Part 3 of the Trilogy “A Complicated Web of Papers and Lies”
I received I Got the Poops in a sealed hard drive encasement.
I did not have a hard drive encasement, so what kind of devious package could I send the tape back to Andrew in?
How I made it.
Well, what I DID have was a few boxes, some mailing envelopes, stacks upon stacks of old time magazines, and Netflix flaps that I’d be recycling. I also had a motif I was working with for the entirety of this piece (including In Fridge). Thus, I got to work creating what can be described as a complicated web of papers and lies. I shall now go backwards, starting with the tape.
The tape itself came to me with no blemishes and no markings. I returned it that way.
I placed the tape within a small white mailing envelope. But just having it inside of the envelope would be too easy, so I glued it shut. But the glue didn’t stick, and even if it did, there was still something missing. So, I decided to paint the Lyrics to the Beatles’ “Happiness is a Warm Gun” in black paint onto the envelope. Somehow, it seemed fitting.
When I received the tape, it was wrapped in Timecube®. I went for a much more mainstream conspiracy theory, but one that’s gaining temporal significance. I speak, of course, about 2012. I didn’t have any paper, so I printed it onto some old worm drawings I had for a design project.
This has little to do with what is being discussed.
But the package was still too easy to open. I needed to supply my own screwdriver to open mine, and what’s the point of sending a package if I want it to be opened? My gaze turned to the box. I had two of them, one of which I’d be using to send it. But what about the other? And the magazines? What could I do with them?
I could construct a complicated box-like cardboard skeleton out of the box, cut up the magazines and the Netflix pages (with some adjustments, of course) and boil them into a papier maché-like substance which I would then seal the tape into the structure with! Of Course, it was so simple!
I had a box. I had a sculpture. And it fit into the other box. Also I start sentences with prepositions.
Two Gods, Putin, a Flying Conchord...
But it was still all too easy, he just had to cut through some layers of paper. What else could I do? Ah-ha! I could glue another cardboard “lid” over the complicated sculpture and glued it into the box. I also sealed it in there with some of the remaining “paper soup” I used on the complicated box. It created an interesting I-Spy effect, as if it were an I-Spy gone terribly terribly wrong.
After I also sealed half of a fork in there (I had to help Andrew out with opening the box, and I had a broken fork due to a faulty refrigerator). So I taped up the box. I taped it all kinds of up, I also stapled instructions for creating the box to some extra cardboard and sealed it in a paper cocoon on the bottom.
You won't get one million dollars with the press of a button, though.
I then covered the whole thing with a paper bag, so as to make it look more mystical and presentable. I painted the addresses on, wrapped it in wire, and went off to send it. Unfortunately the clerk at the mailing center told me that I couldn’t wrap the package in wire, what with computers and everything. So I took the wire off, and sent it to Andrew.
You won't get one million dollars with the press of a button, though.
You should not believe the clerk at Mailing Center. He is usually wrong. Once he told me that time travel was not possible.
Yes, it was nice of me. You’re welcome.
Unfortunately, I didn’t realize the fork was to help open the package. That certainly would have made things more exciting.