Ronald X. Metellus: Man, Mystery, Emperor, and (dare I say) Hipster?
Ronald U. Metellus? NO.
Ron first came to the internet as the Emperor of Ice Cream, however sadly Ice Cream Land was thrown into chaos when a military coup, calling themselves the Waffle Alliance, overthrew the Emperor in order to restore the old “Republic of Frozen Yoghurt”. But, if you wish to reminisce about the glory days of the empire and read/look at several ice cream related things, go ahead. You MIGHT recognize a name of someone who has two ice cream related posts. Because that person MIGHT have his own rarely-read blog.
Ronald U. Metellus? NO.
Ron has escaped the ice cream land, and has taken over a small south pacific domain nation that he has renamed “The Blog of Ronald Metellus”. He is joined by the Chief of Fire Safety Nick Vogt (I’m also pretty sure he’s the head of Metellus Islands’ military [read: shaolin warriors]) and master of Mysticism Rex Horner (who is also probably also in charge of Propaganda). Together these three, this triptych, form a blog that reaches through television, football, popular culture, esoteric Santa Fe-related references, and the Ghost Zone of the forgotten 90′s.
The Isle of Metellus, even though it was started in September, already has a sizable number of Citizen-Posts nearly living up to Mr. Ronald G. Metellus’ claim that on the “Ronblog”, as it is known, you can learn something new everyday.
Just in case you can’t read through my mixed metaphors and grammatical errors, I will share with you now some of the things I’ve learned on the “Ronblog” or on the “Isle of Metellus” or on the “The Blog of Ronald Metellus” or on the “Not The Emperor of Ice Cream Because THOSE BASTARDS TRIED TO KILL ME Blog”:
JCVD: One of the years best?
These are questions that can be answered in the land of Ronald Metellus. It is a magical land, and perhaps you should visit it. They have a pretty great tourism bureau. It’s run by a flamingo. A Flamingo that’s also… A RUSSIAN SPY?! Yes. And if you don’t visit it, that flamingo will fight you. And that flamingo is ME. Except I don’t run the tourism bureau. And… and I’m not a Russian Spy. But I can still poison you with Uranium.
Thank you very much for this, Me. You’ve been nothing but helpful ever since you came back.
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