending a package that is supposed to be opened, there is little point in sending a letter that is meant to be read. So I cut up the five notecards, and stitched them together into one.

The Picture Side.

I then expanded on another ongoing motif in my body of work: I decided that I would take that notecard, and sauté it with olive juice. After that I let it dry off for a couple of days to get rid of excess grease (don’t worry, it still smelled like olives).

I then cut out some images from magazines and drew little pictures on it, all corresponding to what I think of when I think of autumn: October, Halloween, and Wonder.  Then I sealed it in an envelope, and wrote a series of messages on it (mostly apologies that the letter was coming so late and after the mailing deadline).

Hello Postman!

I must say I’ve been enjoying sending strange letters and packages to people.  So, if you’d like a letter or what-not, just let me know your address.

Until next time.

I am a rather avid gum chewer, for if I did not I would eat my pens. It is a problem. I have a lot of those. But this is not about me, this about you. This is about gum.

The classical flavors of your gum (I refer specifically to 5 and Orbit) are generally good choices. They last long, they have nice flavor, and when one is in the mood for a Classical flavor (Peppermint, Spearmint, Cinnamon, Bubble) then yours are rather nice choices in the world of gum.

Step on Gum

Yet, and this is something I have consistently noted in your products, once we get into more complicated flavors I have noticed a decline in gum quality. I have noted this in Wrigley’s Juicy Fruit, in 5′s Elixir, and in many of the specialty flavors of Orbit: After anywhere between twenty minutes and one hour of chewing these gums become liquid and sour. This disappoints me.

Mr. Perez, I assure you this is not my way of venting anger at having nothing better to post on an insignificant blog. I also ask you to perhaps take a look at the contents to your gum products, for this liquifying after a short time is unacceptable, especially with gum prices climbing to around a dollar. I’d like my packs of gum to last at least a week, and with many of your products this is not possible.

Thank you, Mr. Perez. I trust we won’t have to take this to Mr. Wrigley Jr. I hear his father is a ghost, and a mean one at that.

Sincerely,

Vvinni J. Gagnepain

I have recieved your countless letters to me in the form of SPAM, and I have realized that we have both said some thing we regret.

Thus, I am willing to once again come under your employ for a lowered salary, as long I as get a casual Friday.

Also, I missed the taste of pool water.

Love,

Vvinni J. Gagnepain

I have worked for you for about four months now, and I am disappointed.  I wake up in the mornings dreading going to work, my coworkers don’t seem to acknowledge my existence, and the water in the water cooler tastes like it came from a pool.

I know of your long-term employee benefits, but I do not wish to wait that long and  I have another offer which I wish to explore.  So, thank you for your time and patience however I feel I must resign.

Within a month or so, perhaps I will come back and beg for my old job. Perhaps I will not.  This is the way it has to be, I fear.

Sincerely,

Vvinni J. Gagnepain

As you stare down upon the insects known as the human race from your gigantic castle in Scotland, I’d like you to remember this:

Truly yours was a career to remember, Mr. Connery. I’ll let you get back to building your army of clones now.

Love,

Vvinni J. Gagnepain

First, let me say that I like your style.  I’m not yet too acquainted with your music, and so I can’t speak too much for your aural style.  However, I have taken a look at the cover art to your albums, as well as your film Christmas on Mars both of which I feel have a strong visual style that is quite neat.  Mostly in this letter, though, I will be speaking about Christmas on Mars.

This is a good trailer, but it doesn’t quite capture the mood of Christmas on Mars, which is what impressed me most about the film.  This isn’t because the film was deep and angsty and conferred to my indie mentality.  No, what impressed me about Christmas on Mars is that you were able to take the B grade and make it… good. And that’s Neat, Mr. Coyne. Really Neat.  So what I’d like to ask of you, Mr. Coyne, is to make another movie. Please? It’ll probably be neat.

Also, you have a very nice hat collection. I myself collect hats, and enjoy hats.

So please keep on groovin’, Mr. Coyne. And I’m going to try to purchase some of your albums.

With Love,

Vvinni J. Gagnepain

I didn’t see any escaped child slaves, but maybe I wasn’t looking hard enough.  I’m keeping my eyes open now for any second eyelids closing, I’ll let you know if I see any.  Also, I ate a sandwich.

With love,

Vvinni J. Gagnepain